Monday, August 03, 2015

Ted Cruz makes a political advertisement that doubles as a cry for help concerning insecurities about his manhood.

Courtesy of Mother Jones:  

The new video produced, by IJ Review, the conservative media outlet that brought you such hits as "How To Destroy Your Cell Phone with Lindsey Graham," features Cruz demonstrating how to cook bacon the way he claims they do it in Texas. In the video, Cruz wraps a strip of bacon around the barrel of a machine gun, covering it in tin foil, then shooting at a target until the grease starts to drip onto the cement. Cruz then unwraps the tin foil and takes a fork to the sizzling meat. "Mmm, machine-gun bacon," he says. Then he tilts his head back slightly and laughs.

I don't want to get too Freudian here but did anybody else notice how carefully,  and yes even gently, Cruz wraps that pig flesh around the barrel of his gun?

You know if I went to school with a guy who attempted to convince that this was how he made his breakfast every morning, all it would do is convince me that he would be giving me his lunch money every day until graduation.

I have no idea how a man who is so clearly lacking significantly in the penile area was able to produce enough sperm to father two children.

That my friends is a mystery. 

85 comments:

  1. Anonymous4:47 PM

    congratulations Teddy, you just made me hate bacon and machine guns. Dick

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous4:48 PM

    As my good fiend scary (Sarah) would say after they shoot themselves.
    Let Allah sort them out.
    Rafael, you are a loser, with a needle dick.Get a life!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous6:12 PM

      Has anyone investigated his citizenship? Is his mother really a US citizen?

      Delete
    2. Anonymous7:22 PM

      Good question. As a Delaware native, I'd like to see HER birth certificate. And where is she now?

      Delete
    3. Anonymous7:44 PM

      Yes, it would be interesting to see if she ever renounced her citizenship and exactly how long she was out of the country before he was born.

      Now that the US has normalized relations with Cuba, why doesn't Rafael take a permanent vacation and take his father with him.

      Hope he gets lead poisoning. I would expect this stunt from a teenager, not a candidate for President or is he really running for class clown? Thank god he isn't my senator.

      Delete
    4. Anonymous10:18 PM

      go figure. It's Texas. I am a Texas refugee.

      Delete
    5. Anonymous12:57 AM

      Sorry to ask a o/t question, but does anyone know who the woman is that was next to Todd at the 08 GOP convention for Sarah's speech? She has bleached blond hair and us wearing a green dress. Thanks in advance if anybody knows.

      Pat Kelly

      Delete
    6. Well, Pat, maybe if you put in a link to the picture, someone could help you. How is anyone supposed to just pull that out of his/her memory?

      Delete
  3. Anonymous4:54 PM

    More importantly, what possible good can come from this video? Who is he pandering to? What happened to using intelligent discussion to impress the voting public?
    If the red neck, gun loving voting block is large enough, perhaps he is selling his useless soul for their approval.
    What a fuc_king low life moronic asshole. I think I would vote Trump over this shithead!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous6:22 PM

      If you're a Republican running for office, you've got to rub some guns.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous7:48 PM

      Very funny, but sadly, true. I imagine most of the "deep bench" has rubbed a gun or two.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous11:17 PM

      This gun is for fun.... Fun to kill endangered species. Innocent people. National symbols. What happened to good old'-fashioned fun?

      Delete
    4. Anonymous7:05 AM

      With Ted Cruz, there are only two possibilities.

      Either he really is that much of a moron, or he really isn't, but is just pretending to be in order to manipulate his pathetic Teabag followers.

      I don't know which is a more depressing commentary on the current state of American government.

      Delete
  4. Egads is he creepy. Ugh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. fromthediagonal5:09 PM

      Saw this earlier, thought it was not real, but it seems that this Joe McCarthy look-a-like is as creepy as I always thought he was. He makes me nervous to the point of being nauseous when I saw this video.

      Delete
    2. fromthediagonal, I've always thought Cruz looks like Joe McCarthy, too!

      Delete
    3. Anonymous6:21 PM

      He looks like Joe McCarthy and has no sense of decency like Joe McCarthy.

      Delete
    4. Anonymous6:36 PM

      No. You know that old saying, he'd screw a rattlesnake if someone would hold its mouth open." You have just heard he story of Cruz's conception..

