Monday, October 24, 2016

New conspiracy theory suggests that Russia is planning to invade Alaska, by way of Wasilla. Wait, what?

Courtesy of the Inquisitr: 

At least one harbinger of doom is now saying that when the Russians invade the United States, they will start World War 3 by breaching American sovereignty via Alaska, according to a former military official. In what reads like a World War 3 conspiracy theory, this scenario suggests that President Barack Obama has left the United States’ northernmost state militarily defenseless against an imminent Russian exploitative attack. 

The Daily Star reported this week that a high-ranking former U.S. Navy official has claimed to have evidence that a Russian invasion of the United States is imminent and will begin in, of all places, the small village of Wasilla, Alaska. (For those who may have forgotten, Wasilla is the home of former Alaska governor, former Republican vice presidential nominee, and former Fox News contributor Sarah Palin.) Russian submarines will apparently secure the Alaskan coastline, exploiting the fact, according to the former Navy officer, that the area is virtually unprotected from hostile and aggressive invaders. 

According to the official, who offered the information on condition of anonymity, Wasilla will become the jump-off for a more protracted invasion of North America. “Our feeling in the Navy was that Obama had turned Alaska into a defenseless area that will serve as a forward base of operations when World War III begins,” he said. 

“We are the verge of being invaded from Alaska all the way down into Canada and eventually the Northwest.” 

The same unnamed source told the Daily Star that there were Russians disguised as “highway road crews” working in Alaska already, preparing the way for a full-scale invasion force. The crews were in place to “disrupt communications and seize vital bridges” when war eventually arrives. 

Okay that whole "disguised as highway road crews" is a dead giveaway that this whole thing is BS.

I mean do you have any idea how hard it is to get a job on a road crew here in Alaska?

As for coming through Wasilla, that "small village" as they call it is in the MIDDLE of the fucking state, so I am not at all sure how that would help them to "secure the Alaskan coastline."

Besides that invading Alaska is probably the LAST place the Russians would want to establish a beachhead for an invasion of the rest of America.

Trust me I have lived here my entire life, we are not exactly known for being easily subjugated.

And if they were actually going to start in Wasilla they might like to know that Alaska is not only bulging with weapons but that it a safe bet that about 75% of them are in the Mat-Su Valley where Wasilla is located, and that Wasilla is where we keep all of the anti-social nutjobs.

Personally, since I live in Anchorage, I think it is a GREAT idea for Russia to invade Wasilla,

I look forward to the next Fur Rendezvous where I imagine the Russian scalps and skins will be displayed alongside the traditional wolverine and fox pelts.

Besides if Russians were actually working on some long range plan to invade Alaska via Wasilla they would have to have a highly placed operative within the government helping them.

You know perhaps a former local politician who had connections to fringe political groups that were working to undermine one or both political parties.

Someone who constantly suggests that the country was on the wrong path and supports a candidate for national office who was causing incredible friction and angry clashes between its citizens, and who themselves had ties to Russian government officials.

Someone who might even have a child with a close friend of Russian descent.

Yeah but I can't think of anyone like that.


  1. Anonymous4:27 AM

    Wasilla is too far gone, let em Russians have it. The town let an uneducated drunken baby making factory take over which resulted in what people said turned into a international prostitution ring.

    1. Anonymous11:26 AM

      I'm sure our sarah is on the watch, you know when putin raises his head where does he go? Alassska!
      She will stop him...right? amiright?
      This is the stupidest (second stupidest) thing I've read today... wow!

  2. Anonymous4:29 AM

    Speaking on behalf of the lower 48, WE WILL BUILD A WALL between the lower 48 and Alaska and make ALASKA PAY FOR IT!.

    1. Anonymous7:15 AM

      Pay for it with the subsidies AK gets from the federal govt.

  3. Anonymous4:32 AM

    Wasilla is an embarrassment to decent folks in Alaska. How about we nuke Wasilla and call it a day?

  4. Anonymous4:54 AM

    We are sorry for what almost happened and now admit it that it was our fault that we let a con artist with her fake titties, fake hair, preaching Christianity but hasn't seen the inside of a church since the days a witch doctor and his congregation laid hands on her almost contaminate your democracy. If we promise to be good can we stay part of the United States of America but on probation until the Palins all past away?

