Teaching
Possible classes include:
American Government from 1776 to 1778ish. "After two and a half years government just gets boring, don'tcha know".
Abstinence only birth control. "This class grades on a curve, just because you get knocked up does NOT mean you can't be a future spokesperson."
Underwater salvage. First class will be held at Lake Lucille right off the end of the Palin pier. "Remember anything you find MUST be handed to the instructor and NOT sold to a tabloid."
Learn how to Give a Coherent Interview. Oh never mind. This is a class that Palin is TAKING not teaching.
Social Services
Sarah Palin's Home for Unwed Mothers. "Even my detractors have to agree I have some experience in THIS field."
Sarah Palin's Urban Outreach Program. "My philosophy is that there is no problem so big that a batch of warm tollhouse cookies can't solve it. You betcha!"
Sarah Palin's Crisis Management Response Team. "We will meet once a week and bow our heads in prayer and ask the Lord to send somebody to help those poor unfortunates. Remember God helps those that don't ask the Government to solve their problems. It's in the Bible."
Media
Fox Network's Sarah Palin Hour! Topics include: Make up tips, death panels, parenting through Twitter, fun with pharmaceuticals, moose stew recipe ideas, dressing for success, the racism of Barack Obama, ungrateful children, and many, many more Palin centered topics.
With possible guests Michelle Bachman, Mike Huckabee, Betsy McCaughey, Mark Sanford, Lynn Jenkins, Rod Blagojevich and perhaps a few others whose careers are not already in the toilet.
If you have any more employment ideas for our Twitter Quitter just leave them in the comments section.
As always, have fun.
How about MILK MAIDEN for her newly created and susidized dairy operation in Wasilla? They are missing her frequent injections of cash so perhaps she can help out in the barns. I can think of nothing more appropriate.
ReplyDeleteAnd lets not forget dipshit 101........
ReplyDeleteBirds of feather flock together..Turkey Farm: giving thanks she isn't governor anymore or anywhere.
ReplyDeleteGreat Gryph.
ReplyDeleteHow about lever puller for death panel?
A great job for The Quitter would be Crash Test Dummy.
ReplyDeleteGryphen - Good one!
ReplyDeleteShe could be the world's first Twitter author, but without a ghost writer. I know, it's a stretch. The 160 character thing would be severely taxing on her literary talents. I think that she'd have problems reading that much right now, but with training and patience, if she paces herself, she might actually make it work.
ReplyDeleteI have managed to obtain a galley copy of Palin's Opus 1:
"Chptr. 1. It wz d bst of X, it wz d wst of X. Now is d smr of r dscntnt. Call me Ishml. It wz svrl yrs ago. Chptr 2. It wz a drk + stmy nt. O U 8 1 2. D end."
I take it that she definitely did not show up at Changepoint Church on Thursday?
ReplyDeleteIf I were Megletongue, I'd be looking for a new job. It seems like SP keeps making her lie!
Someone should do a remake of the PTL club, with Sarah and Todd playing Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker.
ReplyDeletePalin's been stealing Tammy Faye's shtick for the past year anyway, from the phoney-folksy persona to the constant pleading for money from her born-again fan base.
How about die-cast injection mold maker. I hear its an lucrative occupation.
ReplyDeleteYou left Fancy Pageant Walking off the list of teaching courses, and Lyndon LaRouche off her FOX guest list
ReplyDeleteTeaching: Ethics for Dummies
ReplyDeleteAdditional courses during third semester:
ReplyDeleteWater management on public transportation
Virtual Conceptioning
Surrogate parenting
Backdoor geography
Aerial marksmanship
Winking for dollars
Porcine cosmetology
Sarah Palin Exorcism for the ages: Sarah Palin will teach you how to wash those Demons and Witches right out of your hair. (Video high-lights will be provided). Class needs: Bring a bible and your local witch doctor.
ReplyDeleteHow about "How to speak incoherently in public?"
ReplyDelete"Abstinence only birth control. "This class grades on a curve, just because you get knocked up does NOT mean you can't be a future spokesperson."
ReplyDeleteSorry, Gryphen. You can only be a spokesperson if you are a member of the Palin family.
She can teach "Tossing Word Salad 101"...Decription: how to say nothing coherent in a 10 minute speech that will absolutely mesmerize your supporters and confuse the heck out of your critics. Word Salad is an original spoken word art form created and perfected by former Gov Sarah Palin. Normally rational political pundits have fallen under the spell of Word Salad, claiming Palin has uncanny political instincts. This course will also teach you how to drop your g's, wink, smile, and crinkle your nose at all appropriate times,write run on sentences that cannot be diagrammed, and make your male admirers feel like you are speaking directly to them.
ReplyDeletePalinfant Care: Learn to hold a special needs baby in a completely awkward, unnatural and non-maternal way, away from your body, with the childs' blinking eyes out in the bright stage lights, so that no one anywhere can possibly miss the fact that This! Child! Has! Downs'! Syndrome! Also too, perfect the Downs-Pass-Off to any other family member so once the stage lights and tv cameras are off you, you don't have to bother with the kid anymore.
ReplyDeleteAlternate course offering: Body padding to fake pregnancy in only the last 6 weeks of my daughter's gestation, because oh, no, she's is about to deliver, we just found out the baby has Downs and we can't adopt it out. Bonus: Learn why a knocked-up teenager with a mentally and physically challenged baby and grungy f'in redneck boyfriend is not a conservative family value anyone in America would want, but can still be used for mom's political gain!!