      Delete
  5. Anonymous5:23 PM

    My goodness how presidential!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous2:10 AM

      Yup. It's come to this. Do not adjust your television, there is nothing wrong with your reception. This is not a dream. This isn't even hell.

      This is Mrrrrrkuh.

      Great Caesar's ghost-- I wouldn't trust this derpy dumpy ferret for directions in helping me find my own ass, much less to assume the position of most powerful man on planet earth. This is like waking up to realize that all along, carnivorous monsters actually have been waiting in my walk-in closet.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous4:37 AM

      Move that tank of yours over, Michael Dukakis, Teddy is in town.
      --mathgeek

      Delete
  6. Anonymous5:34 PM

    Isn''t randomly shooting a gun illegal?

    Where do the bullets go -- up in the air, and then onto someone's head, or down their chimney, or into a sandbox?

    I cannot envision Dwight D. Eisenhower doing this trick, for a camera or when Mamie's calling him for breakfast.

    Eisenhower did many things that some people don't like, but he was a gentleman, and he should be the template for anyone aspiring to higher office.

    Ted Cruz: you lose.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7:37 PM

      Where do the bullets go -- up in the air, and then onto someone's head, or down their chimney, or into a sandbox?
      ---------
      too bad they didn't hit an armadillo !!!

      Delete
  7. Anonymous5:41 PM

    I hate that cocksucker. I truly believe he is the grown up baby from the excellant movie Rosemarys Baby. The timeline is exact. He has his fathers eyes. We're talking anti christ here.
    Pray/Preying on the ignorant assholes among us.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous5:59 PM

    Rachel just debunked Ted Cruz. That's not a machine gun.It's an automatic air rifle. Rachel showed us what a real machine gun looks and sounds like. And Ted ate his bacon in such a dainty way, with a little plastic fork.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I thought that was hilarious. Shouldn't he have to turn in his NRA card for that?

      Delete
    2. Balzafiar6:50 PM

      He wraps his lips around a sausage daintily, too.

      Delete
    3. Phyllis7:43 PM

      Rachel said AR 15 Semi-Automatic not air rifle.

      Delete
    4. Anonymous7:49 PM

      Yeah, thanks for that image.

      Delete
    5. Anonymous12:15 PM

      Another Republican that knows nothing about guns! Should we be surprised?

      Delete
  9. Anonymous6:11 PM

    I SERIOUSLY think anyone running for office needs a mental competency test. This year's batch of gop/tp clowns makes it necessary. Are there any sane, adults in the group? The Not So Supreme Court also, too, needs examining. Scalia and Thomas are certifiably nuts. We all know that if she had run as a Democratic politician, PayMe would have been completely out of luck, dismissed in short order. Something is seriously wrong with these politicians, it is getting worse, and we will all suffer for it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7:51 PM

      I was just thinking the same thing. What has happened to American politics?

      Delete
    2. Anonymous8:04 PM

      Yep, and notice $arah NEVER mentions Cruz anymore. It's all about (sigh) The Donald (sigh). She'll run anywhere she smells the aroma of money.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous8:15 PM

      Citizens United, duh.

      Delete
    4. Anonymous12:14 PM

      Sarah Palin DID mention Ted Cruz in the interview on the escalator just a day or so ago! She said she likes him!!!

      She mentioned him after she talked about Donald Trump (positive thoughts about him too, of course!).

      Delete
  10. Anonymous6:14 PM

    Compensating for a small penis doesn't get much more funny than this loser mindlessly blasting ammo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Balzafiar6:52 PM

      Only in Texas would an idiot waste at least fifty bucks in ammo just to cook a piece of bacon. Unless, of course, they also did a drive-by at the same time.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous4:38 AM

      One word: latency

      Delete
  11. Anonymous6:19 PM

    That is a hand model...hands and forearms are too young looking for a 40 something "man". But his laugh wasn't dubbed. Pure evil emits from every orifice in his body.

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    Replies
    1. Yes. The hands that wrapped the bacon were younger and did not sport a big gold ring and a watch. Not only did Ted eschew touching the raw bacon, but he couldn't even bring himself to pull off a piece to enjoy after "cooking"! I thought it was so unnatural to use a dainty plastic fork and nibble the tiniest possible piece. He seems as squeamish about the bacon as a Muslim! I would expect a real Texan to chow down with relish.

