I am not going to use this incident to slam Christianity, or the teachings of the Bible. But I am going to say that we have learned SO much more about how to raise our children in the thousands of years that have passed since those books were written that following the guidelines for parenting that are laid out in the Old Testament is just nuts.
There is NO excuse for brutalizing a child, and if you believe in a God that condones or encourages such behavior, than my tolerance for your religious choice has to come to an end.
As hard as it is too watch this video I think it is important, because there are forces in this country that are demanding that we go back to a time when we received out instructions for how to live our lives, raise our children, and treat our spouses, from religious leaders instead of educators, scientists, and therapists.
There is a real attempt these days to discredit intelligence and to replace it with faith. In other words to believe, rather than to think. And in my opinion it is that kind of slippery slope which ultimately results in this kind of tragedy.
(H/T to CNN.)
I couldn't watch the whole video.
ReplyDeleteHow many children have died needlessly due to their parent's refusal of medical care for minor/easily fixable problems? Just like pray away the gay doesn't work, pray away the disease/injury doesn't work.
ReplyDeleteLooks as if we are headed back to an age of superstition, one where science will be abolished.
I can't watch it. I live in Louisiana, where an upstanding citizen just beheaded his 7-year-old son with cerebral palsy because he was tired of caring for him and had come to consider him an inanimate object. There's an ancestry.com commercial with a woman who says she just learned her great-great grandmother lost four of the five children she carried to birth. It kills me that we are so blessed to have more healthy pregnancies than not, that our children are more likely to live to adulthood, and then stories such as these. Heartbreaking. I have to say though that there are shitty crazy and irrational parents of all stripes. We all need to pay attention to the children in our midst and hopefully we can be the inspiring adult who helps that one abused or neglected child see the world with a glimmer of hope. I remember mine--my fifth-grade teacher. (Thanks Mr. Severino!)
ReplyDeleteThe truth is that so many of us say we love children when the truth is that we hate them. We hate their innocent ability to speak up and t see the truth through the lies so often told by grown-ups.
ReplyDeleteBooks like the Pearls' are nothing more than permission to act out adult anger and lack of control on these children.
And --- who was responsible for allowing a clearly, and openly violent home to adopt children.
I won't even go into the race issue which jumped out for me.
I know that part of the country. I grew up there. There is a lot of self-riotous ignorance there.
The bottom line is that violence by adults in response to violence by children only reinforces the need to be bigger and have more powerful weapons in order to be "right".
My heart cries for the remaining children. Hopefully, they will have the time and attention they need to heal their souls. Or we may be seeing more murders in a few years.
It is hard to watch but so very important see. Thank you for posting this, Gryphen.
Gryphen, have you heard of Bill Gothard/ATI/etc? One of the "training tools" his followers use is blanket training. You put a baby on a blanket, and if tey leave the blanket, you smack whatever part of them left it. It's supposed to train them not to follow their impulses. Sick!
ReplyDeleteSo do you think the outrage machine will give this as much play as The Casey Anthony story?
ReplyDeleteMy one and only trip to a fundie church (mega church) was about 5 years ago. This is in Los Angeles County. They were selling discipline "tools" in the lobby! Paddles etc.
ReplyDeleteI swear that the pastor and many of the parents were sexually excited about the entire thing. DISGUSTING.
My sis-in-law is an evangelical and worships James Dobson. My sane brother did not let her beat the children, so when they misbehaved she took one of their stuffed animals and held a knife to the toy's head (sometimes beheading the stuffed animal).
SICK SICK SICK.
The evangelicals "steeple-jacked" the mainstream churches in my hometown (small town in WI) - my childhood friends who were Lutherans, Catholics, Baptists, etc. were "recruited" into the fundie churches.
When I go back there to visit, they spend nearly all of our time together trying to "save" me - they call it "witnessing," but it is strong-arm recruiting.
It is like they are all under mass hypnosis.
I am horrified by this story of the little girl who was "spanked" to death, but not surprised - I am seeing more and more of these fundies who seem obsessed with beating their children.
