I'm trying to imagine how much masturbation it would take to make me feel that I was left wounded in a battlefield, but I can't quite do it. I mean I've had a little chafing, but nothing that required a stretcher or triage.
The fact that the Mormon church views a perfectly natural thing, that is done by a wide assortment of other animals by the way, as dangerous, tells me quite a lot about their mindset.
By the way, speaking of mindsets, that knowing look the two main characters share across a crowded room makes me think that insisting that boys not touch their naughty bits, and avoid doing the deed with girls until their married, might create an entirely different battlefield where having a friend "lend a hand" might be the whole problem.
Back in cave man days, our ancestors watched each other all the time, and they certainly got aroused. Anyone without a partner probably went behind a tree for a time, and then they went hunting, not giving it another thought. Their minds were uncluttered and probably quite healthy. I can’t say the same for that “leader,” he’s clearly obsessed.
ReplyDeleteTaking five to whack one's peepee has always been okay. Kind of like a coworker taking a smoke break. You know, I'd prefer you do that outside if you're gonna blow it in my face.
DeleteAnd also, too, no pooping in the cave.
Ancient writing found on cave wall: "Just take that shit outside and don't be bringing yer crap up here in my crib, holmes." Yeah, with quotation marks and punctuation, because we're talkin bout cave men, not a bunch of baggers.
There are a LOT of Alaskan fundies seeking office to legislate anti-masturbation, anti-pre-marital sex laws, make divorce, sodomy, LGBT relationships illegal and deny spousal-rape as a crime. Hell, any kind of rape, as a crime. And don't get them started on women's plumbing, it's all an evil, gross, ungodly mystery.
ReplyDeletenot their but they're
ReplyDeletesad thing is that this could have been quite effective as a suicide prevention ad.
ReplyDeleteRemember the Youtube that exposed the Duck Dynasty hypocrites? Dusty is at it again ripping this ridiculous video to pieces. Warning....explicit, truthful language.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OM_U7DFlqe8
It's a necessary thing for health reasons for young men, both mentally and physically.
ReplyDeleteI had a room mate in the military at an isolated station who apparently had a hang-up about doing it although I don't know his reasons. He developed physical symptoms (excess dripping), so fearing some disease he went to the infirmary. The doctor there told him he needed to masturbate more frequently. Problem solved.
I think these church elders are giving really bad advice.
Nocturnal emissions generally take care of an excess of sperm and seminal fluid.
Delete11:44 am
DeleteBut so do my HOs. ~ Toad Palin, head pimp
Gryphen, why are you libruls always so eager to surrender to the enemy in The Great War against masturbation?
ReplyDeleteCan't you see how close we are to rubbing out masturbation as the scourge of humanity that it is? Why did we abandon the effective punishments of public shaming, facial branding, hand amputations and eye plucking just as enlightened society was on the edge of a satisfying climax in the fight against self-abuse?
Hopefully this Mormon battle imagery video is a stroke of genius that will soon rid mankind of this awful practice.
Reminder: the second "m" is silent.
Delete"The Great War"?? omg.
ReplyDeleteHey Brisket, can you gimme a hand over here?
Delete(5 minutes later) Hey, thanks Beefogetti. But I really just wanted you to tell me if I had hung that picture straight?
A couple comments at the Youtube site:
ReplyDeleteLupin788 3 days ago
Did you notice the two guys have some physical resemblance to the actors in The Falls (a 2012 film about two Mormon missionaries who fall in love)?
liquidassets81 2 days ago
+Lupin788 I didn't, because I haven't heard about the movie, but the tone of this video was incredibly homoerotic, lol.
Reply · 8
foreverbellz 2 days ago
+Lupin788 The gay love in this video was so real, guyz.
Can't watch the whole thing. I do agree on one point, online or video porn is addictive. My instructions to my sons who explored it in their early teens was that it was normal to be curious but not to let it become a habit. Real girls are more challenging to get to know, but worth the effort.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, and masturbation is totally healthy for men and women!
ReplyDeleteI'd type a lengthy rebuttal to this nonsense, but with only one hand available, it would take too long.
ReplyDeleteGot Dragon?
DeleteNo, I'm afraid I'd step on it. So I just carry it inside my silk boxers usually. Feels better than the pavement.
DeleteI like the way Matt Cale at Ruthless Reviews blames 15th president James Buchanan for "his failure to wipe the scourge of Mormonism from the fucking globe when he had the means and justification to do so."
ReplyDeletehttp://www.ruthlessreviews.com/647/assholes-of-the-american-presidency/
Might be good therapy for Willard!
ReplyDeleteSend 'em off to a real war. If you can find them.
ReplyDeleteThe only two mormons that I know are both gay men that were excommunicated after their mission trip.
ReplyDeleteShh. Don't anybody tell them about the gay porn site mormonboyz dot com. Their heads'll explode. "Patriarch Smith" and "Bishop Angus" are hot.
ReplyDeleteUtah has the highest population of Mormons in the country, and consumes the most online pornography. Now, while I'm reluctant to posit a causal relationship based upon these statistics, I think it's safe to say that they have their hands full.
ReplyDeleteWho looks at porn with the door open?
ReplyDeleteI do when I'm sending a strong hint to my girlfriend that some HooHah would be nice after dinner. Let's just skip the coffee and desserts.
DeleteDo Mormons go to war? I thought their "get out of war" card was the missions. Anyhoo.... I like the juxtaposition of men with metal penis extenders and men who masturbate.
ReplyDeleteAnd I LOVE the title on the video.
"Christian anti masturbation video Encourages you to lend a hand"
The video itself is highly homoerotic, I wonder what the reason for that was?
If he (or she, presumably) is in the next room, door wide open and howling at the full moon while sitting on a huge Lex Steele (google at your leisure) model of dildo, that's called living vibrantly.
Delete--- per Krusty & Beefy, Double Dong BFFs