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| Vanessa Coulier, far left, with her wife and little girls. |
Hundreds of Vanessa Collier's friends and family gathered Saturday at New Hope Ministries, sitting before an open casket that held the woman they loved, when suddenly the minister overseeing her funeral stopped the service.
The memorial could not continue, Pastor Ray Chavez said, as long as pictures of Collier with the love of her life, the spouse she shared two children with, were to be displayed.
Chavez said there could be no images of Collier with her wife, Christina. There could be no indication that Collier was gay.
Outraged, those who loved Collier, 33, picked up programs, flowers and eventually the dead woman's casket itself, moving the service to a mortuary that — thankfully, they say — happened to be across the street.
"It was humiliating," said Victoria Quintana, Collier's longtime friend. "It was devastating."
And here I thought that President Obama did away with "Don't Ask Don't Tell."
I guess it is still alive and well, pardon the pun, in the funeral biz.
Can only imagine the effect this must have had on those two little girls to recognize that even in death the church went out of its way to disrespect their mother.
I think somebody better alert this New Hope Ministries that progress is coming, and they can only hold it off for so long.
You would think that the only time we are all truly equal would be
ReplyDeleteat birth and death . . . . . We aren't.
Very well said. (Unfortunately.)
DeleteI hate to say this but you are sounding more and more like a super market tabloid every day.
ReplyDeleteMargot
You know, you don't have to read IM if it hurts your sensibilities. Why don't you do yourself a favor and find another blog that only publishes things YOU like. Better yet, write your own blog. No one us making you read this one!
DeleteI guess you don't like the fact that Gryphen continues to publicize the hypocrisy and bigotry of some of those in the religious community. Too bad. The more exposure these folks get, the better off we'll all be.
DeleteIt's called current events, Margot.
DeleteAnd let me take this opportunity to say that I appreciate you Gryphen, for all that you do. I like reading your take on current events.
DeleteMargot does NOT speak for me.
Margot doesn't speak for anyone at all but herself. Reporting on bigotry and prejudice isn't tantamount to tabloid gossip, no matter how you slice it.
DeleteSo it's all cool so long as they hide their love for their family.
ReplyDeleteThat's the Christian thing to do, I guess.
I read this yesterday, and it troubled me in more ways than one, because of a lot that wasn't there to read.
ReplyDeleteYes, fuck New Hope Ministries and their behavior, but I'm also curious what took Vanessa Collier at a mere 33, how long the couple had been associated with New Hope that they didn't know their attitude toward gays, as well as confounded by gays who seek a religious sendoff given the stubborn attitudes still so easily found today.
In Queer As Folk the character Brian Kinney once stated, "There's two kinds of straight people in the world, those who hate you to your face, and those that hate you behind your back." I'm afraid, in maybe eight out of ten cases, he's likely still right.
I hope those children mend well; what a horrible display to witness at their age.
dvlaries---I loved Queer As Folk too. And even though
Deletethe amazing Brian Kinney character was a Randian narcissist, I'd now move the numbers to about six out of ten.
Did this poor woman actually attend this heinous pastor's church on a regular basis? No one ever mentioned it--or I misread the article. I know many people who were not church goers who were memorialized in never attended churches.
All I can say is Pastor Ray reminded me of one of the reasons I'm an atheist.
Thanks for this dvlaries- I was wondering the same thing about their association with the church.
DeleteBut it goes both ways- did they not know the church's views, and did the pastor not know much about the deceased and/or the funeral service he was about to conduct. The whole thing seems strange.
R in NC
Her gun went off when she was cleaning it, that's how she died. Nothing took her but her own carelessness, thank fully she didn't kill one of her kids or her partner. I feel bad for her family that their memorial to her was ruined by the idiot at the service, BUT they were told ahead of time to remove those pictures and they did not.
DeleteFreedom of religion and all that, but they should have either done what the "church" wanted or contracted services elsewhere.
My understanding is they weren't members of the church. I believe this is the neighborhood in which she grew up. They asked the church to perform the ceremony and the church agreed, then stopped the funeral 15 minutes in.
DeleteI also read that, as of yesterday, the pastor still hadn't given back any of the money paid to him to perform the funeral he didn't perform.
Link please, 8:16.
Deletehttp://heavy.com/news/2015/01/vanessa-collier-funeral-lesbian-christina-higley/
DeleteHuh, she was killed while cleaning her gun, I didn't believe it. Even if she was a gun nut she still didn't deserve this treatment from the church.