AND we feed these "religions" with tax-free status
ReplyDeleteI couldn't watch the video having heard about this last night on CNN. This is sick beyond anything and outrageous it is happening in our country. I work with a fundy Christian and he and his wife are already in this mind frame as to how to raise their new baby. They think it is best to not respond to her needs as it will eventually "produce a willful child."
ReplyDeleteTotal child abuse.
Very sad about the little girl. I can't believe anyone would do that.
ReplyDeleteWhere's those *cough* common sense solutions when you need them?
Superstition ain't the way.
ReplyDeleteGryphen, you are 100% correct. Sadly, this lunacy seems to be catching on.
ReplyDeleteOT, Elizabeth Warren has started an exploratory committee to run against Scott Brown in 2012.
ReplyDeleteThey are accepting donations @
http://elizabethforma.com/
I have tears running down my face....I feel so much sorrow and at the same time I am enraged at the way these adults treated this child that I can't even express myself.
ReplyDeleteO/T
ReplyDeleteWill we have a 'pool' to bet on how long it takes for the Wasillabillies from Snowdrift, to Chuckles & everyone else -- to commit perjury regarding the 'stalking' arrests.
Both Snowdrift & Brisket perjured themselves in the hacking trial. Just wish the Defendant's lawyer(s) paid more attention as it was certainly the topic of discussion on AK blogs and people trying to advise them.
This story absolutely breaks my heart.
ReplyDeleteI raised for "hellions" who are now all professionals and well adjusted parents in their own right. I can count on the fingers of ONE HAND how many times I smacked them during the cumulative 72 years they lived full time in our home.
By the age of this poor girl, if you can't communicate with them, then you are simply an inadequate parent...or you're beating them for the pure hell of it.
These two murderers should have a very warm welcome in prison.
They deserve every mark they get.
Thank doG for athiests...
ReplyDeleteI suspect there will be some justice meted out while they are in prison.
ReplyDeleteI'll bet they're all teabaggers too.
ReplyDeleteThe author claims he's a minister. Self-proclaimed? And ignorant people buy his book thinking he's some sort of authority?
What's the first thing he does? He looks into seeing if he's going to be prosecuted or sued.
Wonder if he rewrites his book with a disclaimer.
Morons being led by imbeciles.
NO wonder they want to home school their children. They don't want their kids to develop critical thinking skills that might say "Hey, this is stupid AND illegal."
Would I be a bigot if I said I wasn't surprised it was the black children the parents were beating to death?
fuckin sicking,just sicking
ReplyDeletePrepare to gag:
ReplyDeleteMeeting Sarah Palin - live and in the flesh
The Earth shook, time stood still, and every other cliche not doing her justice applied itself.
It finally happened. I met former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin.
She may be the loveliest woman on Earth, or at the very least Aphrodite’s better looking cousin.
http://communities.washington
times.com/neighborhood/tygrrrr-express/2011/aug/17/sarah-palin-live-and-flesh/
I was reading during my luch hour today and liked this:
ReplyDelete" I don't trust any faith that uses fear to keep me compliant. And I certainly can't be part of a religion that requires the suspension of thoughtful debate. I don't question the belief in God. I question the humanity of those who believe in Him. "
[from novel Revelations by Laurel Dewey )
Rest in peace, Lydia.
ReplyDeleteO/T
ReplyDeletePalin, (in AZ from the background) appeared on Fox Megyn Kelly's show today. No I have not listened and have no desire!!
But what I did notice was around the 0:36 to 0:38, if I didn't know it was Palin, I could have mistaken her for Greta.
So much for having a 'good' plastic surgeon -- NOT! Maybe they bought a Twofer - 2 for 1 plan!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=MzI4S2a42Ew
About 20 years ago we got new neighbors, a lovely Christian family who urged us to read a book by the fundamentalist psychologist, James Dobson, who runs the notorious group, Focus on the Family.