      Delete
  12. Anonymous6:24 PM

    The children look like John McCain.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Any person trying to stand out in that crazy clown car shouldn't double down on the craziness. Nobody will notice, and all that money to consultants, advisors, and pollsters will be squandered for nothing.

    Why doesn't any one of them step out of the car (easy since it isn't going anywhere), have a solid talk with his* consultant on a matter that is important to the undecided citizens in order to gather facts, and take a stand on some issue that the others are avoiding? We already know they are all gun-toting god-bothering fetus-fondlers, so those issues won't get attention.

    I would hope that the undecided have more important things to worry about. How about our shamefully crumbling infrastructure and the high rate of true unemployment? Especially among youths, who may be tempted into crime as the only way to survive city-life?

    There are extremely good books on visualizing complex data. Put on a suit and clean collar (so nervousness doesn't show), sit behind a polished "presidential" desk (borrowed from a high-end antique shop so it has centuries of authority), and place a green-screen or scrim close by (for the display of clean charts demonstrating all of the facts in a meaningful way.

    Discuss the problems on both a local and national level. And call for a solution that will address those problems. Don't say anything about shutting down the government... THAT will not get the undecided to vote or the attention of the news media who can count on all of them to shut down the government every time their feelings get hurt. Besides, it only makes matters worse.

    At the press conference, he could announce his "Make America Shine!" program, with charts to demonstrate the extent of the problems (an earthwork dam, a waterlogged levee, tornado debris, overgrown and littered walkway along a commercial district, etc.) and how an interconnected solution would efficiently and cheaply deal with them. Say that he has *already* discussed the matter with a dozen different mayors/city managers (name some cities, not the biggest) and they are enthusiastically on-board.

    Describe a couple of concrete instances. Example: in little Xxx, the mayor decided that in lieu of $100,000 for a armored humvee that would further militarize his police force, that sum would employ x youths to strengthen the dam. And in much larger Yyy, the youths would be interned with [construction company] during repairs on their bridge. In Zzz, the program would use funds from a recycling program to pay the youths restoring the hazardous waterway.

    All of the participants would get a cap and t-shirt and handshake from their mayor, a nice photo in the paper, as well as steady money and some jobs training. The candidate would get all those photo-ops inspecting progress on varied projects all over the country. Other mayors would be begging to sign on, (saying that a problem has been dealt with helps their re-election chances, too).

    The candidate could say that none of these problems are insurmountable, none of these people are hopeless, and if America works together, America works! [cue trumpets]

    Such a candidate would separate himself from the pack and look professional. After all, the job of the President is to solve problems and get people working together. And, while criss-crossing the country, voters would see him as someone who takes care of matters important to *them*.

    If I could think of such a scenario to reposition a candidate, surely one of those million-dollar consultants could think of something better than chasing each other around the clown car!

    *Fiorina is an abysmal failure as a manager, so I will not bother to be gender inclusive this time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7:02 PM

      Hauk, you have missed your calling! What you are saying is reasonable, and simple yet brilliant. They won't get it for that reason. But I'm not joking. You made a compelling argument for how any campaign should be run. Democrats, and Bernie Sanders, please pay attention to his post!

      Cronus

      Delete
    2. Anonymous7:56 PM

      Or, grab a gun, a cell phone, a DS baby and pander to Murkia. Much easier!

      Delete
    3. But the armored hum eye is left over Pentagon swag, no one is going to give a mayor money in place of it. And if money was handed out the mayors would decide to do an infrastructure feasibility study first, which would employ their cronies , and the money would be spent.

      Republican voters aren't looking for solutions, they're looking for theater. Since GWB stood on that aircraft carrier in his phony flight suit with the crotch stuffed, all these voters have wanted is entertainment. Back when Reagan told stories of how he liberated death camps during WW2 when he never left Hollywood, the republicans decided on fiction over facts, entertainment over education, and fantasy over reality.

      Delete
    4. That was supposed to read humvee

      Delete
  14. Annie Oakley6:31 PM

    Why doesn't he roll it around the tailpipe of his hot rod, take off down their gated-community highway, and tell Mrs. Cruz he'll be back with the bacon once she's scrambled his eggs?

    What kind of fool is he? Did he learn this in a special Canadian survival course? Do the Koch brothers ask him over to their Fifth Avenue apartments for breakfast, just so he can shoot off his gun, and make bacon, over Central Park?

    This, alone, should disqualify him from any higher office, including Senator from Texas. Our future should not be in the hands of a gun nut who brags that he uses his assault weapons for cooking.

