Here we go:
1. When she was first lady, she murdered White House lawyer Vince Foster and then dumped his body in a park.
2. She drove Vince Foster to commit suicide through her temper tantrums.
3. She was having an affair with Vince Foster.
4. She’s a lesbian.
5. Chelsea isn’t Bill Clinton’s child.
6. She murdered Vince Foster to cover up that she once bought a tract of undeveloped land in Arkansas and lost money.
7. She murdered Vince Foster to cover up her role in firing the White House travel department.
8. After she murdered Vince Foster, she ransacked his office in the middle of the night and stole all the documents proving her guilt.
9. When Bill was governor of Arkansas, she was a partner in the state’s top law firm, and it sometimes did work involving the state government.
10. She once invested in commodities futures on the advice of a friend and made $100,000, proving she’s a crook.
11. She once invested in real estate on the advice of another friend and lost $100,000, also proving she’s a crook.
12. Unnamed and unverifiable sources have told Peggy Noonan things about the Clintons that are simply too terrible to repeat.
13. The personnel murdered at Benghazi make her the first secretary of state to lose overseas personnel to terrorism — apart from Condi Rice, Colin Powell, Madeleine Albright, George Schultz, Dean Rusk and some others.
14. Four State Department staff were murdered at Benghazi, compared with only 119 others murdered overseas under every secretary of state combined since World War II.
15. She illegally sent classified emails from her personal server, except that apparently they weren’t classified at the time.
16. She may have cynically wriggled around the email law by “technically” complying with it.
17. She once signed a lucrative book contract when she was a private citizen.
18. Donald Trump says she “should be in jail,” and he’s a serial bankrupt casino developer in Atlantic City, so he should know.
19. Former House Majority Leader Tom Delay says his “law-enforcement sources” tell him she is “about to be indicted” — and if a man once convicted of money laundering and conspiracy doesn’t have good law-enforcement sources, who does?
20. She’s a hard-left radical who wants to break up the nuclear family.
21. She’s a conservative “mousewife” who refused to break up her own family.
22. She’s in favor of single moms.
23. She refused to be a single mom.
24. When she was first lady of Arkansas, she pandered to conservative voters by dyeing her hair.
25. Before that, she totally insulted them by refusing to.
26. She’s a frump.
27. She spends too much money on designer dresses.
28. She has “cankles.”
29. She has a grating voice.
30. She yells into the microphone.
31. She spent 18 years in Arkansas and some of the people she knew turned out to be crazy rednecks and crooks.
32. She’s in the pay of the mafia.
33. She’s in the pay of the Chinese government.
34. She’s in the pay of the Wall Street banks.
35. In order to suppress the billing records from her time at the Rose Law Firm in Little Rock, she cleverly packed them up and took them to the White House rather than shredding them.
36. When she handed over the documents to public officials, they couldn’t find any evidence she’d committed any crimes, so she must have doctored them.
37. Congress spent tens of millions of dollars and six years investigating her investment in the “Whitewater” real estate project, and while they didn’t actually find anything, they wouldn’t have spent all that money if there weren’t something there.
38. By cleverly hiding all evidence of her crimes in the “Whitewater” affair, she caused Congress to waste all that taxpayers’ money.
39. When she ran for senator of New York, she was still a fan of the Chicago Cubs.
40. She once said the Clintons were thinking of adopting a child, and they didn’t follow through.
41. She was photographed holding her hand near her mouth during the raid that killed Osama bin Laden.
42. She’s got brain damage.
43. She’s old.
44. She’s really ambitious and calculating, unlike all the other people running for president.
45. She secretly supported Palestinian terrorists, Puerto Rican terrorists and Guatemalan terrorists.
46. She secretly supported a group that wants to give Maine back to the Indians.
47. She’s a secret follower of “radical prophet” Saul Alinsky.
48. She did her law degree at Yale, and it’s a well-known “socialist finishing school.”
49. When she was young, she did things to build up her resume rather than just for their own good.
50. When Bill was president, she “allowed” him to keep people waiting.
51. She’s married to a sex addict.
52. She’s an enemy of traditional marriage.
53. She didn’t divorce her husband.
54. His philandering is her fault because she is too strong, and too weak, and too frumpy, and too fat, and too cold.
55. She’s hostile to women who fool around with her husband.
56. A divorced taxi driver in Florida told me that if Hillary is elected president, “women will take over everything.”
57. She insulted Tammy Wynette.
58. When they left the White House, she and Bill bought a big house in New York that they couldn’t afford.
59. She sometimes calls her staff during dinner, even when they’re out at a restaurant.
60. She claimed there was a “vast right-wing conspiracy” against her husband, and turned out there was nothing but a bunch of tycoons financing private investigators, and some fake think-tanks and books and news sites and stuff.
61. When she got married, she didn’t “stay at home and bake cookies.”
62. She supported the Iraq War because she’s a secret foreign-policy conservative.
63. She’s a secret foreign-policy radical with a plan to impose worldwide “radical social experimentation” through the World Bank.