ReplyDeleteIn the book, Dobson said one should beat children - and not with one's hands but with an implement, so that the child would understand that it wasn't the parent but the implement that was doing the punishing. He suggested using a wooden spoon.
We were horrified and told our neighbors so. I don't know what became of them (they moved shortly after the book incident), but I hope their kids are all right.
They were nice people, but SO misguided.
These people are animals. This is not how God wants us to raise children. Children who survive this kind of abuse go on to rape, murder, and find outlets for their anger. A neighbor of mine was abused and he tortured cats. He later would up in jail for fighting. How can anyone be stupid enough to do this? To an innocent child? This is the mentality that thinks the death penalty is fine; that war casualties are non-persons, and that anyone of another race is sub-human. The mainstream GOP is not far from this way of thinking.
ReplyDeleteO/T: Check out Shailey's blog... things are heating up! She finally lawyered-up, and the APD is sti;; denying her access to her property, even though her case has officially been dismissed by a judge, and the APD had been ordered to release her property...
ReplyDeleteOT:
ReplyDeleteA Menard of the Palin/Menard "AK Mafia"
http://www.adn.com/2011/08/18/2020643/sitka-hotel-says-wasilla-city.html
@12:04 Homeschooling also makes it easier to hide the bruises...
ReplyDeleteGryphen, I know you don't usually do stories on this, but the Christys (Craig and Shawn) were arrested today in PA for stalking SP. Here is an article:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.forbes.com/feeds/ap/2011/08/18/general-us-palin-threatened_8630482.html
Feel free not to post. Karen
The damn book mentioned in the video "To Raise Up a Child" -- that promotes violence against children -- is for sale on Amazon.
ReplyDeleteI am sickened by this. What century are we in? Are these people who shout against abortion?
Who in their right mine would trust that dim-witted, dirty, bearded scary farmer to tell you how to raise your children?
If this had happened in a Muslim family, the press would never shut up about it. As it is, it's not getting a lot of play except on Progressive blogs.
ReplyDeleteJames Dobson, the former head of Focus on the Family also advocated corporal punishment in her book, "Dare to Discipline".
ReplyDeleteThe race of this child jumped out at me, too. These kinds of fundie nuts should NEVER be allowed to adopt children, esp of another race, so deep is their hatred.
ReplyDeleteStories like this is why I don't believe in any kind of "god" or "spiritual" authority because it's all man made by people like this that existed thousands of years ago.
Ignorance of one's own humanity and that of others causes the human race to turn upon each other because some want to appear more "enlightened" and superior because they believe in their own mindless creations.
mlaiuppa
ReplyDeleteI agree with you completely and will go further. Home skooling is used to keep kids away from adults that they may seek help from(teachers , counselors, school nurse etc).
It is no different than an abusive man isolating his wife or girlfriend from family and friends.
Little Rabbit
This is what Sarah Palin's America would be like for all children. She is a child abuser and bad mother. I wouldn't trust her to feed my fish.
ReplyDeleteThere's more going on here then the religious teaching on spanking which is to cause pain, not to injure. These parents...murderers...sadists...went beyond anything taught. That said, the religious teaching itself is heinous.
ReplyDeleteBREAKING NEWS!!
ReplyDeleteFather, son in Palin (fake) stalking case arrested
The FBI said Thursday that a Pennsylvania man and his son were arrested on charges of harassing Sarah Palin's family and lawyers.
Craig Christy and his son, Shawn Christy, were placed under arrest at the FBI office in Allentown. The pair were indicted by a federal grand jury in Alaska on Wednesday.
They are accused of harassing members of the former Alaska governor's family as well as her attorneys and employees of the law firm. Palin, the 2008 Republican vice presidential nominee, is also a possible presidential candidate.
A magistrate in Alaska issued restraining orders against both men last May.
Karen Christy, Craig Christy's wife and Shawn's mother, said Thursday the family has been persecuted by the Palins and law enforcement officials for more than two years.
They contend Sarah Palin had a sexting relationship with the teen in 2009.