    1. Anonymous11:56 AM

      Absolutely! Speaking as someone who lived in a state that elected Ah-nold as guv. Shit happens, we get it. I just pray the more sane Alaskans will rally round keep a better eye on the charlatans in their midst.

  5. Anonymous4:59 AM

    So, "when Putin rears his head," he IS headed for Alaska?! Once again, she's right about everythang! /sarc

  6. Anonymous5:02 AM

    What happened in July causing Marina to disappear?

    1. Anonymous5:25 AM

      Vladimir Putin ordered all of its Russian spies and any relatives living abroad to return immediately home to Mother Russia amid heightened tensions over the prospect of global war. Marina turned in her American passport and that was the last time we seen her.

    2. Anonymous5:51 AM

      Against my better judgment, I Googled "marina lupas exotic russian.:

      "This site has expired."

      Old YouTube video:

      Old Twitter stuff -- last post July 2015:

    3. Anonymous7:05 AM

      Her tour of duty as location scout for the invasion was completed.

    4. Anonymous3:09 PM


      the internet archive!

  7. Anonymous5:15 AM

    Fuc_k! Gryph why did you have to post a picture of that fuc_ing ugly ass Russian cow and her sexual promiscuous friend? That wasn't nice of you. Go to your room without supper and write a thousand word apology that you won't do it again.

    1. Anonymous12:20 PM

      so what she says no to being your wife and having your babies and cleaning your house?
      little butt hurt I see...

  8. Anonymous5:22 AM

    Judging by 538, Alaska could be blue one day. I certainly hope so. I am pulling for a blue Alaska. :)
    Check out 538.

    1. Anonymous11:59 AM

      It would be to their favor if they value the income that tourism brings now that the quest for oil is on the wane. So many folks down here in the lower 48 have put Alaskan vacation plans on hold while the creeps run the show.

  9. Anonymous5:30 AM

    Gryphen, are the rumors true that some people are saying she'll appointed Mayorsky of Wasilla after the invasion? Apparently anonymous sources deep inside the US government say the plans are to let the Russians have the town. "Meth capital of Alaska? Good riddance!" those anonymous sources are said by some to have said.

    Doesn't sound like it'll missed by many and she'll be happier as a figurehead do-nothing small town puppet-mayor for a godless authoritarian regime. Win-win for all.


    1. Anonymous12:21 PM

      sounds like someone is smoking too much of something to me

  10. Anonymous5:31 AM

    Where's Marina you asked? Marina's Russian exotic livestock calendar was produced and she was ordered out of America and not even her anchor son was able to keep her here.

  11. Anonymous5:42 AM

    So an unnamed former US Navy guy is ticked about what? He probably signed onto some submarine builder's scheme and they're mad because Obama won't build a hundred new overpriced subs we don't need. They haven't noticed, but nations do not have armadas any longer. Wars are not fought in the oceans. And I doubt some retired Navy person would be kept in the loop about where our ships are anyway. Sounds like someone who hates Obama, loves little Sarah, and wants a few minutes of notoriety. Someone should and him a map.

    1. Anonymous7:01 AM

      Sounds like someone who hates Obama, loves little Sarah, and wants a few minutes of notoriety.

      Sounds exactly like stlouisix at the pee pond. Former navy guy who hates the President with a white hot mentally insane passion. He's quite the op-ed writer according to himself, too heh heh

    2. Anonymous7:26 AM

      7:01 AM - Sure does!

    3. Anonymous8:31 AM

      You mean the guy with the gay son?

  12. Anonymous5:43 AM

    ENUF IS ENUF, GRYPH!! You owe me a new computer monitor . . . I spewed Community Dark Roast coffee all over my monitor while reading this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  13. Anonymous6:01 AM

    Hmmm? Yep. Russian Americans are already here Sitka Anyone?. Yep they too have helped shape our beautiful America. And even in good old California that Russian River and old fort ross.

    I think the red scare might be related to the global pirate party aka republica.....that would be real and reality....not conspiracy as some might push. Is palin and heath part of that party? don't know but....brexit...Iceland...trumpuss...nkorea...flipe, pooty, and etc. are insane dicktators.

    1. Anonymous11:05 AM

      We have so many Russian Orthodox already here in Wasilla that our elementary schools have Russian translations on all of the bathrooms and classrooms.

      They've been pouring in for years, in plain sight of everyone. Guess we'd better round 'em up and send 'em all to Gitmo, now that we know what they are planning.