Not sure if my first post went through--
ReplyDelete**Palinfant Care: Learn to hold a special needs baby in a completely awkward, unnatural and non-maternal way, face-out and as far away from you as possible, with the childs' blinking eyes out in the bright stage lights, so that no one anywhere can possibly miss the fact that This! Child! Has! Downs'! Syndrome! Also too, perfect the Downs-Pass-Off to any other family member so once the stage lights and tv cameras are off you, you don't have to bother with the kid anymore.
Alternate course offering: Body padding to fake pregnancy in only the last 6 weeks of my daughter's gestation, because oh, no, she's is about to deliver, we just found out the baby has Downs and we can't adopt it out. Bonus: Learn why a knocked-up teenager with a mentally and physically challenged baby and grungy f'in redneck boyfriend is not a conservative family value anyone in America would want, but can still be used for mom's political gain!!
**Palinsanity:
Learn the art of looking progressively more unhinged and desperate each time a television camera is on you.
Bonus Sessions: Manic Speaking 101; Quittiness; Talking Louder to Convince Yourself You Really Know Something; How Teen Sex Permitted in the Family Home and Abstinence Can Work Together; Grifting from Sponsors 101; Flexible Ethics For Politicians
How about co-anchoring the evening news with Katie Couric? Have a mud bath installed behind the anchor desks and let the two prima dona's have at it each evening. It would improve the shows rating and it would be a combination of the evening news and worldwide wrestling all wrapped in to one show.
ReplyDeleteShe could start construction of the Sarah Palin Almost Vice-Presidential Library in Wasilla.
ReplyDeleteShe'd make a great slutty flight attendant.....provided she doesn't have to serve black people.
ReplyDeleteHer welcome absence from media is due to her working on a movie called
ReplyDelete"Sarah and SARA"
Plot is an adoring fan Sara relives and twitters every day of SARA's life.
Ms.Palin will both star and co-star.
Ending has already been leaked- it'll be "You betcha' with a wink".
Wow - You people spend an awful lot of time and energy trash-talking a woman you say has no relevence.....wouldn't your time be better spent writing the president with protest letters regarding the poor treatment of the Gitmo detainees???? Or maybe working the southern border passing out food stamps to the illegals?
ReplyDeleteanon @ 9:21 - We can walk and chew gum at the same time, no worries. Scarah simply provides too much comic relief to ignore. She is Brittany Spears and the Octomom rolled into one. In addition, she is the train wreck that you just can't seem to pass without gawking. A cartoon, a clown, a character of epic size never witnessed in America. "Step right up"........said the barker at the freak show booth at the carnival.
ReplyDeleteAnon 9:21:
ReplyDeleteSeems to me that you spend way too much time reading blogs and comments that aren't relevent to you. You even had the time to write an asinine comment.
Passing out food stamps to the illegals? What a dumbass thing to say. But then, I don't expect much thought from a Sarah Troll.
Anonymous...9:21
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately this woman has relevance to to a gullible 20% of our voting population.
Maybe our time would be better spent with other activities. However as a productive society member I feel I have earned a break to use as I please.
Creating and sharing a chuckle gives me pleasure and a much needed break from other more serious endeavors.
It gives balance. Even the most significant news sources include cartoons.
So indulge our wit with a smile. It'll do you good.
She could maybe teach a class on "Grifting a new house for Free" teaching people how to use bribes and graft, and maybe a little slice off the top from their emploer government or private to get a beautiful lake home bulit for nothing, also included a "special seminar on how building codes can be neglected"
ReplyDeleteAlaskan Sisu says -
ReplyDeleteHip hip hooray for the rest of the world catching on to this phoney self imposed icon. It was bad enough when she had Alaska by the neck and we were being held hostage. Now that she's gone it's heartwarming to see the rest of the world wake up to her finger pointing ways.
You would have to be deaf, dumb and blind not to see her divisiveness. Alaskans especially, deserve to share their humor and tales of woe with the rest of the world. We survived despite her constant attempts to draw a target on her back from one group or another.
Alaskans are not impressed with her antics regarding gun control. Her obsessive need to bring drama into any situation and her finger pointing should have sent the NRA packing away from her long ago. It's understandable, it took a couple years for the State of Alaska to catch on too, also.
Crash Test Dummy: Qualifications require minimal brain activity, non-responsive, tangential thought processes., and no paper work! It’s a once in a lifetime gig. (Maybe more if you are hospitalized the first time. But what a trip it is!
ReplyDeleteHooker: Here’s the complete guide to Trolling for and bagging the right sucker(s) for personal gain. Wear appropriate clothing and footwear to make them all giddy with glee and anticipation. High heels and Red shoes are a must. Winking is a plus.
Interviews for Dummies: Questions are usually loaded to trick you and make you look bad. With that fact in mind, refuse to answer the questions and talk about what you want. People will notice that and embrace you for your mavericky self.
Debates for Dummies: Knowing that the moderator is already biased against you (with the exception of the Great and Wonderful Faux News Team), be prepared to discuss your own issues and ignore the topics put forth by the moderator.
Public Speaking for Dummies (revised): Just start talking and keep talking about anything, anybody, any time. Fill up the spaces and let those words roll out as fast as you can. Breathe once in a while but not for long. Never stop long enough to gather a cohesive thought pattern. This is important to bear in mind because it would diminish your unique delivery. Wow them with your ability to talk rapidly and even redundantly at times. The only thing that matters is rapid, non-sequitorial, get-everything-you-ever-thought-about at any time in your life out to your adoring fans.
Etiquette for Dummies: Who cares?
Ethics? Oh yeah...Ethics really are for Dummies.
Amway Sales Person: She can go to all their rallies and excite the base with right-wing "stinkin' thinkin" spewing from her pit bull lips. Oh, sorry...I forgot: she won't show up.
ReplyDelete