"All of these things have been happening to my family, and the police and the FBI and the federal agents don't seem to (care) ... about going after Sarah Palin because she's a big political figure," Karen Christy told The Associated Press.
Palin has said she feared Karen and Craig Christy because she says they wrongly believe she had a sexting relationship with the teen two years ago.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/
44193233/ns/us_news-crime_and_courts/
This was not spank to death she was beaten by her adopted parents. I was spanked as a child and so was every child on my block. It was a normal form of discipline in our community. It didn't have anything to do with the Bible or church, some didn't even go to church.
ReplyDeleteThis is not a young child, she was a teen, at that age, a man have no business hitting her. She really to old for spanking, I spanked all my nieces and nephews when they were little... it was a pop on the legs, butt or hands, just to get their attention or to get them to stay on time-out...
These people are part of a cult, you can tell by the they are dressed and the number of kids they have. God never intended, for people to beat their kids to death... Spanking was comment in those days as a form of discipline. It was comment for thousands of years and in every cultures and religions. This pass 20 years, in became abuse, because over the years people abused it and harmed or killed their kids. I just read an article of a mother who force hot sauce into her 7 years old son mouth and made him hold it in his mouth. Than she made him take a cold shower! That's abuse! what he did was so minor, I would have made him write 10X I will not act up in school and apologize to his teacher.
The Pearls are disgusting horrifying evil monsters.
ReplyDeleteThis is not the first time they have been connected to parents arrested for beating and terrorizing their children.
Why they are still walking free is beyond me.
They continue to profit from this book which has been pointed to by several defendants.
Amazing how many sick people use religion as an excuse for evil
- kellygrrrl
Anon 12:23
ReplyDeleteFucking gag me. She, who has been on vacation for three years, lecturing our President. ... stupid bitch.
There are striking similarities between Egypt circa the worship of Amen-Ra, the diety itself (prayers, personality, etc. etc.), and nomenclature (the use of Amen as an ending to prayers) that I find striking.
ReplyDelete"The rod and the staff, they comfort me." What is the Pharaoh's symbols of power? A Flail (rod) and a Crook (shepherd's staff).
Approval and acceptance of Slavery.
Time periods from what I've managed to discover match up fairly well to when Pyramids were being contsructed (where most of the writing about Amun is gleaned) and the supposed slavery of the Hebrew peoples.
Expansion of the worship of Amun across the middle east, including Nubia and Syria.
The list goes on. And I believe this is the very proof of Evolution itself.
Though not just of Man... but the evolution of the very Gods themselves.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amun
http://www.touregypt.net/amen.htm
Anon 1:33, the girl who was killed was 7 years old, not a teen.
ReplyDeleteGod rest her soul.
I have heard that that the "rod" in "spare the rod, spoil the child" refers to the staff used by a shepherd to GUIDE stray sheep back in to the flock, not beat them senseless or to death. Maybe I am fantasizing because I although I am not a follower, I still believe Xtianity is meant to be a gentle religion.
ReplyDeleteThis is so sick and sad. Your right to practice your religion ends at the epidermis of someone else, Mr. Pearl.
Stella Guadalupe
Read " A Shepherd looks at the 23rd Psalm." The "rod" is the rod of disclipline: used to gently guide (herd) the sheep as they walk, it is used to clean up the pasture (the tip for digging up roots of poison plants,) the shepherd can use it's crook to literally lift them out of holes and ravines-- it's a metaphor! No shepherd beats his or her sheep, period! How can so many miss this?
ReplyDeleteI was a Fundie and this book was the rod that God used to point out that they got it wrong! Horse and dog trainers who know what they are doing don't need to beat their animals. The animals eat first, and they CARE for them. These people need to read up on shepherds and sheep to understand better parenting!
I have three children, teens and up, and have never struck any of them ever. Ever. I once saw a woman in public strike her child while shouting "never hit."
ReplyDeleteUsing their own guiding tome, The Bible, how about we have a good old fashioned book burning around two stakes to which these horrible excuses for human beings, are tied.
ReplyDeleteSure works for me!!!
