Palin's CPAC speech in its entirety. Might need a cocktail to get through this. Update!

Of course Palin is introduced by a representative of the NRA.

After that they play that Palin propaganda film that SarahPAC paid for awhile back.

After that Palin strides to the podium to thunderous applause.  (Well thunderous for CPAC anyhow.)

She carries with her a white three ring notebook, which means her ghostwritten speech must have been too long to fit on her palms this time.

By the way this thing is over thirty minutes long so if you think I am going to transcribe the whole thing, well you have another think coming.

Palin starts off mocking Obamacare, and claims that the youth who supported Obama are "suckers" because they end up paying the health care bills for the rest of us.

She also mocks MSNBC, who she derisively calls MSLSD, for predicting that the country is leaning to the left.

She makes a number of little quips about not being able to access the Healthcare.org website, or being able to make a phone call without Michele Obama knowing.  Whatever THAT means.

She claimed that since 2012 the country had become wiser, and now knew:

"There ain't no such thing as a free lunch. There is no free birth control. There's no free phone. There's no free doctor visits. There's no free Fritos. There's no free ride. Someone pays, someone always pays. And if you don't know who that someone is, it's probably you."

Of course if you are a Palin there ARE free doctor visits, and fortunately for them SarahPAC pays for the rest.

Except the birth control, because which Palin would be caught dead using that?

"Hopefully those social engineering politicos learned something as well. Americans are not quite as obedient as they thought we were. See they set up a lot of hoops. Making us pay for insurance that we don't want, don't need. Telling us 'Ahh there's nothing to see in Benghazi, move along, move along.' Nor at the IRS. Nothing amiss. Not even a smidgeon. Making us bear the brunt of that dopey wobbling on the world stage. But we didn't jump through those hoops the way we were supposed to. It's like you all went rogue."

Red meat, get your bloody red meat here!

Nothing but Right Wing talking points as far as the eye can see.

Palin gives Ted Cruz a reach around for trying to stop Obamacare, and chastises the Republican "army" for joining with the Lamestream media in trashing Cruz and others who did not realize the battle was lost.

Palin then does the unthinkable and referring to the fact that Cruz read from Dr. Suess during his faux filibuster, claims to now read her own modified version of "Green Eggs and Ham" to poor little Trig.

"I do not like this Uncle Sam. I do not like his healthcare scam. I do not like these dirty crooks, or how they lie and cook the books. I do not like when Congress stills, I do not like their crony dills. I do not like this spying man. I do not like 'Oh yes we can.' I do not like this spending spree. We're smart we know there's nothing free. I do not like reporter's smug replies when I complain about their lies. I do not like this kind of hope. And we won't take it nope, nope, nope."

And that my friends is how SarahPAC fees for speech writers is spent.

You know I would feel badly for Trig if I even for a moment believed she actually read to him.

Palin trots out most of her worn out talking points, crony capitalism, big government, liberal elites, fundamentally transforming the country, clingers and wingers, Republican establishment, the shining city on the hill, you've heard it all before.

I will say that Palin is more polished then she has been in recent appearances but her word salad is just as thoroughly tossed as usual.

At one point the crowd starts chanting "Run Sarah, Run." Which I assume is what you get when your reality television show ponies up $9,000 to help pay for the event.

Her response, "I should. I did not get to run this morning. I was so busy man."

And that was just about all I could take.

I need to reread my contract because NOBODY should have to sit through two sessions of Sarah Palin's batshit crazy word salad in one day.

If she said anything else of interest, and you manage to last long enough to hear it, just leave it in the comments sections for us to mock.

I think I need a drink.

Update: Here is what Media Matters took away:

Palin mocked Obama for projecting weakness on the world stage in the midst of the crisis in Ukraine, taking a page out of the NRA book to tell him, “The only good thing that stops a bad guy with a nuke is a good guy with a nuke!” And she also turned the tables of the War on Women back on the Democrats, saying that “liberals seem to think that the women of America are just cheap dates” who they can condescend to on women’s issues.” 

She rallied feminists in the GOP to stand up and be heard, because “donkeys just bray, only mama grizzlies can say, ‘Hear me roar!’”

Yep, I figured the speech would just keep getting dumber.

Update 2: From Politico:  

Palin also devoted a section of her speech to women in the audience, urging them to resist Democratic entreaties after a year filled with partisan fights over Obamacare’s women’s health care provisions and calls by some in the GOP to retool the party’s message to women. 

“Women, don’t let them use you unless you choose to be their political pawn or just their piece of accessory on their arm,” Palin said. “Honey, that’s not liberation. That’s subjugation, and this sisterhood fights against that.” 

She spoke shortly after the announcement that Paul had won CPAC’s presidential straw poll. Palin took 2 percent of the votes, tied with figures such as Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal and former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee, after she flirted with a run in 2011. 

Well so much for being the darling of the conservative right.

Update 3: Hey guess who plagiarized that Dr. Suess bit.