Morality is not determined by the church you attend nor the faith you embrace. It is determined by the quality of your character and the positive impact you have on those you meet along your journey
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Best explanation of Christianity EVER!
You know if somebody had simply explained it to me this way back when I was a kid I would TOTALLY still be gong to church right now.
Even (I was a little kid in the early 1960s) cynical me would have gone for it. Though zombies scared me.
Throw in a dinosaur and I'd be in ... though if I see one more (and serious, not comedy or humor) pic of Jesus riding a dinosaur, I think I'll scream.
Now Adam and Eve riding a dinosaur, that I would believe.
(Kidding. Seriously, I'm not being serious, just very silly about religion). I used to annoy the nuns asking where the dinosaurs came in, was it before Adam and Eve or afterwards.
I was a savvy child. The nuns were not amused. Come to think about it, neither was I.
My girlfriend once told me that Christians had to be the most gullible of all because they were required to believe three impossible things before breakfast!
I also love annoying Christians when they put down Jews.
Ah, so what is it about a certain Christian revered dead Jew on a cross you don't understand when you're putting down Judaism or Jewish people.
Or, ahem, Christians patronizing Jewish people by falsely wearing a Star of David on their Christian selves. Some push for them mucking up the world to force the rapture or some other fairy tale.
Also, his name wasn't really Jesus Christ, he didn't have blue eyes, white fair skin, blond or light brown hair and didn't speak English or anything resembling any European language, though what he spoke may have influenced later European languages.
Hmm, was Jesus gay? Come on, 12 male followers and none of his groupies were female. I certainly don't see anything ex-gay about Jesus either.
C'mon, Paul, how can you say that? After all, we know Jeebus spoke English because he wrote the Bible in English! And how can you say he wasn't a blue eyed white man? Every picture I've ever seen shows him to be a handsome, aryan hippie. Could every picture be wrong? I think not!
But, yeah, he mighta been gay. (wouldnt THAT make a whole lotta severe conservative heads explode!!)
Correction, oh awesome Beldar...a handsome Aryan hippie wearing a toga and Birkenstocks! Can't understand why the totally relig-eee-ous SeeFourPee crew hates them dang hippies when the Jaaybus style seems to be the model, eh?
I humbly stand corrected. Let it never be said - except behind my back - that Beldar Torus Klaatu Conehead made a statement not fully consistent with reality as we know it.
As the famous televangelist once sang, "Hate the sin, love the sinner, kick that dirty hippie's ass!"
Enoch got to go up to heaven before he died and he saw the windows in the east where the sun and moon and stars come out of and the windows in the west in which they return after they've passed their circuits in the sky.
Elijah had a magic fleece he used to use to smack a creek or river and part it a la Moses and the Red Sea. He gave his magic cloak to Elisha and Elisha used the power to call two she-bears out of the woods to kill and mangle forty-two little children because they made fun of his bald head.
When Job questions God, God tells him that His timing is perfect and uses the example of the hind (deer) whose womb is too firm to deliver so God has a dragon come and "nibble her womb" at exactly the right moment, which softens her womb.
In the story of Tobit (Douay-Rheims Bible) a demon lives in a lady's hoo-hah and bites the guy on the end of his dick, killing him on his wedding night, every time she gets married. (No kidding; a hoo-hah demon)
And unicorns, and Leviathan and Behemoth and Ziz, and dragons and the cockatrice and talking donkeys and literal giants and on and on and on.
As I've said previously, several times: the dirty little secret of Christianity is that most Christians haven't read the Bible. Otherwise we would have many fewer Christians because the Bible is just jam-packed with bu-huuu-huuuulll shit.
Seriously, Randall, thank you! That's an excellent enumeration - just scratching the surface, I might predict - of the loopy lore and magical malarkey that forms the very core of "modern" religion.
Once one peels back the hoary straightjacket from ANY religion, exposing the obvious hallucinatory delusions and feverish fantasies of ancient madmen/charlatans, one has to acknowledge that EVERY religion, regardless of original intent or sincerity, suffers from similar departures from reality. It was ever thus.
Sadly, what you seem to be missing is that Jesus was Rabbi who taught humility, compassion, forgiveness, mercy, and the power of love. Unfortunately, that is what many church going Christians also miss in their race to get their tickets punched for heaven.
Since there is no record of Jesus when he was actually alive, you have no idea what he "taught" -- all you have is people putting words in his mouth hundreds of years later...nice try tho
Well then, the words they put in his mouth were about humility, compassion, etc. my point is that many Christians seem to put the essential teachings of their faith - whatever the source- in second place to trying to prove their exclusive worthiness for "heaven". Which is why I left the church.
The message is a good one if we want to live in a humane world, regardless of who gets credit for being the messenger.
Gryphen, those were my exact thoughts when my grandmother took me for a few weeks one summer for catechism. I tried to be a good student but spent most of the time thinking these people were mean and crazy, and that if this was my salvation, I was in deep dodo.
I prefer vampires to zombies. Yeah, sure, pass the chalice with the blood in it, I'm cool. Plus the mind control of vampires would explain a lot. And the eternal life.
Catholic indoctrination - 12 years. Recovery from said indoctrination - 20 Telling a door-knocking uber-Christian "I'm an atheist" and watching her head explode - lifetime of laughter.
G -
ReplyDeleteCheck out an article on HuffPo by John Ziegler titled, "Sarah Palin Does not Deserve to Speak at Rep Convention".