Spanking is paddling a child's butt, this is a beating. My parent's generation believed if they did not spank children they were poor parents, but they knew the difference between spanking and beating. Spanking is also very damaging psychologically.
ReplyDeleteNon-abusive punishment takes some thought and time, but results in a child that is not traumatized. Oh, they may be mad they are on restrictions, can't use their cell phone or computer or that they have to do extra chores, but they won't be harmed.
Well done Gryphen. The book by the Pearls that was cited was also one read and followed by the woman in court today for hot saucing her adoptive son.
ReplyDeleteO/T: Latest "Globe" issue of August 29, 2011 has Granny on 1/3 of the cover.
ReplyDelete"Sarah Palin Cocaine Scandal!"
"the shocking new charge that she indulged in snorting coke - coming as she battles to save her 23 year marriage to Todd and prepares to throw her hat into the presidential campaign - have hit her hard, says a source.
A second insider confides "She went into meltdown."
also "she is convinced this is part of a campaign by her GOP enemies".
The most interesting thing about the article was that she believes her current enemies are Republicans!! Well, duh!
The only reason that someone would beat a little child for seven hours is because they enjoyed it. They should have gotten life sentences.
ReplyDeleteChild abusers seek out situations to enable their abuse. Some find it in religion, some find it in "leadership" training, some find it in fanatical demands on the sports field, etc.
ReplyDeleteThe point is that some people LIKE to abuse children and those people will find a way to do it. Almost always they find a way to blame the abused child for triggering the abuse.
We can ferret out terrorists at the airports but abused children are usually defenseless and ignored. MOST abused children don't die or make the news headlines. They survive and become abusers themselves.
Anon 1:33
ReplyDeleteThe mother using hot sauce on her child -- is from AK. I read on ADN a few days ago the Court hearing started.
I'm sorry, I just can't watch that right now.
ReplyDeleteSo, on a much lighter note, here's HP taking a look into Bachmann's previous donations to charity.
Surprise, surprise, her and Marky aren't "sharing the wealth" with those less fortunate.
Stunned. I'm just stunned I tell you!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/18/bachmanns-pet-causes-chri_n_930676.html
Many people respect the Japanese culture, the people tend to be disciplined, loyal employees, neat and clean, neighborly, kind, etc... Guess what? They don't spank their kids. You don't have to spank kids to make them better people! I am Japanese heritage and had two spankings in my life - 1.) I was five years old for playing with matches. (That was a good reason!) 2.) I was six for opening people's mailboxes and opening their mail. lol! (a felony!)
ReplyDeleteI had a family doctor in WA state when my first child was a baby. He was a psychiatrist first, but decided he could be more helpful to mankind being a GP. I had questions about baby behavior. He said, kids need/want love. There is no such thing as "spoiling" a child before he/she is four years old. He said he didn't like the Western strollers - having a baby infant far away from the mom, when they just spent 9 months in her womb. It was better to hold the baby in one's arms until they transitioned into the outside world.
My kids have been model kids w/o spankings. Polite, well-mannered, smart, and fun to be around. Heck, they are adults now and raising their kids the same. I'm so proud of all of them. Guess what? Parents need to treat their kids like people.
The little girl wasn't spanked, she was beaten and tortured.
ReplyDeleteWhomever let children into that dysfunctional family should be held accountable also.
I find it upsetting also that these African-American children were placed in their home. Until African-Americans can adopt white children I say no-go.
GoL
I thought it interesting that the self-proclaimed farmer-preacher stated in the interview that beating with an implement did not leave any marks on the child's body. This is a mentality that is simply beyond me. And I know that no one could change their minds - reason or even quotes from the New Testament would do nothing to change them. They were probably beaten as children and are simply perpetuating the evil - all in the name of religion, of course.
ReplyDeleteWhat happened to Thy shall not kill?
ReplyDeleteIt isn't an excuse but what the fuck did the little girl do?
GoL
2:33
ReplyDeleteHA, I just made mention of her past dalliances ( and present ? ) at Hoopies Roadhouse in a post last night.
