Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Things Black Presidents (And First Ladies) Are Not Allowed To Do.

Courtesy of I Have the Floor:

1.Deliver State of the Union without being heckled 

2. Complete Rose Garden remarks without interruption 

3. Call for a joint session of Congress (the NERVE!) 

4. Take a vacation (LAZY!) 

5. Play golf (ELITIST!) 

6. Play basketball (GHETTO!) 

7. Attend Harvard (QUOTA!) 

8. Have a birthday party (must instead be called “hip hop barbecue”) 

9. Invite other black people to White House (THUGS!) 

10. Speak to school children 

 11. Appoint judges 

12. Serve without providing long-form birth certificate to douchebag rich guy and racist Sheriff 

13. Serve without providing SAT scores (see #7) 

14. Lawfully use executive authority when Congress refuses to act 

15. Issue orders as Commander-in-Chief of the military 

16. Take a single scintilla of credit for killing the world’s biggest terrorist 

17. Run for re-election 

18. Raise funds for said run 

19. Go on late night TV 

20. Encourage healthy eating 

21. Have garden 

22. Do push-ups 

23. Display awesome arms 

34. Be larger than size 6 

And finally (for now), the big one… 

25. Use teleprompter 

And with all of this he is STILL supposed to fix the economy, increase jobs, and get us out of Afghanistan.


  1. Anonymous2:31 AM

    In a perfect white world there would never be any black Presidents.

    1. There is an old saying that goes like this:
      "If you are Black, you must be twice as good to get half as far."

      When you hear someone say they feel their teacher-professor-classmate-boss-coworker is prejudiced against them, remember racism is not always overt. Most often racism is subtle, persistent and deeply rooted.

      Just because you think they're out to get you, doesn't mean you're paranoid. Some of them really ARE out to get you.

    2. Anonymous7:34 AM

      As a person of color, myself, I can very well say to you, in a perfect world there would never be white presidents.

  2. Sally in MI3:09 AM

    Actually, no, Gryph. They would perfer that he does NOT accomplish anything, because right now, they have to lie that he has done nothing, while most of the country (at least people not made braindead by Fox and Rush) can see that things have changed for the better. Notice that the GOP is not asking :Are you better off today than you were four years ago? They don't dare, as the answer would come back to them: HELL YES! Thank you, Mr. Obama!!

  3. Anonymous3:36 AM

    Ok so I know Bristol was excited about filming in LA with the Masseys. She spoke of adorable footage with the boys and Tripp. Thy had fun at Disney. No idea if that was filmed though

    Then you have a "source" from the Masseys complaining about producers (that David guy) changing the show. These complaints were from Sept

    We all know Willow lives for Alaska and disliked LA. I think these first episodes are strewn together to show how unhappy they were in LA and how glad they were to be back in Alaska.

    Contrived drama is typical for reality tv.

  4. Anonymous4:49 AM

    I just caught an American's for Prosperity commercial on tv, where they used his comment that the American Economy is doing just fine, and using that to paint him as out of touch.

    The demographic that A4P represent caused this economic mess, their own solution to the problem was to offer up a Keating Five survivor, John McCain, who said the fundamentals of the economy was "strong" in the midst of the Wall Street Crash and his vapid running D- Econ 101 running mate Sarah Palin said she'd have the budget balanced halfway through her first term as Vice President.

    That is why we are ill, just ill at the so sorry state of the economy that types like John McCain, Karl Rove, GWB, Mitt Romney, Sarah/Bristol Palin and the Koch Bros. are allowed to say it is all Obama's fault.

    1. Anita Winecooler7:07 PM

      That commercial gets airtime at least 10 times a day in Eastern Pennsylvania, it's sickening. Remember the brouahaha when time magazine darkened OJ simpson's face on it's cover? This ad is poorly done in a "film noir" style, President Obama's face in black and white is tinted to make him look even darker than his natural complexion. Proof that the main gripe is his race, not his policy. It's disrespectful and demeaning, but eastern Pennsylvania is a tradicionally heavy democratic voting area, doubt it'll have any effect whatsoever, and may actually get more people to vote for a second term.

      He can be outspent, but not outsmarted.