Pat Padrnos
Would it help if you mentioned the zombie dude was also a pretty decent carpenter?
ReplyDeleteEven (I was a little kid in the early 1960s) cynical me would have gone for it. Though zombies scared me.
ReplyDeleteThrow in a dinosaur and I'd be in ... though if I see one more (and serious, not comedy or humor) pic of Jesus riding a dinosaur, I think I'll scream.
Now Adam and Eve riding a dinosaur, that I would believe.
(Kidding. Seriously, I'm not being serious, just very silly about religion). I used to annoy the nuns asking where the dinosaurs came in, was it before Adam and Eve or afterwards.
I was a savvy child. The nuns were not amused. Come to think about it, neither was I.
:)
My girlfriend once told me that Christians had to be the most gullible of all because they were required to believe three impossible things before breakfast!
ReplyDeleteI also love annoying Christians when they put down Jews.
ReplyDeleteAh, so what is it about a certain Christian revered dead Jew on a cross you don't understand when you're putting down Judaism or Jewish people.
Or, ahem, Christians patronizing Jewish people by falsely wearing a Star of David on their Christian selves. Some push for them mucking up the world to force the rapture or some other fairy tale.
Also, his name wasn't really Jesus Christ, he didn't have blue eyes, white fair skin, blond or light brown hair and didn't speak English or anything resembling any European language, though what he spoke may have influenced later European languages.
Hmm, was Jesus gay? Come on, 12 male followers and none of his groupies were female. I certainly don't see anything ex-gay about Jesus either.
So there.
C'mon, Paul, how can you say that? After all, we know Jeebus spoke English because he wrote the Bible in English! And how can you say he wasn't a blue eyed white man? Every picture I've ever seen shows him to be a handsome, aryan hippie. Could every picture be wrong? I think not!
DeleteBut, yeah, he mighta been gay.
(wouldnt THAT make a whole lotta severe conservative heads explode!!)
Correction, oh awesome Beldar...a handsome Aryan hippie wearing a toga and Birkenstocks! Can't understand why the totally relig-eee-ous SeeFourPee crew hates them dang hippies when the Jaaybus style seems to be the model, eh?
Delete...barada nikto...
L&K 10:29
DeleteI humbly stand corrected. Let it never be said - except behind my back - that Beldar Torus Klaatu Conehead made a statement not fully consistent with reality as we know it.
As the famous televangelist once sang, "Hate the sin, love the sinner, kick that dirty hippie's ass!"
...barada nikto, indeed.
Enoch got to go up to heaven before he died and he saw the windows in the east where the sun and moon and stars come out of and the windows in the west in which they return after they've passed their circuits in the sky.
ReplyDeleteElijah had a magic fleece he used to use to smack a creek or river and part it a la Moses and the Red Sea. He gave his magic cloak to Elisha and Elisha used the power to call two she-bears out of the woods to kill and mangle forty-two little children because they made fun of his bald head.
When Job questions God, God tells him that His timing is perfect and uses the example of the hind (deer) whose womb is too firm to deliver so God has a dragon come and "nibble her womb" at exactly the right moment, which softens her womb.
In the story of Tobit (Douay-Rheims Bible) a demon lives in a lady's hoo-hah and bites the guy on the end of his dick, killing him on his wedding night, every time she gets married. (No kidding; a hoo-hah demon)
And unicorns, and Leviathan and Behemoth and Ziz, and dragons and the cockatrice and talking donkeys and literal giants and on and on and on.
As I've said previously, several times:
the dirty little secret of Christianity is that most Christians haven't read the Bible.
Otherwise we would have many fewer Christians because the Bible is just jam-packed with bu-huuu-huuuulll shit.
"a demon lives in a lady's hoo-hah"
DeleteOnly one???
I kid!! I kid!!!
Seriously, Randall, thank you! That's an excellent enumeration - just scratching the surface, I might predict - of the loopy lore and magical malarkey that forms the very core of "modern" religion.
Once one peels back the hoary straightjacket from ANY religion, exposing the obvious hallucinatory delusions and feverish fantasies of ancient madmen/charlatans, one has to acknowledge that EVERY religion, regardless of original intent or sincerity, suffers from similar departures from reality. It was ever thus.
Sadly, what you seem to be missing is that Jesus was Rabbi who taught humility, compassion, forgiveness, mercy, and the power of love. Unfortunately, that is what many church going Christians also miss in their race to get their tickets punched for heaven.
ReplyDeleteSince there is no record of Jesus when he was actually alive, you have no idea what he "taught" -- all you have is people putting words in his mouth hundreds of years later...nice try tho
DeleteWell then, the words they put in his mouth were about humility, compassion, etc. my point is that many Christians seem to put the essential teachings of their faith - whatever the source- in second place to trying to prove their exclusive worthiness for "heaven". Which is why I left the church.
DeleteThe message is a good one if we want to live in a humane world, regardless of who gets credit for being the messenger.
Gryphen, those were my exact thoughts when my grandmother took me for a few weeks one summer for catechism. I tried to be a good student but spent most of the time thinking these people were mean and crazy, and that if this was my salvation, I was in deep dodo.
ReplyDeleteI prefer vampires to zombies. Yeah, sure, pass the chalice with the blood in it, I'm cool. Plus the mind control of vampires would explain a lot. And the eternal life.
ReplyDeleteCatholic indoctrination - 12 years.
Recovery from said indoctrination - 20
Telling a door-knocking uber-Christian "I'm an atheist" and watching her head explode - lifetime of laughter.