Bristol Palin's ghostwriter helps her to tell HER side of the drunken brawl. Spoiler alert: Bristol is an innocent victim. Update!

"He had his hands on me, pushing me down.  That’s when I swung and hit his face."

So the Palin family is calling in all of their apologists to help spin the drunken brawl story their way.

This includes Bristol's blog writer Nancy French. who essentially weaves a tale of woe that has little in common with the facts as we know them. The title of this revisionist history is "The Truth about the “Palin Brawl” – The Media Reveals Its Bias Against Conservative Women Once Again."

Okay buckle up because you know there are going to be plenty of sharp turns and sudden stops in this wild ride.

First she starts off listing all of "lies" told about the Palin family.

Such as that Trig is not Sarah's son. (Of course he is. She adopted him.)

That they can see Russia from their house. (Not anymore I think Putin is building a wall to specifically keep from horrified by their antics.)

And that her parents are, and no I am not typing this wrong, "giving" a divorce.

After that Brancy attempts to paint their masterpiece of mendacity....with their fingers apparently.

First off it seems that Bristol is blaming the attack on Steve Lebida on Connor Cleary, who she claims was tweeting that now infamous phrase "About to be famous up in this bitch" DURING the party on September 6th.

However that tweet did not come out until September the eleventh. So I think we can all safely call bullshit on this one.

Bristol goes on to claim that it was Connor's mother who pushed Willow. (Does anybody else find it interesting that now she claims to know who this was, after telling the police she had no idea of the woman's name or age?)

So in Bristol's story she was in the limo when Willow came up to her crying after being pushed down by this lady. (Connor Cleary's mom in this story.)

Well Bristol could not let that slide because, and these are Brancy's words, "Next to God, family is the most important thing to me."

I am going to cut and paste this next part for accuracy, as I don't want to get any of the carefully crafted wording wrong:

After I got out of the car, I didn’t get far. I never even got to talk to his mom, because a guy in his late thirties or early forties got in my face. He was towering over me – probably at 6 foot something and over 200 pounds. He puffed his chest out and started yelling. 

“You c-nt!” he looked right in my eyes and said. “Get the f-ck out of here, you slut!” 

I was alarmed that things had gotten so bad so fast. But it got even worse when this guy started pushing me. He had his hands on me, pushing me down. That’s when I swung and hit his face. 

Some would say I should’ve never retaliated in defense against him, but certainly he should never have pushed a girl. It didn’t phase him. He pushed me down to the ground and kept me there. 

It was scary and awful. He held me down until someone got me out of the situation. 

That’s it – that’s the story. 

I didn’t “swing and hit him seven times with a strong right hook” as so many so-called news stories have reported. After this incident, I still had a perfect manicure on all ten of my nails. Plus – I’m left handed. I wouldn’t even begin to know how to begin “swinging” at someone. 

The incident was scary and infuriating. I had bruises all over me from being pushed down.

(The above is exactly how this is written on the blog right now. I want you all to remember that in case it gets changed later.)

Okay so to be clear this, in no way, reflects the version told by seven eyewitnesses and Korey Klingenmeyer himself.  However the Palins believe that because of their infamy and money THEY can change the narrative and the press will simply eat it up. (P.S. For those who want to compare this fantasy to the facts, just click here.)

From there Brancy dares to compare how this incident is being covered to the media response concerning news about Joe Biden's son or coverage of the Clintons.

The last part goes like this:  

But it wasn’t Chelsea. 

It wasn’t Hillary. 

It wasn’t someone they liked or someone they agreed with. 

It was a conservative. 

And once again, the hypocrisy of the media is laid bare.

Just so you know I was able to get a message out to Korey Klingenmeyer yesterday through a few connections, that he needed to seriously consider getting a lawyer and pressing charges. 

I would give the same advice to the Cleary family as well.

The Palins survive because people are too afraid to stand up to them.

Well if they don't nobody will. And the time is now.

Right fucking now.

Update: Brancy has now added a report from CNN for which she takes great umbrage.

Update 2: Unbelievably Carol Costello of CNN is now apologizing for her remarks (Warning, link takes you to Breitbart.):

"Over the past few days I have been roundly criticized for joking about a brawl involving the Palin family," Costello writes. "In retrospect, I deserve such criticism and would like to apologize."

According to CNN she will NOT be apologizing on the air.

But still WTF?