    2. Anonymous8:33 AM


      How many of them are here illegally?

  14. Anonymous6:34 AM

    GRYPHEN, THE PALINS AND RED DAWN III, The Retaking of Wasilla

    With the combination of the economic crisis in the European Union, a weakened NATO alliance and amid cooperation between an increasingly militant Wasilla family and ultranationalist-controlled Russia took advantage of the increased deployment of U.S. troops abroad which left the U.S. mainland vulnerable.

    Russian soldiers, under the command of PTSD combat vet Track Palin along with the former mayor Sarah Palin and members of the Alaskan Independence Party led by Todd Palin came out to convince a group of Alaskan resistance fighters to surrender.

    Journalist Gryphen who is dedicated to finding the truth, exposing the lies, and holding our politicians and leaders accountable when they fall far short of the promises that they have made to both his fellow Alaskans and the American people announces on Immoral Minority that he intends to fight and others agree to join him, calling themselves the Warriors after the local high school mascot.

    The Warriors begin a series of guerrilla attacks against the Russian soldiers and their collaborators the Palins and that my friends is how Red Dawn III, The Retaking of Wasilla started.

    1. Anonymous9:31 AM

      The Alaskan resistance fighters simply looked twad in the eye and twad soiled himself. No really. Anyways that's what could happen?

  15. Anonymous6:39 AM

    Wasilla, the home to a transvestite, a whore, a Russian bull, a pimp and his international prostitution. The Russians can have it

    1. Anonymous8:35 AM

      Is that you Dakota?

    2. Anonymous12:42 PM

      or some poor fuck they hired for security with a softsoap story about how GREAT it would be to work for them in Alaska? and how's that working out for you now kiddo?

  16. Anonymous6:53 AM

    The Story of The Wasilla Purchase (2016)

    The Wasilla Purchase was a land deal between the United States and Donald Trump, in which the Trumps acquired approximately 13.43 square miles of land and 1 square mile of water for $15 only if the Trumps promised to keep Sarah and her drunks out of the lower 48. Trump hired Todd Palin to build a 15 foot tall wooden fence around Wasilla but Trump refused to pay Todd for his shoddy work because his 15 ft fence kept falling down.

  17. Anonymous7:16 AM

    Stop complaining about the above Russian cow picture. If Immoral Minority wanted to really get everybody sick, IM would have posted Melania's naked pictures along with Marina's exposed butt crack pictures.

  18. Anonymous7:50 AM

    OT Just out of curiosity, what happened to Jordan and the baby that was due Oct. 8? Is she with Track?

    1. Anonymous11:29 PM

      Check out Bristlee's Instagram page. There's a shot of Tripp, Joey Junker's daughter and a baby. The comments indicate it's "baby Charlie". Probably the way the fam decided to announce the latest grandbastard, because Jeebus and all.
      Seriously, the lack of official announcement SCREAMS "I am humiliated over yet another bastard from my kids" and doesn't look good to the xtian fans. Me, I dont' give a shit either way.

  19. Anonymous7:50 AM

    So is Bristol a double- knot spy?!

    1. Cracklin Charlie8:53 AM

      I'm not sure Bristol could make single naught spy.

    2. Anonymous11:06 AM

      Her spy handle is 3.497

    3. Anonymous2:33 PM

      11:06 Too funn.

    4. Anonymous6:03 PM

      She's undercover in Hawaii or Vegas or some other seekrit poolside location...hardass working...or taking another vacay from all her other hardass working...wonder if the kids are left behind in least one is old enough to be in school...I've lost count of how many there are...whether it's vacations or something else...

      The way this spy chit works is sign answered by countersign. So the sign would be "3.497" answered by the countersign "hair collage".

      And btw she is more likely to be a double not spy.

    5. Anonymous6:04 PM

      Whoops! I forgot the new link!

  20. Hedgewytch8:23 AM

    I wonder how long it will take my conspiracy theory addicted Uncles to let me know about this one?

    I mean AK is so vulnerable, what with JBER, Ft. Richardson, the Coast Guard, the Pacific Naval force, and a whole bunch of locals that are heavily armed. I mean we are just SO unprotected!!

    1. Anonymous9:07 AM

      I was going to say the same Hedgewytch! Don't forget all the bases in close-by Wa state. Army, air force, navy bases with submarines...