Too funny seeing this today on the front page of the Globe.
It does get kind'a wild out there in Wasilla, I know, I was there.
$tupid $kank
My father, mother, brother, sister and her family criticed me for not "spanking" my toddler. I refused to comply with their admonitions and it was a big deal to them. I still wonder why it was so important to them that I use corporal punishment. I myself was spanked in public, sometimes with my pants pulled down, had cold water thrown on me in the bathtub when I wouldn't stop crying, "spanking" with a belt, and slapped in the face, when I got older. This was not religious teaching; they just believed if you did not punish your child in this way, they would turn out to be juvenile delinquints. This type of tra ining has caused me significant physhological problems since I could not say no to anyone in authority or speak up for myself. I used to have nightmares about not being able to speak when I was being demonized by my mother. These were not horrible treatments, but they affected me in negative ways. That's why I refused to "spank" my child.
ReplyDeleteI was raised around religious nuts. My grandmother, a known murderess of small children, tried to cover her tracks with vocal religious proclaimations, and my mother followed in her footsteps because she lacked the skill to set a new course.
ReplyDeleteFortunately, Mom never killed a person, thanks largely to my father, who watched her as closely as he had time to do it.
I'm not tearing up on this.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't make me cry- it makes me very angry !
The guy on the John Deere is an asshole clear and simple.
I disagree that a book would cause people to inflict such harm. I feel it was in their soul to begin with.
I spanked my daughter once when she was 3 (she is 13 now). It was 3 quick spanks on the butt- and that was it.
I didn't like it- I hated doing it. But it was needed and it worked.
I was beaten when I was a child- so I make sure that it will never happen to my children.
These assholes will get their own beatings in Jail. I have NO sympathy for those who brutalize the weak.
WTF. Are human beings really this stupid and gullible. Someone writes a book and you are so convinced it is the way to go you are willing to kill in order to follow his instruction? It is obviously either way to easy to adopt kids or the system is seriously broken when these murderers can stay under the radar and be thought of as good parents. I love the question the little girl asked. These two and others like them need to be neutered.
ReplyDeleteThe man who wrote the book seemed far more concerned about whether or not he would be blamed for the incident than he was about the fact that a 7 year old child D I E D ! ! !
ReplyDeleteWhat amazing courage her older sister showed in court, asking the question I'm sure many other people were wondering as well. She has a deep strength which will help to see her through her recovery from the nightmare she experienced.
May these four people rot in hell for eternity.
This is sickening. That poor child. They beat her for seven hours and caused tissue damage that led to organ failure because she mispronounced a word while reading for her schoolwork.
ReplyDeleteI live in Oregon. In Oregon City, there is a "Followers Of Christ" church that believes in faith healing.
ReplyDeleteSince the first of this year, two families have been prosecuted for the deaths of their babies under one-year-old. One an eye infection, one respiratory that a simple antibiotic would have cured in days. They were prosecuted and put in jail for under six months. SIX MONTHS.
I'd shut that church DOWN, but the state can't due to law. Talk about an abomination.
I must say that as an adult I never got over the abuse I endured as a child, never completely, it stays with you. My parents weren't Christians per se, but they certainly could be brutal and abusive. My brothers feel the same way as I did, though they weren't sexually abused as I was being the only girl. Its just not right to hurt children, animals, handicapped people, elderly, whoever or whatever is helpless and defenseless. What a horrible story this ways and horrible that people like this feel perfectly justified in doing this kind of thing. The beatings were probably over some small offense these sickos think the children committed. I hope they get some retribution in prison for their sins. They're the sinners! The children were innocent. Damn them and all like them. We live in a very scary world where people like this are trying to take over the country. If we don't fight against them, we are doomed as a society.
ReplyDeleteLydia didn't die in vain, the fact that this story opened a dialogue, and hopefully people's hearts, will lead people to learn that violence is never the answer. No higher being would condone this behaviour, and unconditional love, patience, and respecting a child's basic human rights should be foremost in parent's minds and hearts.
