A Christian website that gives advice to couples about how to live by the Bible’s “gender roles” recently advised men that they should not look at their wives’ faces during sex if she engaged in intercourse “begrudgingly.”
In a column on the BiblicalGenderRoles.com website last week, a writer going by the name Larry Solomon argued that men “should not tolerate refusal.”
According to the Christian columnist, women who did not like having sex with their husbands should “fake it until she makes it.”
But Solomon noted that coercing wives into sex did not always result in an enjoyable experience for the husband.
“You also need to realize that whether your wife knows it or not she needs to have sex too,” he opined. “If you don’t have sex with your wife at regular intervals, even sometimes when she is not in the mood but consents anyway, you will open yourself to temptation.”
“Focus your eyes on her body, not her face. Focus on the visual pleasure you receive from looking at her body and physical pleasure you receive from being inside your wife,” Solomon recommended. “You want to connect with her physically AND emotionally during sex. But your wife is the one refusing to connect with you emotionally, so you have to concentrate 100% on the physical side.”
Yes of course it is the woman's fault if their husband cheats on them. God forbid that men be responsible for their own actions when it comes to sex.
Okay true confession time.
I was once in a relationship with a woman who was raised in a strict religious home, whose first husband, also a Christian, routinely had sex with her whether she was in the mood or not.
She did not actually consider it rape or sexual abuse at the time but it definitely screwed up her feelings about sex.
I am not going to go into much detail here because that is ungentlemanly, but it is safe to say that when she realized that she was allowed to feel pleasure it changed virtually everything. As did learning that she was allowed to say no, and to pursue sex when she wanted it and not just when her man told her "to give it up."
I don't know about other men but I am completely uninterested in having sex with a woman who is not interested in having sex with me.
The entire idea of forcing myself on anyone is completely foreign to me, as it should be to ALL men. And women too for that matter.
Youve already said plenty about your exwife. Save us any more details.
ReplyDeleteI, for one, believe that in this case, what Gryphen said is quite pertinent to the posting and actually is something that all people should take into account. This crap about women not having any choice if her husband demands it should be screamed from the highest tower as plain and outright bullshit.
DeleteWhat if there is a medical problem she is experiencing? What if she is exhausted from taking care of the pig's so-called "castle"? To me, it would serve the man right if he forced his wife to have sex when she was sick and she barfed all over him.
Personal or not, what he said here is quite accurate, and I think it was very brave of him to admit to some personal things.
And if you take into consideration the fact that the woman of whom he spoke here was NOT his ex-wife, it makes your statement even less palatable.
Why are you here reading if you don't like the blog? Are things really that slow for you Sarah? Go knit Bristol some bastard booties or something.
DeleteI'm confused. This is Gryphen's blog. What gives you the imperial right of command?
DeleteHe can post whatever he wants, whenever he wants.
Gryphen, thank you for sharing your attitudes and actions.
ReplyDeleteAnd there you have it. The fundies can't stand the thought of a woman having any say about her physical body or her mind. Break her spirit and you'll have complete control. Will someone please explain how these christian fundamentalists are any different from their Islamic counterparts?
ReplyDeleteThe only way I can see is that the Christians don't wrap up women in burkas. They are supposed to 'enjoy' looking at women's bodies, whether the woman 'enjoys' them or not. If there were really a "War on Women," we'd all be prisoners in our homes as well as our bedrooms. Yes, makes me want to throw up too!
DeleteSick bastards!
ReplyDeleteJust threw up in my mouth! Men who buy into this crap should be "fixed" (take the word as you will.) And the unfortunate women who are their sex slaves should pack up their children and run!!!
ReplyDeleteMichelle Duggar take note!
DeleteMIchelle instilled this in her own children at a young age by turning a blind eye to an older brother forcing himself on his little sisters.
DeleteWell, her husband no doubt forced himself on her, considering how fast she got pregnant every time. It's how these women are raised. It's why the men are so terrified of letting the females out of their reach. They might figure out that their little world is not the as it has to be. Michelle Duggar never figured it out, nor has any of the daughters. Yet,
DeleteIs this the sanctity part of Christian marriage?
ReplyDeleteNot really...
DeleteIt's more like the mating ritual of the American Taliban...
Are any of the "men" who give this advice to women married?
ReplyDeleteIs this the way they treat their wives? Do the wives stand for it?
If so, the sickness that infects these people -- men and women -- is WAY to deep to understand.
I read the article yesterday and it looked to me as though he is advocating rape:
ReplyDelete"Those who reject the Biblical concept that sex is both a gift and a duty in marriage solve this problem by saying “They should only have sex when they BOTH desire to have sex”. But that is not God’s answer. The only time sex should not occur is when both the husband and wife give mutual consent not to for a short period of time."
That sounds like rape to me.
But it's BIBLICAL rape, so don't worry.
bUT IT'S BIBLICAL RAPE, SO IT'S ALL GOOD.
I saw this as well yesterday and my first impression was rape as well...this is just horrendous.
DeleteTotally agree.
DeleteThis i not the first time I read something like this. It comes up once or twice each year.
The Christian Taliban have spoken. Again. Women are there to serve their masters, no more, no less.
.
.
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7:07-- I grew up, and then went to college, in such an atmosphere. I can tell you firsthand that yes, a lot of these men are married and yes, their wives not only put up with it, but in many cases believe they are lucky.
