Friday, February 15, 2013

Overweight, poorly camouflaged, white men about to converge on Juneau for rally to protect their penis extenders.

The few, the proud, the "I have to rest for a minute, I'm out of breath," the Alaska Citizens Militia
Courtesy of KTUU:  

The Juneau branch of the Alaska Citizens Militia has scheduled a rally on the steps of the state Capitol. 

The group is calling the event a ".223 day of resistance." The rally is scheduled for Feb. 23. Thom Buzard is chairman ad-hoc of the Juneau Alaska Citizens Militia. 

He says the group is holding the rally because it believes law-abiding gun owners are being penalized for the actions of criminals. 

He says he expects 300 to 400 people to attend. 

The group is a branch of the Alaska Citizens Militia, which was founded by Norm Olson. Olson described the group as confederation of smaller militias around the state. He says each branch varies in size from about 15 to 50 members. 
Alaska militia founder Norm Olson and a date.
My understanding is that Juneau is preparing for the arrival of these weekend warriors by stocking up on GI Joe Underoos, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger movies, and bottles of Cialis each with a complimentary vial of gun barrel lubricant. 

Gee 300 sexually inadequate, gun toting cowards in one of the most liberal cities in Alaska. What could possibly go wrong?

Oh, that's right. A lot could go wrong.


  1. Anonymous2:10 AM

    Is Sally well enough to be there?

    1. Anonymous6:17 AM

      Sarah will step up as Sally's replacement. I hear she will do her Annie Oakley sharpshooter exhibition for Penis Extensions Month. That would help her cause and attract media attention for her.

    2. Anonymous7:45 AM

      I want Sarah to shoot that apple off her own head. A small apple. And no peeking, Baldy.

    3. I don't imagine there's anyplace Sarah would rather be than Juneau.

  2. Time to tell the men from the boys by the size of their's heating up eh?

  3. Anonymous2:55 AM

    Fabulous work, Gryphen.

  4. AKinPA3:39 AM

    If I were an Alaskan, I would feel so secure knowing that good old Norm and his "date" were out there militia-izing and protecting me and my God-given rights. So glad to know that Gryphen and my other Alaskan friends on this site are in such capable hands.

    When is Rick Santorum gonna ditch that sweater vest and don some camouflage to really show us Pennsylvanians that he's out there protecting our rights?

    1. Anonymous6:44 AM

      AK in PA,

      Give up the sweater vest? Sacrilege---Never!

      Mister Frothy Mix might go for a desert storm ripstop cotton camo-print v-neck sweater vest and red-state-red bermuda shorts with matching white belt, but he'd have to offset the stylish nature of his outfit with white over-the-calf tube socks and cordovan penny loafers. And a stylish XL buttplug to complete the ensemble and reduce leakage of his frothy mix of lube and fecal matter, a la Ted Nugent and his potty-partner, Sarah Lou.

  5. Penis extenders? Try penis substitutes.

    1. Anonymous6:28 AM

      Never@ 3:53 AM

      Wouldn't one of those Lex Steele -scale model dongs be much more cost effective for these little guys? Sure it uses a shitload of batteries when fully armed (but hell, it's got to be AT LEAST 16 INCHES, if you include the life-like gourd-size nut sac---or so I'm told. To visualize: I'm pretty fit because I do a lot of physical sports and work out with dumbells... So when I make a fist, bend my arm at the elbow, and flex my forearm-- there you have it-- elbow to the tip of my fist = The Lex, except I have much lighter pigment that the big fella. I got scared when I first saw one when I was buying a little sexy outfit for my girlfriend (Valentine's Day) at the adult shoppe and I ran outside the store until I could catch my breath.) But even at $79.95 + a case of duracells, it's still cheaper than an AR-15 and several boxes of shells, which are probably sold out right now everywhere, anyway.

      If you whip out the Lex, any predator is going to faint, and if he's trying to rape you, he'll be shamed into running home crying to his mommy and sister-wife.

    2. Anonymous7:28 AM

      Sounds like you were rather impressed (obsessed?) with The Lex. Maybe even a little jealous, eh?

    3. Anonymous7:59 AM

      Impressed? Nah, more like amazed at the novelty effect.

