Tom Cruise says his father was a bully. Now Tom is nuts. I am so sorry Tom.

"He was a bully and a coward," the 43-year-old actor says of his father, Thomas Cruise Mapother III. "He was the kind of person where, if something goes wrong, they kick you. It was a great lesson in my life -- how he'd lull you in, make you feel safe and then, bang!

In my house we called that discipline.

Okay so Tom was abused. But is that any reason to believe this?

75 million years ago, there was an alien galactic ruler named Xenu who was in charge of 76 planets in our sector of the galaxy, including planet Earth, whose name at that time was Teegeeack.

All of the planets Xenu controlled were over-populated by, on average, 178 billion people. Social problems dictated that Xenu rid his sector of the galaxy of this overpopulation problem, so he developed a plan.

Xenu sent out Tax Audit demands to all these billions of people.

As each one entered the audit centers for the income tax inspections, the people were seized, held down and injected with a mixture of alcohol and glycol, and frozen. Then, all 13.5 trillion of these frozen people were put into spaceships that looked exactly like DC8 airplanes, except that the spaceships had rocket engines instead of propellers.

(That is only a small part of the crazy. If you want to read more go here.)

Okay Tom so you were abused. Lots of us were treated poorly when we were kids. But we did not run off to join a cult! The least you could do is not kidnap young actresses, impregnate them, and then brainwash them into following your bizarre beliefs! Please Tom let Katie Holmes go!

Take Paris Hilton instead! Look at her vacant stare! Just think how easy it would be to brainwash her! Plus she has tons of money! Scientologists love money!

Come on Tom do not inflict your psychosis on the innocent!