London has sex toy vending machines installed in bars. There is now a dramatic increase in drunk horny brit males going home alone.

They used to drop packets of salt and vinegar crisps and cups of putrid coffee. But now vending machines have acquired a new range of products: mini vibrators, bottles of "love liquid" edible lubricant, silicone ticklers and "lust fingers".

Bars and nightclubs across London, Manchester and Newcastle have begun to offer a range of sex toys, for around £5 a go, through the fuchsia pink Tabooboo machines, which are mostly sited in toilets to render the pondering customer a bit of privacy. Some, however, have popped up in the middle of hairdressing salons, giving the old adage "Something for the weekend, sir?" a new meaning.

Oh oh! This does not sound good for my gender. This just knocks us down few more notches on the desirability scale. You used to be able to depend on getting a little action from desperate drunk women at closing time. But now they have an alternative.

Wouldn't it suck to be passed over in favor of a sex toy? But there is some hope.

"The products all fit into a box two or three times the size of a cigarette packet.

So if you can muster an erection bigger then a cigarette box you might still have a chance. Of course whipping it out in a crowded bar might lose you crucial attraction points. Especially if you can't quite stretch it out enough to win.