Cue the hackneyed title please . "Drill, Baby, Drill"! Good, now places everybody. Okay quiet on the set, Action!

So gentle readers we return, once again, to the "riveting" hagiography of Alaska's first female governor, Queen Ester of the North, our very own Sarah Louise Heath Palin.

Now one of the things that fairly leaps out at you in this book is the fact that there are two separate realities. There is the "reality" reality that you and I live in, and then there is the "Sarah Palin" reality.

Now apparently, much like "matter" and "anti-matter", reality and "Sarah Palin" reality simply cannot occupy the same space.

So in the book "Going Rogue" you will find very little, if any, reality. For if there were too much "real" reality the book may in fact explode (not such a bad idea if you ask me).

For instance, in the real world there are people who we may think to be good citizens, honest public servants, and celebrities. But in the "Sarah Palin" reality we learn that these people are "gadflies", "Rogue's" (before it was all cool and everything), and Hollywood hypocrites.

So let us spend s little time getting to know these loathsome (in Sarah's reality) characters.

First we have Andree McLeod, or as Sarah refers to her on page 107, "Andree the Gadfly".

Andree who had once listed her occupation as "whistleblower" on a candidate survey, was a too-frequent caller to my home. My kids dreaded hearing her voice, but the only way I could get anything done during her long, one-sided conversations was to put her on the speakerphone while I'd go on cooking dinner and washing dishes. (According to Levi, a person more in touch with "real" reality, Sarah NEVER washed dishes nor cooked.)

Of course what Sarah fails to mention, and the REAL reason for her venomous words concerning Andree, is that Ms. McLoed is also the author of a number of the ethics complaints filed against her while she was the governor. Of course Sarah's book cannot have THAT much "real" reality in it, now can it?

It has often been noted that Palin has an unhealthy obsession with our current Commander-in-Chief, and she demonstrates it again on page 114.

Every part of our campaign shouted "Change!"

We were amused a couple of years later when Barack Obama--one of whose senior advisers (come to think of it) had roots in Alaska--adopted the same theme. Kris (Perry) and I joked about it: "Hey! We were change when change wasn't cool!"

So did you get that kids? In Sarah Palin's reality, Obama STOLE the change idea from HER gubernatorial campaign. And the evidence for that is that one of his advisers CAME from Alaska. Well that seems like a cut and dried case of campaign slogan stealing to me!

Of course the obvious follow up question would be, "If you had the idea first, why couldn't YOU make it 'cool'?"

On page 116, it is Andrew Halcro's turn to get thrown under the bus. But hey rather than type out the passage for you to read, how about I just let Andrew read it to you himself.



Gee I wish everybody that Sarah attacked could read their part to you like that, it would save a lot of wear and tear on my typing fingers (both of them).

Time to get all Hollywood as Sarah takes on the evil, and hypocritical Ashley Judd.

One animal rights group recruited a perky, pretty celebrity to attack our scientifically controlled, state-managed wolf-control program. It was ironic that she opposed using guns to kill predators that would cause Native people to starve, but apparently not opposed to taking movie roles in which she'd use a gun to kill predatory people. (P 134)

Yeah what a hypocrite! How dare she object to splattering the guts of REAL wolves all over the snow using REAL guns, from REAL helicopters when she herself uses PRETEND guns, in PRETEND scripted situations, to PRETEND to kill PRETEND bad guys! Can you believe the audacity of that woman?

Hey do you want to see the commercial that pissed Palin of so much? Of course you do.



Yep, I still love it!

Here is a great example of Palin pettiness for your perusal.

Once after school, Willow hid the puppy in her purse and snuck her into my office. The Senate Rules Committee chairman (John Cowdery) busted her and sent me a letter with some kind of official citation attached. Heaven forbid any lawmaker would catch Willow carrying her furry four-pound puppy into my office in violation of the NO DOGS ALLOWED sign. (Surely just a small distraction for this senator--he was later busted by the FBI and convicted on federal corruption charges.) (P 137)

And under the bus you go Senator puppy hater! You will notice that in Palin's reality it is a far worse crime to speak out against a small violation of the rules by somebody in her family then it is to be convicted on federal corruption charges.

Next up John Bitney, Sarah's high school band mate and first legislative director, and now nothing more than a tread covered speed bump.

My first legislative director was one of those (the 20 percent that Sarah would ask for a "do-over" if she could). He turned out to be a Blackberry games addict who couldn't seem to keep his lunch off of his tie. He relished the perception that he as a "player" in Juneau politics, but we were never sure which team he was on. (P 144)

Occasionally, he would wander in and out, plop down in the chair at the end of the table, nibble cookies, and absently thumb his Blackberry. Every now and then a tired staffer on a bathroom break would pass behind him, glance down, then mouth over his head, "It's Brick-Breaker." (P 150)

Slouching against the wall, he assured us that, yeah, he had everything under control, mission accomplished. The fact that his shirt was buttoned one button off and his shirttail was poking through his open fly didn't exactly inspire confidence. (P 151)

Sarah then goes on to blame Bitney for not preparing the Senate for the huge budget cuts that she was proposing. But you notice that Palin cannot simply say that Bitney did not perform his task adequately, instead she has to essentially point him out, in true mean girl fashion, to all of the "cool kid" supporters (her Palin-bots) as the dork.

No wonder that on "Moore up North" Bitney made the following statement. "The rules of engagement have changed. We are not friends anymore. I did not make that call, she did! I am tired of it, and I have had it!" Hmm methinks we may have another budding author on our hands.

I am going to stop there for now. Next up is Walt Monegan and that is going to require a little more detail to really explain the whole kerfuffle appropriately.

Before we finally take our leave of chapter three we will be visiting the mythology she creates around Track's military career (He was not running from the law! He is a patriot, darn you!), and of course the amazing and constantly changing story behind the birth of Trig Paxson Van Palin (this time with MORE contraction, but no amniotic fluids!)