Well the weather outside is frightful but the tanning beds are so delightful.

According to the Live Weatherbug doohickey on my computer the temperature outside right now is 20 degrees below zero. And yes that is cold, even for Anchorage.

And in Fairbanks the temperatures are a gonad shrinking 42 degrees BELOW zero. (Why do people live there?)

As you can imagine Alaskans have various coping mechanisms in place for just these kinds of extreme conditions. And no drinking heavily is not the ONLY way we cope when mother nature gives us the cold shoulder.

We also have more coffee shops and tanning salons then probably any other place in the world. (I have no facts to back that up, but for the sake of argument just go with me on this one.) You literally cannot drive 50 yards in Anchorage without passing at least two or three little coffee huts, offering Vanilla Latte's and creamy Mocha's, beckoning to you as you sit in your frosty car on the way to work each morning. I see lines of cars outside of these little stand alone coffee shops virtually all day long.

Coffee is the fuel which runs this city in the winter, and these shops make so much money that they are also a favorite target for thieves who periodically rob them throughout the year.

Now the only other business which thrives as well, in Anchorage at least, are the tanning salons. I actually drive by two of these "fake and bake" salons on my to and from my local gym every single day, and can attest to the fact that the parking lots are almost always full to capacity.

You may remember the static that Governor Palin received when it was revealed that she had installed a tanning bed in the Governor's mansion. I stayed silent on that topic simply because I know a number of people who would not hesitate to do the same thing in her position.

"A tanning bed in my house? Yes please!"

However I really think that when the mercury is as low as it is right now that changing the color of our skin from "Alabaster corpse white" to "Just came back from Jamaica, Mon" brown is a secondary consideration. The fact is that some Alaskans may even be willing to climb into their ovens at home for the opportunity to stop shivering.

"Just set it on broil, and take me out when the little thermometer pops out. And not a minute before!"

However a business which I know is suffering right now is the hair removal business. I know this because I also drive by one of these salons at least once a day, and I have noticed that the sign in the window has been offering cheaper and cheaper prices for bikini waxes and hair removal. Good luck.

The facts are that Alaskans are completely uninterested in having ANY hair removed as long as the weather is as cold as it is right now. To put it bluntly currently not all fur bearing creatures in this state are walking around on all fours. If you get my drift.

I believe the picture on the left is a fair indication of what Alaskan's are currently growing under their parkas at this moment.

I actually have some personal experience with the "art" of hair removal.

I was once in a relationship with a woman who preferred the hairless look of a pre-adolescent boy to the rugged manliness that was on display when I removed my shirt.

She begged and begged me to defoliate the "man jungle" that covered my body. And I refused. But then she cheated.

She whispered promises into my ear of sensual delights that would be visited upon me if only I would acquiesce to her requests.

I made the appointment five minutes later.

Now I know what the females are thinking, "What pansies men are. Women go through this kind of thing all of the time." I beg to differ.

Upon inspection of the manly tundra that covered my back and chest it was determined that the little strips that were usually used to remove "girl" hair would prove inadequate. I believe they tore up a burlap sack to use instead, and wheeled in a cauldron of bubbling wax, which they periodically stirred with what looked like a small oar.

Then two industrial size women, Inga and Sven (who both had what appeared to be pronounced Adams apples), climbed onto the table, applied the wax with a mop while standing over me, and proceeded to tear the hair from my body with the strips of burlap while placing their feet on my body to hold me still as I writhed in agony.

Did you ever see the movie "40 Year Old Virgin"? Yeah well that guy got off lucky!

Afterward I drove home completley unable to ignore how much my shirt was rubbing against my raw flesh. I am not too proud to admit that the next days shower actually elicited a scream from me.

And as for the woman who talked me into inviting the Spanish Inquisition to torture me? Yeah she is no longer in my life. Good riddance.

So to sum up. In Alaska, coffee shops and tanning booths, good. Ripping hair follicles out by the roots, bad.

Hey I just came up with the best business idea ever! A combination coffee shop/tanning salon.

I will call it "JavaTan"! No wait I will call it "Baked Coffee"! I am going to be rich!