    The only thing I ever learned was to wrap the bacon around a stick and put it over the embers when we were out camping with my grandfather. It worked like a dream, and no expensive weapons were needed to make breakfast.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous6:50 PM

      Heidi can't scramble his eggs as Ted no tengo huevos!

      Delete
    2. Anonymous8:02 PM

      If Teddy had stuck the barrel in his mouth and sucked it down to bacon fat, he could have more votes. Try it, Ted...

      Delete
  15. Anonymous6:33 PM

    Not a machine gun.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anita Winecooler6:45 PM

    Ted Cruz knows his stuff!!! Did you catch him pan down to the "money shot" with a smug grin? Yes, THIS is what they're reduced to just to out trump trump at getting their mugs on the news. ANY attention is good attention. Killing a phone, a brain surgeon playing "operation", a guy with a punctuation mark as a last name...

    I doubt this stunt helped bump up his poll numbers, but it may have given little cruz a woodie.

    Next up, Carly Fiorina does the "Tassel Twirl in opposite directions" maneuver made popular in Burlesque shows. Any good tight rope Walkers? hint hint hint

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Anonymous2:45 AM

      Yeah, give Walker a rope, maybe he would hang himself!! Cruz is a certified IDIOT. Add Perry, Santorum, Graham, T-Rump, oh HELL, the entire group. Imagine any one of them representing this country overseas? W did enough damage, they seem to be trying to finish us off. Who votes for these MORONS?

      Delete
    2. Anonymous8:13 AM

      Carly... She has the "whip" dontcha know? Sarah she is just old hag, i mean hat...

      Delete
  17. Anonymous6:54 PM

    The idiot called the gun he is using a machine gun. It isn't one - it's a bullet per shot which was shown on MSNBC tonight! Not a repeater!!! Completely different sound!

    He obviously knows nothing about guns! What is wrong with these extreme right Republicans?

    Reminds me of Palin - in that she didn't know how to hold her gun and assuredly didn't know how to aim it and connect the bullet to the object/animal! Factual and on video!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4:57 AM

      When your base consists of a group of bigoted and pissed-off morons, it matters not! Guns are a stand-in for you-know-what and they must get totally turned on! Just sayin'.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous12:08 PM

      4:57 AM Are the guns a stand in for their little heads? Is that what you mean?

      What would it stand for with Sarah Palin? The fact she has a loose vajaja after having so many kids?! Is it suppose to tighten her muscles down there every time she shoots a gun?

      Delete
  18. Anonymous6:58 PM

    Whew!!!!! wow. how much did the nra pay the clowns this time?

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anonymous7:21 PM

    Funny they didn't seem to mind when Fox didn't follow the rules of journalism and spread lies about President Obama, now they don't like the rules and are whining
    -----------------.

    O/T Fox News In Hot Water As Candidate Files Federal Complaint Over Republican Debate Rules

    The Fox News debate is becoming the circus that many thought it would be after Republican presidential candidate Mark Everson filed a complaint with the FEC asking that the network’s rules for participation in the “pre-show” debate be declared illegal............

    Everson believes that Fox News is violating election law, and while the network shouldn’t be overly worried about his FEC complaint, the door has been opened for even bigger issues to come. The problem is that Fox is making up the rules as they go along. No one knows what five polls they are going to be using to determine candidate inclusion. What happens if one of the candidates loses out on the final spot in the main debate? John Kasich, Chris Christie, and Rick Perry are separated by less than a point for ninth, tenth, and eleventh place. One of these three is going to miss the debate.

    Does the candidate who gets left out sue Fox News for inclusion? What about the dozens of other candidates who are being left out of the “pre-show” debate? Since Fox has dropped the 1% threshold, theoretically any of the other declared candidates could view themselves as eligible.

    Fox News has made such a mess of this debate that it shouldn’t surprise anyone if they end up in court. Everson’s federal complaint is just the tip of the iceberg. Fox News could be in some very hot water between now and Thursday.

    http://www.politicususa.com/2015/08/03/fox-news-hot-water-candidate-files-federal-complaint-republican-debate-rules.html

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous2:47 AM

      Everson? Has anyone heard of him? Maybe he is the ONLY sane one in the group? Must be something normal about him, since he is not in the news.