ReplyDeleteYou can effectively discipline children without using violence of any kind. I raised three kids, and the approach may have been different for each of them, the outcome was the same.
The purpose of discipline is to show a child the possible consequences of their behaviour, then explaining ways to deal with situations while taking responsibility for what they've done, and working on bettering themselves in the future.
The physical and emotional scars of violence never go away, children live what they learn, and it becomes a cycle. Religion condoneing it makes them beleive it's ok, and it isn't.
This is why I get tired of a tendency among certain Christians to go on and on about the sufferings of Christ. He was on the cross for six hours while people normally could hang in extreme pain and breathing difficulty for two and three days before dying. And this girl was beaten for 7 hours! At least Jesus was a grown man and had some wisdom to cope. This little girl suffered more than Jesus. It is time to start loving one another and not just try to please God.
ReplyDeleteWhy aren't they getting life? Why could that woman get only 12 years.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, there are too many biblical examples beyond the "spare the rod" bull-crap. These are a few of the license to kill their god supposedly gives them: Leviticus 20:9; Judges 11:30-40; Psalms 137:8-9; 2 Kings 6:28-29; Deuteronomy 21:18-21; Judges 19:24-29; Exodus 12:29... More in Exodus, 2 Kings, Leviticus, 2 Samuel, 1 Kings, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Lamentations,
ReplyDeleteThere are no less than 6 different Proverbs telling believers to beat their children, as well as Matthew and Mark getting in the act.
Thank Mom I was raised as a critical thinking atheist. She also raised us with consequential punishments, extremely rarely involving corporal punishment. (Ok, the time my brother and I were caught walking around on top of the garage roof when I was about 11 and my brother was about 7, we really deserved that spanking.) Dad was furious, mostly because there were no adults at home and we could have killed ourselves if we'd fallen.
When we were very young, if we were doing something wrong, she'd use diversion, away from the negative to a positive alternative. I am so fortunate to have such a wonderful, wise woman for a mother!!! I was difficult to discipline, because grounding me to my room wasn't so hard on me, I'd just hole up in my room with a couple of good books and be happy to only appear to use the bathroom and get food and water. She NEVER considered taking away books, thankfully. She is one of the most avid readers I know.
As so many people have stated in the comments, children grow up either perpetrating the same parenting style (for better or worse) or they are determined to be the exact opposite. My mother was determined to be the opposite parenting style of her alcoholic father, I was determined to be the same kind of mother that my mother was. I have been told by many teachers and friends’ parents that I have been. My son is now 20.
I can see that my rules had the positive effect of a well adjusted, caring son:
1. Be up front about why we should not do something, and offer alternatives to do something positive instead
2. All actions, whether positive or negative, have repercussions.
3. Take ownership and responsibility for our actions
and the most important part –
4. "Catch him doing good", I let him overhear me talk about the positive things that he's done.
He then craves more of this positive attention.
So, why wouldn't more people use this method of child rearing? It never occurs to them because they have never seen it in their lives.
The more children raised:
a. in families larger than can be provided for in a positive healthy manner
b. by child-parents incapable of maturity (because they are still kids themselves!)
c. by parents who were abused themselves as children,
d. that believe extreme fundamentalism (Christian, Muslim or any other religion)
e. that are told that it is okay to abuse their children, and it’s even okay to “cull the herd” to get rid of the free thinkers, the rebellious and the weakest/disabled
the more we will see heart wrenching stories like this one that stun us into disbelief.
Again the racial element jumped out at me. They probably beat her so hard because they couldn't see the bruising on her dark skin. What kind of shape were the white children in? Or were they equal opportunity abusers? Sickening.
ReplyDeleteAnother thing that I noticed is the strange demeanor of the man and wife who wrote that book. They are religious zealots pure and simple, but WHY was that woman smiling during the interview? She had a quiet, calm smile on her face the whole time her husband was being interviewed. There was no evidence of any concern whatsoever about the child who was killed. That is very disturbing.
ReplyDelete