Are you still just having sex with some human? Wow, how primitive is that?

In his 1991 book "Virtual Reality," new media guru Howard Rheingold speculated on virtual reality sex and suggested a way to solve this lack of sensation, using a term first coined by computer networking pioneer Ted Nelson: teledildonics.

(You know I just had to post a story that had the word teledildonics in it, didn't you?)

By using computers to control sex toys over long distances, VR sex could seem quite real indeed. Now, 15 years after Rheingold’s book, a few companies say teledildonics have finally arrived.

Web-based outfits like Sinulate.com and HighJoy.com enable users to engage in sex play when they connect a vibrator to a computer that receives electronic instructions submitted by somebody sitting at another computer. The user interfaces, which resemble airplane cockpit controls or stereo sound leveling dials, change the speed and direction of a vibrator hooked up to the receiver’s computer.

I can certainly see the advantages. No more going to bed with Jenna Jameson and waking up to Jo Jo, the dog face boy. And think how easy breakups will be. You just delete the little darling from your "friends" list.

Hughes, for one, looks forward to the day when VR, teledildonics and other technologies combine. “Fifteen, 20 years from now, relationships online are going to be increasingly realistic,” he argues.

A future of VR sex could have some advantages. No STDs, no worry the fellow furry fetishist you meet at a convention will turn out to be the guy who works the counter at Dunkin’ Donuts, and men could finally have sex with virtual women who look like the wide-eyed characters in manga comics.

So, he says, “body-to-body sex is probably going to become less common. People will increasingly turn to mediated experiences.”

Sorry, as much as I want to be on the cutting edge of kinky technology I am going to have to give this a pass. Call me old fashioned but I still enjoy the comfort of holding each other right after a rousing two hour session of hot monkey love. I like making her sleep in the wet spot and telling her that, of course I love her, right now. I like kissing her lips and telling her that she is the best I have had, tonight.

Who could posssibly let such tender moments slip away?