Soccer Moms are so 2004. Meet the Prairie Muffins!

Oh you have to read this stuff to believe it!

So what is a Prairie Muffin? Well this is what they say they are not:

Some women have been caricatured as denim jumper-wearing, Little House on the Prairie-worshiping, baby machines who never trim their hair or wear makeup. I think that this is like reverse psychology. You know, they say what they are not which is really what they are. (Except it has nothing to do with psychology since that Sigmund Freud dude was a God hating atheist!)

Here I will give you a couple of their definitions for themselves. (And my translations into Immoral speak.)

3) Prairie Muffins are aware that God is in control of their ability to conceive and bear children, and they are content to allow Him to bless them as He chooses in this area.

Translation: Prairie Muffins do not believe in birth control, no way, no how.

6) Prairie Muffins dress modestly and in a feminine manner.

Translation: Women who wear pants are Women's Libbers or bull dykes.

7) Prairie Muffins protect the innocence of their children, until such a time their children are mature enough to be exposed to potentially-harmful cultural influences.

Translation: Their children do not get to watch cable until they move out and are not allowed to attend those Satan promoting, communist teaching, public schools.

14) Prairie Muffins have a sense of humor, even in the midst of trials.

Translation: When the cupcakes burn they are likely to become hysterical, laughing at first and then sobbing uncontrollable.

36) Prairie Muffins are happy to be girls—they rejoice in the distinctives which God sovereignly bestowed on them which make them feminine. They are also happy that their husbands are masculine, and they do not diminish that masculinity by harping on habits which emanate from the fact that boys will be boys, even when they grow up. In addition, Prairie Muffins are careful not to use their feminine, hormotional weaknesses to excuse sinful attitudes and actions, but learn to depend more and more on God's grace and strength in the midst of any monthly trials.

Translation: These chicks totally don't care that their husbands drink like fish or gamble their savings away, because they are men dammit! On the other hand these prissy bitches will never change their own tire!

Oooh I would never be able to live with one of these freaks. Unless there was a part in there about constant blowjobs. Because if there is then I am in!