  5. PalinsHoax4:54 AM

    26. Feel deep, abiding love and respect for my wife, in public no less.

    27. Have warm affection for, playfulness with and acceptance of my children, as well as expecting the best of them.

    28. Love my dog and let him ride IN the car.

  6. 29. Do an amazing job of 'double-dutch' jumprope on national tv, cause it's so un-ladylike for a grown woman. (These are very desperate people)

    A big TYVM to Jon Stewart (again) for taking on the most recent Hannity rant and verrrrry convenient 'editing' of Obama's statement about what he could and could not do regarding executive orders. Didn't we just hear the right wingers taking Andrea Mitchell to the woodshed for not playing the 'entire' silly statement made by Rmoney about the WaWa ordering system.

  7. Anonymous7:31 AM

    OMG.. Look how he's looking at her. That is the look of pure love, adoration, smitten-ness, and the hots, all rolled up into one.

    1. He is absolutely Adorable!

  8. Tania9:28 AM

    Mrs Obama isn't much larger than a size six anyway! That's the equivalent of an Aus Size 10 which is my size, well it will be when I've put on the weight I'm trying to gain. And Mrs Obama would be that or at most an 8 on her top half, and perhaps a 10 at the very most on her bottom half! She's not vastly different to me in size yet I've been ordered to put on weight as I was at a BMI of 18 and it was ruining my health. It makes me CRAZY that it's women of the mid size, the healthy attractive size, that you don't see represented. You see the tall thin models that are like myself, really endangering their health by being too thin and you see the plus sizes represented more and more. The normalization of the two extremes and the lambastation of the healthy in the middle! The sick things you read about Michelle's perfectly nice body on conservative sites!

    1. I bet ANYTHING that the morons who type MOO-chell and all that shit can barely get out of their recliners, and don't have a single t-shirt that doesn't have potato chip grease on it!!!

  9. Beldar Mittens2012 Conehead10:55 AM

    Gryphen, (if that's really your actual name, which I'm pretty sure it isn't), I can't tell if your list is meant to be sarcastic or not because you didn't use the federally mandated tags but assuming it's a legitimate fairly comprehensive list, one has to ask, why elect a black man president in the first place with all these restrictions holding him back?

    That's why I am endorsing Millard "Mittens" Rmoney for president in 2012. As a certified white man, Mittens brings all the well-documented benefits of caucasoidism without any of the limitations encumbering presidents of a darker hue. As the tea-baggers like to say, "If Jeebus loved Obama so much, how come He made him black?"

    And since Mittens has already promised to do everything the opposite of Obama, he sure looks like a perfect candidate to me since no one - including the handful of remaining Obama supporters - seems able to identify a single thing President Obama has done right in his entire presidency.

    Even George W Bush did some things right! Plenty of libruls, for example, will grudgingly admit that Bush kept the White House lawn meticulously groomed and tourists seemed to enjoy watching Bush piloting that little John Deere rider mower across the property. Has Obama mowed the grass even ONCE in 3.5 years? I seriously doubt it.

    In fact. my only reservations about electing Mittens (besides the fact that he's a wispy-spined, out-of-touch, tool-of-the-mega-rich, empty suit) are reports that plans are being drawn up to convert - if Mittens wins the election - the East Wing of the White House to stables to accommodate a mega-millions herd of dressage horses and wooden carousel ponies. But that's a small price to pay, I suppose, for putting a white man back in the White House, as Jeebus intended.

    1. Anonymous4:40 PM

      Sarah B

    2. Anita Winecooler7:18 PM

      With all due respect, Beldar, what self respecting caucasian male with "touch of grey" just for men gel, doesn't also deserve a four car elevator in the white house, along with a four horse dressage lift?

      Dressage Horses are people, too, my friend!
      And fire the white house cooks, install a WAWAS with a touch screen ordering system! It's the American Way!

    3. Beldar J Conehead8:13 PM

      "Dressage Horses are people, too"

      Indeed they are. It's rare to find such common sense conservative principles expressed by any of Gryphen's librul Bolshevik blog buddies, also, too.

  10. Anonymous12:40 PM

    I am so damned happy that President and Mrs. Obama represent our nation!

    The Republicans are after him horribly and it makes me sick to my stomach. At election time, as many as possible Republicans need to be voted out of office on all levels - national, state and local!

    OBAMA/BIDEN 2012

  11. Anita Winecooler7:22 PM

    I love our first family! President Obama will wipe the floors with Issa's recent made up crisis to impeach Eric Holder when he trumps them with his powers of executive order.

    Can't wait for Mr Orangeman to have an epic temper tantrum!


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