      Delete
  20. Anonymous7:50 PM

    Guns clearly make Cruz feel pretty. Pretty and witty and...never mind.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. angela8:16 PM

      and most definitely not wise. . . . .

      Delete
    2. and mostly, "....never mind."

      Delete
  21. Anonymous8:00 PM

    Typical GOPer logic. Blow 50 bucks on ammo to half-assed cook a piece of bacon. FAIL.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Anonymous8:15 PM

    Isn't it illegal to beat your meat in public?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous8:28 PM

      Lol! Apparently it isn't if you are a GOP member. In fact, it's a mandatory requirement of membership. As someone said a few days ago, only a public measurement of their weenies will suffice.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous12:04 PM

      I'll bet he has a wee one between his legs and I'm guessing he is not circumcised!

      Delete
  23. Anonymous8:26 PM

    RockyinTexasSaid...

    I think Cruz's daddy provided the baby batter for ted's kids and that is not the way we cook bacon here n Texas.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Anonymous8:36 PM

    It is just so unbelievable that the commercial will actually motivate people to vote for this effeminant ammosexual.

    This country is so messed up when machine gunning your f'in bacon is an impressive presidential qualification.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous10:17 PM

      Mu sentiments exactly. The GOP candidates are falling all over themselves to show just how anti-PP, pro-gun. pro war they are. Pro-life? Ha.

      Delete
  25. Mercedes Parker10:33 PM

    I have a hunch that as the campaign progresses there will be some Earth shattering dirt that emerges regarding Cruz and Walker, probably Perry also.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous12:02 PM

      Perry is too stupid to have covered his tracks well. I'm sure there will be crud brought up about all of them before this is all over.

      They ALL are so creepy and clownish!

      Delete
  26. Anonymous1:44 AM

    Doesn't even wrap his own bacon. Those hands are the range guy's (no wedding ring, no black wrist band Rafael is wearing). This is right up there with Chuck Sr. operating the bolt on Sarah's rifle. He probably asked the range guy, "Does it kick?" What a buffoon.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Anonymous2:58 AM

    Well, if THAT does not say "Presidential material" what does? I hope the Koch brothers are impressed. Maybe they will give their money to Ted instead of Scotty. This country is SO screwed. Unless We The People get out and vote, THIS clown or one just like him will be the next President. Where is his birth certificate. I want to see it in long form. Was he born in a mental institution, because he looks and acts insane.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous12:01 PM

      Ted Cruz is just a greasy and slimy as is the bacon! The guy always makes me want to barf.

      Canada - please take the asshole back to your country!!!

      Delete
  28. Anonymous3:05 AM

    Only takes 2 sperm to father 2 kids. I'd bet a weeks pay that he's never satisfied his wife. I'd bet a 2nd weeks pay that she well practiced fakin it.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Nobody's laughing harder than Trump. Whether already disposed to or not, he's positioned all of them to match his crazy if they want any share of the ink. Front and center, the self-immolation of a major American political party. I wonder how summer action films are doing in the competition of all this free entertainment.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Anonymous4:54 AM

    How come he didn't show us the target and how talented he is as a gunman? For a man who is supposed to be "brilliant", he sure presents as a fool.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Brilliant? First time I have ever heard that in connection with his name.

      Delete
  31. Anonymous5:52 AM

    I have one word to describe America's favorite Canadian who will never be president of America (or Canada, also too): whataninsufferabledouchenozzle.

    ReplyDelete
  32. That was sooooooooooo creepy. I have to go shower now and get the "ewwwwwww!!!!" off.

    ReplyDelete
  33. As a brainless, shallow, moronic twit, nothing persuades me like superficial images of Brylcreem's poster boy with a gun. Doubts I might have had about his authenticity have disappeared. I am now certain he is a man's man. Images are so much more powerful than actual content. Frankly, my heart flutters, I am panting, and I feel a warm trickle down my leg. I now know all I need to know to make an image influenced decision.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Anonymous9:47 AM

    I get such a Gay vibe off of this clown.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Anonymous10:10 AM

    Was it Canadian bacon?

    ReplyDelete
  36. Anonymous2:21 PM

    Not a particularly hygienic way to cook bacon. And wouldn't there be bullet residue all over the bacon? And the gun shot noises in the background were not at all in sync with the gun shots Cruz apparently fired. Beyond stupid. Perfect for the 21st century GOP.
    Beaglemom

    ReplyDelete

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