If that doesn't drive people away from "the church"
ReplyDelete...what will?
What would it take?
I agree, and then when I scrolled down to see the previous post, it seemed so fitting.
DeleteAs a kid, all it took was televangelists to put me off religion. The idea that an all powerful, loving god would let THOSE people speak for him was all I needed to know. If the biblical god were real, grifters would be spontaneously bursting into flames left and right...
DeletePeople are leaving churches in droves. Remember the catholic church is blaming female altar servers a week or so ago. Stats a saw about 2 yrs ago in a news article said American Catholic churches are losing 800,000 members a yr. While a good share may be by attrition, either others are leaving and not joining.
DeleteSo like most hate groups, churches have doubled dowqn on the hating part thinking somehow it will make them a more attractive to people/families outside their churches. Not unlike white power groups did when we elected a black president.
Just when I thought I heard it all
ReplyDeleteI would think that there are now 2 more non-believers in the world. Those two little girls will probably remember this all their lives - and be strong advocates for disbelieve. Or, at least, against ignorance and intolerance.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I can be awfully dense sometimes. Right after posting the above comment, it occurred to me that it is possible the SOB did it deliberately - just to emphasize his hatred and certainty that gays can't get into heaven?
DeleteIf that was his intent, I thick he screwed up.
I hope they become strong advocates against hate and bigotry( which means they most likely will be against churches)
DeleteA more apropos name, No Hope Ministries. Quite fitting for a lot of the fundie bunches.
ReplyDeleteOK, so they think homosexuality is a sin--but I thought Christians believed EVERYONE was a sinner. Seriously, do they hold memorials for people who worked on Sundays? If they did, they'd be hypocrites. Why can't these people understand that even by their own odd logic they're not making sense. "Let he who is without sin have a memorial in our church." --seems like the only person they think should be memorialized in their church magically came back to life three days after they pried his corpse from a cross.
ReplyDelete7:36 There ya go trying to apply logic and assuming these people have a single clue about what their savior said about how He expected them to behave in that book they claim he wrote. ;P
DeleteSeen it happen many, many times with the Russian Orthodox church. So sorry, you can't have a funeral service, in the church, because the deceased committed suicide. You can't have this blessing because you had children out of wedlock. You must be placed in the casket in such a way, and backwards placed cross, because you are a sinner.
ReplyDeleteEven in Death. The "sinner" must be punished.
Color me crazy, but in my opinion 99% of a funeral is for the ones left behind. To comfort them and give them some kind of closure. And these Holier Than Thou asshats make the grieving family feel even worse.
No wonder organized religion is failing - they keep on alienating those who they rely upon for support. Sorry Church, not all of us are masochists.
I will at least say that the Catholic church finally lifted that ridiculous thing about suicides.
DeleteThe 99% figure is just a tad conservative, don't you think?
DeleteThe B.
I can't think of anything more un Christ like than to stop a funeral in progress and kick the dead person out of the building.
ReplyDeleteFucking christians and their hateful ways. Episodes like this encourage me to be even more cruel when those fuckwads show up at my door.
ReplyDeleteone might naturally assume the asshat pastor believes in Jesus... he obviously doesn't agree with how Jesus treated others...
ReplyDeleteBreach of contract suit - I hope - in 3 2 1 . THe preacher is covered by the religious searation clause. But once he contracted to perform the service - he had to. Have to wonder - if his church has other tenets that have caused him to stop or refuse funerals. Divorce? Illegitmate kid? Suicide? Alcoholism? Violence?
ReplyDeleteYeah, didn't think so.
These idiots deserve the worst treatment when they pass. let their families feel the pain compounded grief, I can't imagine being one of the family members.
ReplyDeleteWhen the pastor and his family die, leave them rot by the side of the road and sell time lapsed movies of their corpses to use as internet memes. I hope the family got their money back, if any changed hands.
I don't care who they bow to, I wouldn't treat an animal this poorly in a time of need. I hold them and their followers in the same category. Bigots who don't care about their "God"'s creatures.
The thing about karma is you can't force it, but when it happens, you'll know. I thought humanity was better than this, but apparently I'm wrong. A few years ago, a church "outed" a woman for being a lesbian and refused to give communion to her grieving spouse. What bothered me most was, they asked her to forgive them, and she said she already had because God asked her to. She's a better person than I am.