The rally was smaller than we had hoped, undoubtedly the rain did not help, but it was a feisty and energetic group that showed up in front of the Nesbett Courthouse yesterday afternoon.
Holding up signs and waving at passing motorists the crowd did their level best to let the city know that a potentially dangerous man was being released into their midst.
I stood with AKMuckraker in the drizzle and talked to various women who showed up. One by one they tentatively approached AKM to tell her that they were there because she posted about the rally on Mudflats. By my estimation more than half of the twenty or so people who showed up did so because of AKM's post.
We listened to the women express their shock that the judge had decided on such a low bail for a man who in all probability is a serial rapist, and who used his job as a police officer to stalk and victimize at least six different women in our city.
I was very struck by the fact that the rally consisted of only women, except for myself and one other guy who admitted that his wife had made him come down with her. The idea that this is a women' issue and that men do not need to stand up and protest violence done to members of their community is ridiculous.
It is my opinion that as men we need to show up and demonstrate that we do not condone this type of behavior. If we stay silent we risk being defined by the guy's like this who use their larger size and strength to intimidate and violate those that cannot defend themselves.
I have been in situations where women have looked upon me with unease, not because of me personally, but because of what I represent. I am a man, and I shoulder the weight of all of the violence that men have done to women, whether I like it or not.
It is up to all men to demonstrate that REAL men are gentle and non-threatening. By virtue of our strength we should protect, and never abuse, those who are defenseless.
Everyday there are men in the world hurting others and giving women a reason to fear them. If, as men, we do demonstrate that those are cowards, and not true representations of what it is to be a man, then we have only ourselves to blame if we find women avoiding us or expressing fear at our approach.
Which is why I allowed myself to be talked into giving a short interview to the nice, and very assertive, KTUU reporter. I am not very comfortable on camera, but since there were no other males, I felt I had no choice. You can find me at the 2:20 mark.
By the way here is Mudflat's post about the rally.
Gryphen....thank you..(and your parents) for being the kind of man who knows what being manly is all about.
ReplyDeleteI am married to one, and I raised one, so I see it up close and personal everyday. Many women don't have men to model that behaviour.
It doesn't matter that the crowd was small. What matters is people showed up to show support to those young women who have been vicitimized. On some level..it put the judge on notice.
I guess the worst for me is that the judge doesn't seem to get that this case is about power and control even more than in other rape cases. All sexual violence is about power and control, but this man is/was a cop, and that takes it up several notches in my opinion.
Taking away his cellphone does what exactly?
Laurie
You have nothing to worry about regarding your interview in the video. You did well. You are correct about men having to stand with women against rapists. I also don't understand why this man's bail was set as low as it was if, as I recall reading, Alaska has a higher number of rapes than most other states. Thanks to you and all of those who attended the rally. It is only if people get involved when something like this happens that there is a chance for changes to occur in the justice system.
ReplyDeleteThanks for standing up for the women in your state, Gryphen. I agree that many more men need to speak out against violence against women, especially considering that AK has one of the highest rates of it in the nation.
ReplyDeleteAgain, thank you!
GiGi
Don't forget how many people your blogs touched that were there in spirit!
ReplyDeleteHip Hip Hooray to the Alaskan Blogs one more time - if you counted all of the respondents on these blogs that wanted to be there, it was pretty damn crowded. Yeah baby. Crowded.
Alaskan Sisu
Gryphen thank you so much for actually showing up rather than just saying "this is terrible and shouldn't be allowed to happen" or something like that, which is what so many people do. I agree that it is not the size of the crowd but the fact that people are standing for what is right. It is sad that the judge in this case is clueless to the fact that this man is still very dangerous. And he took his cell phone and computer away?! Well, that really makes sense doesn't it? I am sure he has friends that will provide access to this young woman. I am proud once again of Alaska and to be a part of it even though I live in Southern Cal. Thanks again Gryphen for being the man you are.
ReplyDeleteThanks for being there and being a voice for the men in our community that won't stand for violence against women.