      But i've never needed anything like that OR an assault weapon to feel like a man. The fingernail scratches in my lower back and the coos of delight tell me that I'm still doing fine with the standard package here. No accessories needed. But a few candles and a little Barry White in the background never hurt. And I leave my rifle or shot gun in the safe until its time to go hunting.

      No props needed. thank you. Just sayin'.

    4. Anonymous10:04 AM

      I like the cut of your job, Sir! Spoken like a true gentleman.

      I was just pulling your chain, by the way, with my first post! :-)

    5. Anita Winecooler6:25 PM

      Sounds like the clerk was selling his thermos!

      Did you happen to see the keychain version with the initial "T" Palin, the one that runs on one hearing aid battery? Or so I heard...

  6. Anonymous4:01 AM

    What a perfect venue for the Wasilla poll dancer and her bag holder pimp to resurface for some swag.

  7. LoveAndKnishesFromBrooklyn4:26 AM

    OT, but pertains--

    This link about arms and ammo sales going through the roof was posted at the Sea last night, with a quote from the article from me. How long before these spoiled, maladjusted, immature adult "brats" act out?

    ..."Many who have exercised their Second Amendment protections are first time buyers concerned with Federal and State gun grabs being spearheaded by politicians who are using the Sandy Hook school shooting as a pretext to restrict access to personal defense rifles, larger capacity magazines, and even ammunition.

    "But this may only be a part of why there’s so much demand. There are millions of Americans who are genuinely concerned with not just the government taking their guns, but all of their other Constitutionally protected freedoms as well.

    "We understand what happens in regimes that disarm their people. We’ve seen the democide of the last century, which left hundreds of millions of people dead or displaced when their governments turned on them.

    "We are determined to prevent it from happening in the land of the free." are they going to do that, exactly? Could these penis-obsessed pseudo patriots stand up to military firepower if it ever came to it?

    What a truly sick, brainwashed subset of society. Even the outright murder of innocent kids can't make these drooling morons experience a glimmer of empathy. More suckers having their fears whipped up by the gun manufacturers for big bucks. Question to the Bots--if SarahPAC fleeces you for your pocket lint, how can you afford to buy your shiny new assault supplies?

  8. Anonymous5:38 AM

    Goodness, I am a senior woman and look at these foolish old men in costumes as playing dress-uup and war. I wonder how many of them have seen actual combat.

    Every single manI've ever known who has been in combat (including my husband, my father, father-in-law, friends, acquaintances, neighbors, and extended family) never want to paly dress up as re-enactors or militia. They want to avoid conflict that could end in death and destruction. Many of them even avoid war-themed compupter games.

    Even if these guys are convinced they are working of well-intentioned ideals, why don't they join or encourage yoiunger men to j oin the National Guard.? That isthe appropriate "militia."

    These guys are simply Rambo wannabees -and sad ones that that.

    1. Anonymous7:06 AM

      These guys are mostly ones to chicken to serve their country. You nailed it with your post!

    2. Anonymous7:30 AM

      Yes, I agree, Anon 5:38, great comment! Those guys are definitely the ones that bear watching; not the legitimate, responsible, law-abiding gun owners.

    3. Anonymous8:21 AM

      Bingo, ma'am.

      Those who have served don't have to brag or pretend, and are actually pretty damn humbled by their service, in my experience. It wasn't a game for them, it was war. An up- close, in your face war, that doesn't happen much anymore because of the technology and the unwillingness of most of our citizens to put our young men and women into a meat-grinder charging machine gun pillboxes to save the rest of their company. Not it that there aren't casualties and risks, but the militia goons don't include the real horrors or war in their little fantasy script.

      These pretend-warriors playing GI joe is just like Baseball Fantasy camps that retired baseball players put on down in Florida every spring where they let a bunch of old never-has-been guys "play" baseball with a few retired "stars" just so they can wear a uniform and pretend. None of the preparation, none of the stresses of competition, no overnight bus rides. No sweat or sacrifice. Just a fantasy and all pretend.

      It's just a hobby, that's all. Boys playing in the woods with guns. I'd rather golf. Less chiggers and fewer accidents. And fewer ignorant cranks to have to listen to.

  9. Anonymous5:54 AM

    Hehehehe.....Norm Olson and a date! Love your sense of humor. Please attend and take lots of pictures of these purdy fellas.

  10. Anonymous7:05 AM

    Militia's are just domestic terrorist groups and should be classified as such.

