Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Alaska man feeds barbecue meat to bear. That's a mauling!

Come at me bro!
Courtesy of ADN:

A man was mauled by a bear near the Eklutna Lake Campground on Saturday after he threw barbecued meat at the animal, the Alaska State Troopers said Sunday. 

The man was at the lake, north of Anchorage, for a church picnic, said Alaska State Troopers spokeswoman Beth Ipsen. 

Sometime around 5 p.m. on Saturday he broke off from the picnic and decided to go for a bike ride, bringing some food from the barbecue along. 

He came across a black bear somewhere between a campground fee station and an ice cream stand near the park, Ipsen said. 

The man threw a piece of meat at the bear, which ate it, she said. Then he offered another piece, she said. 

“That’s when it kind of went ballistic,” she said. 

I am going to add this next part even though most of you re probably way ahead of me.

"He'd been drinking." 

Yeah no shit!

I swear some people are too stupid to live here!

Look if you re planning to visit Alaska, here are some things to keep in mind.

EVERYTHING up here wants to kill you.

The mudflats around Anchorage can and will kill you.

The rivers and lakes can and will kill you,.

The weather can and will kill you.

Bears can and will kill you.

Our moose can and will kill you.

And yes, if there are enough of them, even our mosquitoes can and will kill you.

But if you are smart and check out the visitor's guide and make some basic common sense choices you will have a great time.

Trust me, if a panty waist like Sarah Palin can survive here, so can you.

P.S By the way I am supposed to go camping at Eklutna some time this week.

I have decided to leave the barbecue sauce at home, because apparently bears HATE that crap!


  1. Anonymous2:20 AM

    Too bad the guy wasn't biking with Sarah, Bristol, and Joan Rivers: the sounds alone would have scared him off.
    Drinking? At a church picnic?

  2. Anonymous3:21 AM

    Lawd Jesus, this is a funny post!

  3. Anonymous4:03 AM

    The man was at the park for a church picnic? Funny, evidently so was the bear!

    1. Cracklin Charlie7:52 AM

      Those Christians make a tasty snack!

  4. Anonymous4:06 AM

    I'm shocked! Shocked I tell you! Drinking at a church picnic!!!

    1. Anonymous5:36 AM

      You do know that the Knights of Columbus is primarily a drinking club? In my state it's how people avoid blue laws.

  5. Anonymous4:31 AM

    Lesson: don't bike on trails where bears roam - while drunk - with wafting aromas of BBQ'd meat on you - alone.

    Lesson 2 - always know bears aren't looking for a good time, but for a meal - don't be that meal.

    I've lived in the wilds on the border of a small town growing up and we always always followed simple rules, knowing that curious wildlife would come by and we knew how to be prepared. We didn't provoke them nor send messages that we were idiots.

  6. LisaB25954:43 AM

    Poor dumb guy. That was pretty much my attitude when I lived there. You don't fuck with Alaska.

    This picture pretty much sums it up:

  7. Anonymous5:02 AM

    Try a liberal application of BBQ sauce on your skin as a bear repellant before hiking in the woods. Let us know how it works out.

    1. Cracklin Charlie7:50 AM

      Make sure you use a good Kansas City Style BBQ sauce.

      Like Gates.

  8. Since there was an ice cream stand near by why didn't he buy it an ice cream cone too?

  9. Anonymous6:05 AM

    It is amazing Sarah Palin has survived there. As you said, it DOES take SOME common sense.

  10. Randall7:19 AM

    Ummm... I think you misspelled panty "waste".

    1. Anita Winecooler5:50 PM

      Depends on if it's before or after the bear mauled the fool with the bbq!

  11. Anonymous7:21 AM

    It's just like that old song from the fifties:

    "When you hand-feed a bear
    with a barbequed faire
    thar's a-mauling"

    Sorry. Couldn't stop myself. ROFL

    1. Anonymous9:59 PM

      Oh man, you caused a grimace, wince and a chuckle here. Very clever. +3

  12. Will the bear be put to death?

  13. How ironic is it having a drunk man show up at a church picnic? These two things aren't usually found together in the same place at the same time. I guess his being drunk caused him to ignore the rule that one doesn't feed wild animals.

  14. Anita Winecooler6:00 PM

    I love the part where the man's name isn't being released because he may be charged with doing something illegal. My guess is his first name is "Reverend".


Don't feed the trolls!
It just goes directly to their thighs.