DeleteIndoctrination from a very early age, lack of any really worthwhile education (or even much, if any, contact with those who don't hold the values of the group), and the feeling in adulthood that one is "specially chosen", and therefore that one must pay a special price in terms of lifestyle, to maintain this "chosen-ness"---
all that, plus, as a woman, the underlying fear that you are not truly desirable enough ever to attract anyone except someone from the same crowd. Something is better than nothing.
Oh, my dear universe, I am beyond OVERJOYED to be finally out of that whole horrible worldview!!
I agree with Gryphen 100%. If both parties are not willing, put it off until later. There's nothing worse than a disinterested partner; one might as well have a blow-up doll.
ReplyDeleteExcept that with a blow-up doll the man loses the additional pleasure of impressing upon her how sinful she is for not wanting him.
DeleteHere's a secret I am thrilled to have uncovered: Christian women have zero hangups about their sexuality. All the ones I've slept with have been great in bed. Every. Single. One. It helps that they know I will keep my mouth shut. They also know I don't go to church, and they don't have to worry about "pretending."
ReplyDeleteYou have not been with many women who were raised in the fundie or evangel side of christianity, have you? A great number of those women are raised with the idea they MUST submit and a lot of them are taught that "good girls" don't have orgasms! They are raised with the concept of the man being the boss and therefore, the woman has no choice.
DeleteBesides, your statement is basically wrong. A large number of people - male and female - have hangups about sex. You've just been "lucky" I guess. Maybe the ones you have spent time with were great in bed, but I would be willing to bet you haven't slept with even a significant number of the woman in existence.
"You have not been with many women who were raised in the fundie or evangel side of christianity, have you?"
DeleteYes, I have. They are the most passionate.
"I would be willing to bet you haven't slept with even a significant number of the woman in existence."
You would win that bet. Easily.
@9:03
Delete"Yes, I have. They are the most passionate."
I call bull shit.
You need to go up to Kathy Anders' comment and then read down to the reply written by 8:47. Hers is the true honesty here.
And if you have been with that many women - whether or not they were passionate - YOU are part of the problem!
A man who forces himself sexually on another person is trying to kill that person's sense of self-worth because he has none of his own. Criminal? Certainly. Psychologically maladjusted? Probably. But whoever was responsible for simply building any healthy male pride in that man, really fucked up the job. Bestowing a religious imprimatur on such behavior is beyond repugnant.
ReplyDeleteIf a man forces himself on anyone sexually he is raping them, whether it is reported or not it is rape.
DeleteUm, what about the Golden Rule? "Do unto others..." Would these men like it if their wives refused to look at them?
ReplyDeleteAnd for the record, I, like you Gryphen, find a lack of interest on the woman's part to be a major "turn off". If she's not into it, how good is it really going to be? In that situation I can take care of my self just fine, *wink*
OT I think the sheriff handled the case of the student well clearly holding both the student and officer accountable for their actions.
ReplyDeleteSeems to me it's just domination over females that these pseudo-Xtians strive for. They tell them how to dress, who they can associate with, how many children they must birth, always be available to act as a vessel for their sperm and to satisfy their "urges". And they state that it's "God's will". So it's no wonder that the Dominionist movement has gained ground. It's not enough to have dominion over one's wife, let's spread it out to the community, the country, the world. Sick, sick, sick.
ReplyDeleteIt is! It's all about power...that. is. it! I taught with an evangelical woman who was married to our towns mayor. She actually bragged about him choosing her clothing and never spoke in his presence without permission. I was horrified that this could happen in this day and age in the US. In my opinion it's a big part of why a man like "THE DONALD" is a front runner in the republican race for president. He may not be an evangelical but he knows how to use them because he's about complete power and control.
DeleteChristian marriage adviser: Use ‘fear and dread’ to control your wife — as God intended
ReplyDeleteResponding to comments from a men’s rights activist on a posting about finding enjoyment in sex with a wife who grudgingly agrees, the host of a website providing tips on proper Biblical “gender roles” agreed that keeping a woman in a constant state of fear is an appropriate way to control her actions.
Pointing to a column he wrote on “Female dread,” Rollo Tomassi explained that Christian men go about seeking sex with women all wrong by trying to “diffuse sexual anxiety and tension.” Instead, Tomassi said husbands should make their wives “unintentionally uncomfortable” in order to achieve “the rough, hard-core, make-up sex you never thought you’d have.”
Larry Solomon of Biblical Gender Roles agreed enthusiastically — albeit from a biblical perspective — writing: “So should a wife Biblically speaking have a little healthy fear or dread of her husband? Absolutely!”
http://www.rawstory.com/2015/10/christian-marriage-adviser-use-fear-and-dread-to-control-your-wife-as-god-intended/
This attitude sickens me. The thought of living a life in fear and dread from someone who is supposed to love you is reprehensible. If that's what marriage is, I want no part of it. I divorced many years ago and have been just fine. Being alone is much more preferable to living with someone you're afraid of. I feel sorry for anyone who thinks it's ok.
DeleteOT-You go girl.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/julianne-moore/the-creative-community-ta_b_8409060.html
IDK, sometimes "christian logic" pisses me off. You're engaging in the most intimate expression of love two people can engage in, yet all the woman's role is to bend to his needs, like three dimensional porn. Sorry, if that's living biblically, you're not doing it right. Why any woman puts up with that bullshit is just beyond me.
ReplyDelete3:53, go up a few comments to that posted by Katy Anders. She writes an excellent description of why it happens.
Delete