ReplyDeleteGryph, you looked great on TV, and I applaud you for being more courageous than I when it came to appearing in front of the TV camera.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Gryphen...
ReplyDeletefor making the effort ~ and for lending your voice to a very important cause.
Your life makes a difference...and not merely to those lives affected by these heinous crimes.
cg~
Thank you Gryphen for standing up for women! We appreciate all you do! S.H.
ReplyDeleteThank you for being there in support of women. We need more men like you.
ReplyDeleteI originally wrote this on myspace, but thought it needed to be shared here as well....
ReplyDelete1979.
18 years old.
The Army.
Germany, sent out to the field for the first time.
The only woman and 1500 men.
I was the Medic, they were Engineers.
Alone, in the dark being watched, only I didn't know
Vilseck, Germany after two weeks without a shower, we were allowed to go to Tent city for 2 days.
Much Celebrating. Much Drinking. After showers the partying started.
I was invited.
A cute boy
Fun
free drinks
more drinks
Something wrong....
Room spinning
Dizzy
can't walk
being carried
pass out
wake up
can't move
tied up
can't talk
gag in mouth
voices
someone on me
wet between the legs
laughter
another body on me
tears
another body
all night
over and over again
how many?
Don't know
too many
over and over again
thrusting
sweaty
pawing
pain
tearing
more laughter
in and out of conscience
how many?
could be twenty
could be a hundred
all ranks
all sizes
all ages
all pen*ses
all thrusting
all sweating
lots of pain
smell of greasy tent
smell of booze
smell of tobacco
smell of man sweat
smell of semen
smell of sex
all thrusting
all groping
all squeezing
all pawing
only one, who when he saw my tears, stopped in his tracks
But he walked out, and another came in to take his place
over and over again
no help
none in sight
all night long
in and out of reality
in and out of dreams
more body's
more men
more thrusting
how many hours?
finally the sweet release of unconsciousness
awakening
naked
in the showers
bruises and blood everywhere
Pain
oh my God the pain
all consuming pain
my clothing in a pile
scrub
scrub
scrub
scrub
scrub
scrub
scrub
scrub
water is cold
scrub some more
scrub
scrub
scrub
scrub
scrub
scrub
scrub
scrub
put on uniform
met at door, by commanding Officer
stern words about MY behavior
told if I talked, it would be MY fault
Threatened with prison for "enticing"
handed orders to be transfered
Told to pack my bags
Transportation waiting
Warned again
If you talk, you die
or worse
watching blindly as the trees roll by
curling up inside of me
hiding the pain
hoping the pain will fade
as the bruises do
can't walk, can't sit, can't take a sh*t
blaming myself
Others have
so why not me?
Guilt
it weighs on a mind
remembering what was said
silence it is my friend
denial
lock the pain away
never talk they said
never talk I did
The pain it became my friend
To this day, it never ends.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is the first time I have EVER written or spoken about that night. The ONLY reason I have after thirty years is, because it is STILL going on! What happened to me, happens to thousands of women in the military every year!
1 in 3 women in the military have been raped.
Let me repeat that so it sinks in....
1 in 3 women in the Military have been raped.
I have learned through the years one must NEVER be silent when it comes to Rape and Abuse! otherwise it can (and does) happen again, and again.....
Even though my rape took place over 25 years ago, because I only recently started to talk about it, I have been suffering from PTSD. By writing about it it has awoken emotions that I had managed to keep shoved down and under lock and key. I am very raw emotionally recently. I recognize that this is the first step to healing fully. Since I never opened up before, it has had time to fester and rot in my soul and I am lancing the boil of long over due emotions. They have been pouring out (and my poor family is having to deal with the brunt of it, even though they are innocent of any wrong doing.) Fortunately I have a wonderful husband who loves me and is understanding enough to help me cope.
ReplyDeleteI am trying to deal with how it affected my life and the choices I made in partners because of the Rape and because I never talked about it. I have been in one abusive relationship after another (at least up to the last 11 years, that I have been happily married to my very caring and understanding husband).
