Traditional Thanksgiving movie weekend! Now what are my choices?

I am a HUGE movie buff and try to get to the movies as often as possible.

Thanksgiving weekend is a must for me.

So I am looking forward to getting a big bucket of movie popcorn, a jug of soda, and putting my brain in neutral. Now all I have to do is pick the visual Prozac.

Hmm let's see what choices do we have?

The Blindside: Sandra Bullock movie about a woman who rescues a homeless teen and sets him on the path to football glory. Heartwarming story, check. Football, check. Sandra Bullock....problem. I stopped enjoying Sandra Bullock movies about eight movies ago. I have only liked her once since, and that was in The Proposal with Ryan Reynolds and Betty White. I checked the cast list on this movie and there is no Ryan Reynolds nor Betty White. I will take a rain check.

Disney's A Christmas Carol in Disney Digital 3D: I LOVE 3D! But this is yet ANOTHER remake of the Christmas Carol, and how many times can we subject ourselves to a director's sad attempt to flog something new out of this overworked Dickens tale? Besides once you have seen the Muppet version, everything else is pretty much downhill from there. You know what might help? A couple of ninjas!

Fantastical Mr. Fox: Stop action movie aimed at children, and their poor brain dead parents, with George Clooney. I like George Clooney. You know in an entirely heterosexual way, focused completely on his work, and not his mesmerizing bedroom eyes. But the look of this movie really turns me off. I have heard good things, but people lie to me all of the time.

I actually made a stop motion movie when I was in elementary school. And after I was finished explaining to the principal that the papier-mache character in my film that was chased by dinosaurs, shot full of arrows by indians, and decapitated by pirates was not "necessarily" him, I sort of swore off stop motion altogether. Pass.

The Road: Heartwarming tale, featuring Viggo Mortensen, of a father trying to get his son to someplace safe, before he ends up as an entree in a cannibal's holiday dinner. Apocalyptic and dark, but no Hobbits. Pass.

The Fourth Kind: Movie based on "true" events in Nome, Alaska that never actually happened. Okay people, I LIVE in Alaska! If we had alien visitors willing to abduct me don't you think I would have hitched a ride out of this damn place? Almost as many lies as a Sarah Palin book, no thanks!

Men Who Stare at Goats: Another George Clooney movie. (Do you think he is stalking me?) The trailer looked pretty funny, but I cannot get over the fact that the title sounds like a cry for help in a Craigslist ad. Not one single ninja either. Pass.

Pirate Radio: I was very excited about seeing this until I realized there was no Johnny Depp. A pirate movie without Johnny Depp? Are they kidding me?

2012: Oh boy another movie where the world comes to an end. You know I could watch people being crushed by falling national monuments all day long, but the title kind of puts me off. I mean in 2012 Sarah Palin may ACTUALLY make a run for the White House. There is NOTHING in this movie more frightening than that! Nothing!

Old Dogs: Two over the hill actors trying to resurrect their careers by adding adorable, scene stealing, children and animals, oh yippee! You know as much as I enjoy watching Seth Green get repeatedly smacked in his boy parts I think I will give this "old dog" a pass. If only they had added a ninja or two.

Twilight Saga: New Moon: You know I considered watching this movie for about a minute, right up until I looked down and REALIZED I HAD A PENIS! Seriously this is NOT a horror movie! This is an angst ridden, Sylvia Plath version of a cross between Interview with a Vampire and The Notebook. Nobody with chest hair should be caught dead in this movie. If you want to see a REAL Werewolf movie then just hold out for The Wolfman, with Benicio Del Toro. Now THAT will be a good werewolf movie!

Ninja Assassin: What? A movie that is ALL ABOUT Ninjas? Well now we are talking! Cartoonish violence, seizure inducing camera work, bad acting, and ANIMATED BLOOD? Could you ask for a better movie?

Well that settles it! I am going to sit down with my artery clogging popcorn, and my sugar laden soft drink, and enjoy me some Ninjas! At least that is what I would do in a perfect world, but....

Actually the truth is I have a child to take with me this weekend, so I will probably end up watching Old Dogs. Sucks to be me sometimes.

However I also have Netflix, so you just know I will probably watch every single one of these from the comfort of my office/entertainment center.

Well, except for Twilight:"Oh my God! That wolf just read my diary!", THAT one I will skip.