Still God shopping for the Holidays.

At the suggestion of one my frequent visitors I thought I would travel to the island of Hawaii in my ongoing search for a God or Goddess to believe in.

I chose Pele, Goddess of fire, as todays candidate.

Well first off she is pretty hot! Hot get it? Never mind.

Apparently long ago Pele sailed to Hawaii to escape her jealous sister Na-maka-o-kaha'i, who was pissed because Pele did the horizontal hula with her husband. Apparently Pele was somewhat of a slut.

Pele climbed to the top of Mauna Loa to avoid her sister's giant ocean waves which she threw against the island trying to put out Pele's fires. Feeling safe Pele made her home on top of the mountain. Is it just me or does this not sound suspiciously like the Greek Gods and Mount Olympus? Interesting coincidence.

Apparently Pele was the original "woman scorned", taking lovers and then getting pissed at their ultimate betrayal and sending lava to burn them to ashes. (I so want to put a fiery temper pun in here but I will skip it.)

Apparently Pele's presence is still strongly felt on the islands.

Whispered encounters with Pele include those of drivers who pick up an old woman dressed all in white accompanied by a little dog on roads in Kilauea National Park, only to look in the mirror to find the back seat empty. Pele's face has mysteriously appeared in photographs of fiery eruptions, and most people who live in the islands-whether Christian, Buddhist, Shinto, or other-speak respectfully of the ancient goddess. After all, she has destroyed more than 100 structures on the Big Island since 1983, and perhaps even more awesome than that, she has added more than 70 acres of land to the island's southeastern coastline.

Pretty impressive of a Goddess to survive the arrival of all of those competing religions. But I don't believe in her. Even though she is apparently still cursing those who take items from her island. According to park rangers every year pieces of lava rock are mailed back by visitors who claim to have been plagued by bad luck ever since taking the rocks from the islands.

I still don't believe in her. She seems a to suffer from uncontrollable bouts of PMS and her mood swings make her a little too psychotic to fit my idea of a comforting religious belief.

So if this is your idea of a happening religious belief I wish you well and hope that nothing I have said will shake your faith. I hope that your life is filled with blue skies and quiet seas.

And though I don't believe in Pele I am also not taking any lava rocks home from vacation. I am an athiest, not an idiot.

Aloha!