So Palin made a brief appearance on Fox's truly laughable New Year's eve show, and she brought word salad for the masses.
Bill Hemmer and Elizabeth Hasselbeck are the hosts of the gaffe ridden program and they had the not so enviable job of pretending to understand what in the hell Palin was saying.
Their first question was an easy one, does she have any New Year's resolutions.
Palin: "Heck yeah, I take them real seriously, and ..uh..I have three this year. First one is eat more meat. Don't worry they get deeper as I go..the next resolutions. Um..I am going to try to help America (Please don't!), all of us as individuals, make our federal government as irrelevant in our lives as possible. And then the third resolution is to take former UCLA coach John Wooden's Pyramid of Success and live it out, because it is imperative you guys that we as individuals do all we can to live with industriousness, and self discipline, and selflessness, so that together as a whole our nation can be restored to her exceptionalism."
I cannot tell if there is a time delay after Palin finishes her remarks or if Hemmer and Hasselbeck are simply stunned by the mooseshit. However they recover relativity well and immediately suggest they start drinking in response.
Then Hasselbeck pretends to warm herself on the pretend fire in the pretend backdrop behind Palin.
Hasselbeck asks Palin if she and Todd have any New Year's traditions. (Todd? Todd who?)
Palin: "Yes absolutely, as soon as we wrap up this hit we're going to go jump on our Ski-Doos (There's some product placement for you.) head out to the base of Mt.McKinley (Real Alaskans call this Mt. Denali.), out to our cabin, and ring in the new year with buddies out there, and it'll be nice and chilly and uh..exactly the way that we want it, being out there in the great outdoors enjoying God's creation." (Yeah Palin is well known to hate the cold, and this was filmed around 6 PM last night. It is a three hour drive to Denali Park, so I imagine it is close to that on a snowmachine, which means that Palin is saying she is going to spend around three hours driving in the cold to arrive at their cabin about two, two and half hours before midnight? Sure, why not?)
Hemmer then pretends that Palin's book was a success and asks her if there was a moment in 2013 that she would take forward into 2014. (Benghazi!)
Palin: "Uh you know I think..uh..something that we all should be able to take forward is the thankfulness we should be feeling for..um..this notion that the eyes of the nation are really opening up, we're becoming more and more aware of how important it is that we do pull our own weight, and we respect work ethic, and we not rely on the Federal government to do anything for us cause they keep screwing things up. So we have a thankfulness that I think we should bring forward into 2014, we felt a lot of that in 2013 as people became more aware of the potential for us as powerful individuals to pull our own weight."
This last part is SO stupid that even Palin looks stunned at what came out of her mouth.
However Hasselbeck calls it a great message, because you know..Fox News, whose watching at this time of night anyhow.
That is essentially the end of interview though Hemmer mentions that Palin once gave up chocolate as her resolution once, and stayed off of it for an entire year. And if you believe THAT I have a cold snowmachine trip to Denali park I'd like to sell you.
By the way, for those who are interested, this is John Wooden's Pyramid of Success.
I would bet money that instead of hanging out in that cabin in Denali that Palin is right now winging it back to Arizona so that she can get warm again. Now that her book tour is over, and the Alaskan facade is less necessary, I do not see her spending much of her time up here in the near future.
Which by the way is just the way we Alaskans like it.