I have battled low self esteem and never connected that and the abusive relationships together with the rape. I never felt I deserved happiness or deserved to be treated like a human being.
I am in a place now, where I am finally understanding that I DO deserve happiness, that I do Deserve a good relationship and that I am a women of worth!
But the healing process has made me have to relive everything and it is tearing me up....
It takes a real man to stand up to other men and take them to task for acting like it is a "woman's only issue".
ReplyDeleteI'm just sayin...
Thank you all for your very kind words. But...
ReplyDeleteI am NOT a hero. The majority of the men that I know are just like me. They just don't have access to a blog to tell you that they also feel great sorrow at the crimes committed by members of their gender against women.
It is such a small percentage of us who can rationalize violating others, but their impact on society has consequences for us all. I wish that I could take away the pain inflicted on Doubting Thomas, but I cannot.
Thank you for sharing your story and your pain. Perhaps it will help others who have been physically violated to know that they are not alone.
@
ReplyDeletedoubtingThomas....very powerful. Thank you so much for trusting us enough to share this. I too know the pain you are speaking of, and I am grateful for your voice.
Laurie
Gryphen, thanks for speaking up! This is very tragic is that he is/was a police officer! And raped while on duty! The hubris! What makes this judge so sure that a ankle bracelet and his wife watching will be enough? I wouldn't be surprised to see more women come forward before this is over.
ReplyDeleteDoubting Thomas....OMG! {{{{HUGS}}}} I know all of us here reading your story are sending much love and healing your way...Thanks for sharing and may this help on your healing journey.
I hope somehow you can heal and maybe sonehow get some justice against those who did this to you...
Namaste.
Sending you ((((Hugs)))) Doubting Thomas and Gryphen. Thank you so much for sharing your story DT, my heart bleeds for you and my tears are flowing. May your healing come swiftly.
ReplyDeleteGryph, thanks for speaking out! You did great!
I couldn't come to the rally until after my dentist appointment (that I had for the last 2 months)...about 2:30...and sadly no one was there to try and talk to me with my numb mouth. Thank you, folks, who showed up in the rain!
ReplyDeleteThomas, as a rape survivor myself, I'm sending you a big hug. My experiences came back to me in flashbacks for several years so hang in there, it gets better.
Gryph, dude, this is why I love you, man! I know...we should go out to lunch sometime soon!
Doubting Thomas, sending you love and encouragement from one woman to another. You deserve love and respect and healing, and I am so glad you have a good man with you now! I am so sorry to hear of your pain, and I wish all the best for you. I do think sharing that this happened may help some other reader who feels like they are the only person it has happened to.
ReplyDeleteGryphen, thank you for going to this rally. We need more men who are willing to speak up that this kind of horrible crime must not be taken lightly. ESPECIALLY someone charged with enforcing the law not allowed to get by with minimal punishment.
The worse thing about my rape, and I am sure is also true of the women the Police officer assaulted. Was not so much the physical violence. The bruises heal, the physical wounds mend in time, but the EMOTIONAL wounds take a lifetime to heal, ESPECIALLY when the emotional woulds are inflicted by a person(s) who has power. They have to power to continually rape you emotionally every day. Every time you see another in the same uniform (be it military or police) it reminds you that a person in uniform is part of a larger entity that COULD do the same thing to you again without recrimination.
ReplyDeleteThank You all for the outpouring of love and support, but all I ask is this, rather than tell me how my story moved you, go and donate something (a stuffed animal, money, a can of food, a blanket....something) to your local battered womens shelter, there are much needier women than me. I have had almost 30 years to heal, they are suffering now....
Gryph, THANK YOU. For showing up and representing. More men need to do what you did. They don't need a blog-just show up with a sign and a strong voice! And what fun to see you in reality(sort of) ya handsome thang! Good job!
ReplyDeleteDOUGHBTING-your powerful words are a great step toward healing. If they clenched ME in a soul-grip and made me think(and at the least, feel gratitude that I have never suffered such a thing) imagine what they can do for other survivors. Thank you for your bravery. Warm hug to you...