64. She is secretly plotting to let children sue their parents for making them take out the garbage.
65. She looked bored during the Benghazi hearings.
66. Oh, yeah — and she totally has a vagina.
You would think that would cover it, but I bet money that this is only the tip of the iceberg.
Cankles? On this I agree.
ReplyDeleteI can't confirm #66, though.
idiot
Delete67. One time on the road overseas she wore a scrunchie to tie her hair back. She was just copying Sarah Palin, who never did that.
ReplyDelete68. She doesn't travel with a hairdresser who has been to hair school.
ReplyDelete69. She has too much hair of her own to need wigs and wiglets.
69.correction: "She Likes it!" ;-P
DeleteI'm looking forward to a bunch of Bernie Sanders fans unironically using these to tell us why anyone even considering voting for Clinton is a bad Democrat and a bad person.
ReplyDeleteThis shit went around in the 2008 primaries, too.
Delete70. She is post-menopausal. No woman who truly loved this country would ever be post-menopausal.
ReplyDeleteSo we females are all supposed to kill ourselves when menopause starts? I suppose the Trumps of the world would love to only have women under 50 to deal with.
DeleteYou do know that these are tongue in cheek right? I mean, the RW won't get the joke, but they find grown men taking over federal buildings, equipment and desecrating public land hysterically funny, so we know they have about six working brain cells now.
ReplyDeleteI read the actual article and it clearly is written as satire.
DeleteReasons I would rather not vote for HRC:
ReplyDelete1. Henry Kissinger is one of her favorite mentors.
2. She has consistently supported the War on Drugs which is a war on the American people.
3. Her surrogates trash talk young women who won't vote for Mrs. Clinton.
4. She is a warmonger.
5. She supports our criminally out of control law enforcement community.
6. She embraces Zionism (even more so than Bernie Sanderswitsky).
7. She is completely in the bag for Wall Street, her solutions simply favor some Wall Streeters over others.
8. She lies. Words pass through her lips without any regard for truth. She, like Karl Rove, believes that you should win by any means necessary.
9. She is not supportive of other women unless they support her.
10. She is cruelly indifferent to the poor unless babies are involved.
11. She thinks rural areas should have lower minimum wage even though the only thing that's cheaper in the country is rent. (Groceries, utilities all cost more in rural US)
12. She routinely trusts the people who have created the giant mess we're in.
13. She's married to Bill @#$! Clinton, a moderate conservative who sold out the left, cheated on her with an intern, and who only looks good when compare to #$@! Republicans!
14. Openly corrupt. Bill makes a speech, cashes a check, two weeks later Secy. Clinton shows up to make some despotic shithole look acceptable (NYT & WaPost documented).
15. Daughter got paid huge six-figure salary to CONSULT with NBC. (quid pro quo corruption)
16. Still friends with Rahm Emanuel, one of the most loathsome members of Bill's administration.
17. Her husband hangs out with Bushs and enjoys their company.
18. Refuses to say Social Security is off-limits.
19. Will not raise taxes on the rich who have stolen all our money.
20. I don't have oppo staff to do these lists for me and then put them in play, but there are 100s more reasons not to dilute your vote by casting it for a key member of the DC establishment that has looted the world and turned a blind eye to global warming.
How can you support Bernie Sanders if he's a Zionist?
DeleteAre you saying that Bernie Sanders doesn't support the law enforcement community?
DeleteNo candidate is perfect, but I like to vote for people I at least occasionally agree with. Neoliberalism is not the fix for neoconservatism.
DeleteIt is not zero sum. Sanders and Clinton overlap (on too much, imho). You just have to see who you agree with more.
I'm a Democrat who worked for Democrats until they started liking Wall Street more than me.
Vote for Bernie and get your pension back from the people who paid HRC $220,000 a speech.
I'm assuming if Clinton gets the nom, you won't be voting for her.
DeleteYour list is so full of biased tone, it's hard to separate fact from your own editorializing.
DeleteFor example,
10. She is cruelly indifferent to the poor unless babies are involved.
Yes, Clinton has been outspoken about and involved in numerous efforts to alleviate poverty and hunger in the US and across the globe.
Of course, then you can just throw out,
8. She lies.
And, problem solved! In fact, you really should have put the lying things first, just to stop anyone from bringing you evidence that conflicts with anything on your list.
How many Women and Children and Men has Sarah (toad) Murdered and Trafficked in that same time? 6-6-6 & still counting for sure....
ReplyDeleteI think this list is actually satirical.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, I've seen comments on Facebook and elsewhere, by people who will swear on their mother's life that they EYEWITNESSED all of these transgressions, while perched piggyback on the shoulders of Brian Williams.
Delete(And they're not even trying to be funny!)
71. Didn't Bill and Hilz remove all the "w" keys from all the keyboards and typewriters before turning over the White House?
ReplyDeleteOf course it is!
ReplyDeleteFunny stuff, can't wait for the Bernie version!
ReplyDeleteI CALL BULLSHIT!!! This list is FAKE!!! Note that Benghazi is mentioned only once. If this list were REALLY compiled by so-called "conservative" sources, Benghazi - our nation's WORST politicsl scandal since Benghazi - would have been mentioned many, many, many more times.
ReplyDelete