The Don Young Survival Guide.

Apparently some of Congressman Young's past interns put together this survival guide to assist the young people who have to deal with the prickly, demanding curmudgeon.

Here are some of the highlights:

The guide also provides instructions on how to interact with Young’s wife, with helpful tips that include: “means well,” “don’t stand in her way—don’t stand anywhere I would suggest. Sit down or hide in the broom cupboard,” “wants pumpkin seeds when she says sunflower seeds,” “does not permit noise from computers,” “eat what she tells you to eat,” and—oddly—“if you sneeze it’s always allergies or pressure changes; stick strong to your case.”

Advice on dealing with the boss includes, “When he calls put him straight through. If whoever he wants is not her [sic] give it to Mike, if Mike is not here: Sara. You will not get this right, there is no way to. He does not introduce himself, should you realize who he is you will find another way to get it wrong. Rise above it.” Young also “does not like facial piercings” and interns are advised to “keep your hands out of your pockets.” Young also “expects you to open doors for him (particularly tricky when he does not specify where he is going, make a guess),” and “should always be referred to as ‘The Congressman’ or ‘the Chairman.’”

Interns running late are advised to let Pam know because “she’s had hangovers too and understands.” There’s also a peculiar tip that “if you’re being chased by armed police man, don’t try to escape into a metro station.”

I imagine that interns of the future will have an easier time dealing with Young's future replacement Ethan Berkowitz.