    2. Anonymous11:11 AM

      Also too Ft Wainwright and Eilson, Clear AFB and Kodiak Coast Guard base. Considering there are less than 750,000 of us here I'd say we're effectively covered with 3% of our population being active duty military.

    3. Anonymous12:27 PM

      Don't forget about the Natives.
      Drunk or not they kicked Russia's ass!
      Sent them back to Russia!
      It was a massacre!
      You don't piss off a Native.
      Stupid Russians then.
      Stupid Russians now.

    4. Anonymous2:24 PM

      I think you are misremembering history.

    5. Anonymous1:08 AM

      It sounds like Alaska Native History to me.
      Long ago, mind you but it did happen.

  21. Anonymous8:50 AM

    OT: Church Hill Motel

    1. Anonymous11:31 PM

      Cuz rape would've been, you know, GAUCHE.

  22. Anonymous8:51 AM

    hmmmm....Did we forget about NORAD? Uncle Ted worked hard to get fortifying monies to Alaska which is perfectly placed to defend MURIKA! Oh and Canada also too which some Alaskans RILLY can see from their front porch.

    While I laugh at these conspiracy nuts, I am NOT laughing about what a TRUMP presidency right mean to Alaska. I think Trump is so dangerously stupid that he would trade Alaska back to the Russians - just because most of us northern wimmins are 5s or less. We can sure chop wood and haul water, though! And those of us who fish damn well know what 6 inches REALLY looks like. Shakers go back in the water.

    1. Anonymous11:14 AM

      Most of us are too bundled up to even tell what sex we are. . . just go back from my morning run at 10 degrees and I had on ALL the clothes :-)

  23. Anonymous11:01 AM

    Perhaps we here in the Wasilla area can borrow some of your violent thugs from Los Anchorage to assist in quelling the invasion.

    Perhaps you can also loan us your "bike trail serial killer" as well , oh, and a handful of your violent Samoans whose hobby seems to be beating defenseless citizens?

    We promise to return them to your fair city once they've done their job here.

    1. Hey we have a great group of Samoan citizens in Anchorage. They are very involved in the community and have had a mostly positive effect on the city.

      There have been gangs in Anchorage since the 70's, trust me I know, so it is nothing new, and the fact that there are some Samoan and Polynesian kids in some of these gangs is not an indictment of the entire group.

      Next time you might want to want to hide your racism a little better.

    2. Anonymous2:24 PM

      Sorry, there are a lot of problems in the Samoan community, even they admit it. Not being racist, just realistic.

    3. Anonymous8:32 AM

      Anon 11:01 I am valley resident. for
      38 years. and a former Anchorage resident. And an Alaskan for 44 years.
      WE ARE ALL ALASKANS!! comments like yours are offensive and do not represent us as a hole.. but do represent you to be an ASSHOLE!!

  24. Anonymous12:10 PM

    lol...oh Sarah...I needed a giggle this morning ok afternoon...

    Gyrphen has no worries about the Russians..cough

    1. Anonymous11:34 PM

      is the "cough" part cuz you just toked one? I don't get it.

    2. Anonymous12:39 PM

      sounds like Gryphen has inside information!

  25. Anonymous1:03 PM

    After the Russian navy invades land locked Wasilla, how exactly do they plan to take over the lower 48? Invade Canada?

    This story sounds like Sarah called up the tabloids with a story about how she is busy keeping watch from her porch.

    1. Anonymous1:16 PM

      hahaha yeah it smells like a S A R A H story!

    2. Anonymous5:48 PM

      Sarah needs a reality shower.

  26. Anonymous2:46 PM

    That photo of Sara reminds me of the anger I feel that she always looked so mis-dressed as our governor.

    Most people take their coat off at the door. They don't sit at their desk doing interviews with their windbreaker on.

    No wonder she got away with wearing that same oversized black blazer while waiting for Trig to come.

    Most women, especially professional women, would have worn nice appropriate clothes to work.

    Such total disrespect for Alaska and the office she was elected to (not by me, btw).

    GRRRRR. Let Russia have her.

    1. Anonymous3:56 PM

      I think you answered your own question.

      "Most women, especially professional women, would have worn nice appropriate clothes to work."

      Professional. Appropriate.

      Do you get it now?

  27. Anonymous5:49 PM

    Is Derpkota going to man the mighty destroyer the SS Embarassment the dead lake when the coastal invasion of land locked Wasilla begins??


Don't feed the trolls!
It just goes directly to their thighs.