  11. Anonymous7:07 AM

    No doubt that witnessing the desperate double down on stupid by Palin and her support team has been very enlightening to the readers (mostly-but not all men, mostly Republican & Libertarian) at Field & Stream.

    Even those who are apolitical couldn't help but notice the SWARM of craziness once the columnist there kicked the hive of Palin worshipers. Sarah did a great job of alienating many who otherwise would be at least a natural ally to her... by just being herself.

    Sarah can't help but act the fool and encourage her sycophants to follow suit. Deny the truth, spin the situation to somehow be a victim, double down and expand the lie into several more, lead the charge of the attack by her brain-washed buffoons, lie some more. Oh, I forgot to include tweeting several stupid msgs and then paying a ghostwriter to post a fact-free Facebook entry and send an email to fanbots grifting for PAC donations and begging the same victims to buy the Creepy Chuckies stupid book that they can't even give away.

    Where are all her 3.5 million fans? No one wants an autographed picture of Sarah for FREE when they purchase a book about her? Maybe she needs to send an email to Roger Ailes. I'll bet he'll buy one. Or Bill O'Reilly. LOL

  12. Anonymous7:54 AM

    They look and act like idiots! Alaskans, and the nation, should be embarrassed by them.

    I agree w/you IM - I'll wager most of them have tiny dicks - much like Todd Palin i noted to have.

  13. Anonymous9:25 AM

    The guys I've talked to at gun ranges generally despise these militia kooks for being such scared pussies that they have to hoard ammunition, depleting supplies and driving the prices for sport shooting ammo thru the roof. You don't see these pretenders at the ranges dressed up like Rambo, either. They're embarrassed of who they are unless they are running around in their little group of dress-up play soldier outfits. I was a badass with my twin revolvers on my hips too at one time. But I was 7 and got over my cap guns and cowboy n Indians phase. Clowns.

  14. Anonymous9:38 AM

    who dresses these pukes ?!?

  15. Anonymous10:59 AM

    The Role of Sarah Palin Will Now Be Played By Herman Cain On Fox News

    Death panels have been replaced by 9-9-9 as Herman Cain will be taking over Sarah Palin’s role as the voice of crazy on Fox News.

    It appears that those who assumed Scott Brown was Sarah Palin’s replacement had it all wrong. Fox News announced today that Herman Cain has joined the network as a contributor. Fox News VP Bill Shine actually said with a straight face that, “Cain’s impressive resume makes him a valuable addition to the FOX News and FOX Business lineup. As a political expert with business savvy, he brings an important voice to the nation’s debates.” Cain topped Shine by adding, “I’m excited about joining the FOX family as a contributor because it is an opportunity to be one more voice for intelligent thinking in America.”

    Calling Herman Cain a political expert is both a crime against politics and broadcasting. This is also the same network that consistently referred to Sarah Palin as an energy expert despite the fact that her knowledge of energy policy is limited to knowing how to flip a light switch.

    The only person that Fox could have hired with a lighter resume than Sarah Palin was Herman Cain. The former 2012 Republican presidential candidate is most famous for somehow enjoying a short stint as the front runner for the nomination despite the fact that he more allegations of sexual harassment against him (4) than ideas in his campaign (1). Fox News has gotten in step with the times by swapping Palin’s death panels and insane rants for Cain’s 9-9-9 pizza deal/flat tax and insane rants.

    1. Anonymous5:11 PM

      Maybe they want Herman to bring the pizzas!

  16. Anonymous11:08 AM

    It would be a fascinating study to line up men and compare how little their dicks were compared to how big their gun was. Yep, those results would rock the country! Little dicks = big guns. Period.

  17. Anonymous2:09 PM

    I want norm olson to be grandpa.....or my sugar's so hard to choose but they both would involve some spankings so I am okay with either.

  18. Anonymous5:06 PM

    Dear Mr. Olson,

    Can I come join your Citizens Militia even if I don't yet have white hair?

    Tom, in FL

  19. Anita Winecooler6:30 PM

    Ahhh old, out of shape, white dudes in matching uniforms but different hats so they can tell which one's the other guy. Add cialis and guns and you've got an accident waiting to happen. Not enough blood to run both heads at the same time.... maybe Granny will do a "gut wrenching" run on the hilly terrain before dropping in for her pep talk!


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