Newt Gingrich offers six steps to help Sarah Palin with her comeback.

1. Write a book. Palin is already set to do that, which Gingrich applauds. A book, he said, helps a politician lay out his or her philosophy and experiences in their own unhurried words. It also helps score TV time, which in turn helps sell books, he added. (Go ahead Sarah write a book. And then when Levi writes his book, we can do a side by side comparison. That should be fun, don't you think?)

2. Land a regular commentator slot on television. It’s a sure way for an outsider to stay inside the national dialogue and in touch with the incumbents, activists and strategists who can help launch a comeback. (Yes get out in front of the cameras as often as possible so that the people who have not been seduced by your "hockey mother gone rogue" routine can see how quickly your "Mary Kay charisma" disappears when they are exposed to it day, after day, after day, after day, after day, etc., etc., etc.)

3. Consider getting a condominium in New York or Washington. An East Coast base of operations would ease what could become an onerous travel schedule from Alaska. (That way you can see crackheads and hookers from your front porch.)

4. Write and master three types of speeches. One speech “is to make money,” he said, and should be something smart and entertaining. (I'm sorry, did he say "write something smart"?)

The second set of speeches includes what Gingrich calls “high-value” addresses designed to be delivered before major interest groups and universities, enabling Palin to “project her brand.”
(Palin's brand is that of a quitter, a victim, and a liar. Good luck marketing that.)

The third speech, of course, is a campaign stump speech that she can take on the road in 2010 to help Republican candidates raise money and gain attention. (This is something that she just might be good at. I agree with the Newt on this one. Shh don't tell anybody.)

5. Create some sort of national project or center. This can serve as a base for her political return and an incubator for ideas and action on issues. A National Energy Project, Gingrich said, would be a natural for Palin. (I don't think that Palin "incubates" ideas. I could tell you what I think she incubates, but that will just sound ugly. Here is a hint: It rhymes with "lazy".)

6. Plan on working really, really hard. Many ex-politicians confuse being a celebrity with being a serious political player, Gingrich said. “She can be a personality for a long time,” he said. “But that is very different from becoming a national leader.” (This is also good advice. And advice that I absolutely do not think that Palin can follow. I don't believe that Sarah entered politics to be a "serious political player". She did it to become a somebody. She did it to finally teach that bitch who beat her out for the Miss Alaska crown a lesson. She did it to be famous. Period.)

I am not a fan of Newt Gingrich but I think it was very nice of him to give Sarah Palin some advice that she will never, ever take. And it has inspired me to do the same.

Gryphen's six pieces of advice for his ex-Governor:

1) Don't incite hate against the President. He won the election, you didn't, and acting this way just make you look petty and hateful.

2) Don't keep using your children as props. It does not make you look warm and motherly, it makes you look creepy and manipulative.

3) Don't blame all of your mistakes on others. Eventually there will be so many bodies thrown under that bus that it will be too high centered for its wheels to even touch the ground. Then what will you do?

4) Don't Facebook. Even if you hire a room full of ghostwriters the messages coming from that source make you sound less like a future leader and more like a spoiled teenager complaining to the world that nobody likes her because they are all jealous of her good looks and cool clothes. This is not how serious adults get their messages heard.

5) Don't twitter, it makes you sound insane.

6) And finally, just don't bother.

You are finished.

The media knows it.

Alaskans know it.

The Republican party knows it.

Even Todd knows it.

The only ones who don't know it are you, your small group of crazy-ass sycophants, and people who still think they can make a buck off of you.

Do yourself a favor, prioritize your family, make some money with public appearances, and try to find some peace. Learn to like yourself again, and perhaps you will be able to break your addiction to the limelight and accept that you have value even if the world is not looking at you.