1) Any gift, no matter how cheap or inappropriate, is better than a gift card. Even a gift card worth a hundred dollars is still an insignificant piece of plastic that cries out "I don't know, or care, enough about you to spend any time trying to find something I know you will like. Here just take this and buy it your own damn self!"
2) No matter how many adults you invite, or how much alcohol they consume, NOBODY has a better time at Christmas than the children. To the two year old in the room EVERY present belongs to her, and the wrapping paper and the box are just as exciting as the present itself.
Today I saw a two year old pull every beautiful pink and purple princess dress out of the decorative box they came in and climb right in and close the lid. Now when was the last time YOU ever loved a gift that much? Loved it so much that even the BOX IT CAME IN was the coolest thing you ever got?
3) No matter how hard you try to keep your little boy from playing with guns you are going to lose. Hell to a little boy EVERYTHING is a gun!
Lego's, become guns. Tinkertoy's become guns. Action figures become guns. I once saw a five year old boy make a gun out of toothpicks and tiny marshmallows!
For God's sake if a boy can bend three fingers, and point with the other, while holding up his thumb, HE can play with a gun!
Trust me you cannot win. Just make sure to buy them guns that are not realistic looking enough to get them shot by local law enforcement and let them run wild. Chances are they will not grow up to be a killer or a bank robber. Besides I think those kids grew up to be criminals because they were NOT allowed to play with guns. I am just saying.
4) And finally in the future really try to remember NOT to call your brother's newest girlfriend/wife, by the name of his LAST girlfriend/wife.
Sure as soon as she realizes that he is a raging alcoholic, with a recurring STD, and the emotional maturity of dryer lint she is going to dump his ass so fast that he will not even have time to start saving up to have the tattoo of her name removed from his left man boob, but there is no reason YOU should hurry the process along.
Let him believe for just one shining moment that he can actually have the kind of relationship he sees in the movies between Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. A relationship built on wacky misunderstandings and humorous one liners, instead of the one built on exaggerated statements concerning his prowess in the bedroom and his potential earning power, that is about to blow up in his face.
Well good night my friends, I hope you had a wonderful holiday break and a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Super Saturnalia, or Kwazy Kwanzaa. Tomorrow it is back to work digging up those elusive facts, chasing those gossipy tidbits, and holding my ex-governor accountable just like she asked me to lo those many, many months ago.
have a great night, Gryphen!
ReplyDeleteWow, did you really attend the most dysfunctional holiday celebration ever or are you making a funny?
ReplyDeleteHope that your day was not actually exemplary of all of the Xmas horrors that you wrote about!!! I do have to add that PetDad was not allowed to have guns when he was a child but did exactly as you said and made a gun from a stick!
Boys will be boys and men will be men and that is one of the things that makes me most happy in life :-)
I had no idea my next door neighbor was your uncle. Please keep him off my porch.
ReplyDeletespeaking of Christmas present boxes...
ReplyDeletehttp://icanhascheezburger.com/2009/12/25/funny-pictures-present-evur/
The best part of Christmas, or any holiday at all, is the joy and wonder of my granddaughters. They are still innocent and filled with wonder and curiosity. Their joy makes my day brighter.
ReplyDeleteGift Cards: My family likes them--certain ones for certain people. My daughter always has "Card for Outback" on her wish list. I always have Starbucks on mine. And usually, we get them :)
Grif, no matter what topic you're writing about, you're right on the money as usual!
ReplyDeleteHow's this for the wrong wife name thing? Last night at dinner my mother called my 78-year-old uncle's new wife by the name of his old DEAD wife. Yikes! (More amazing, who the heck remarries at 78?)
We had five children between the ages of 2 and 5 at our celebration and nobody but had more fun than they did.
I would have preferred a gift card. In a classic case of gift giving amnesia, my brother gave me the exact same gift he'd given me two years ago. Same brand, same packaging, everything.
And how's this for a precious Christmas memory worthy of David Sedaris: I found a rare 35mm negative of my grandpa and me when I was a baby. (There are very few pictures of my dad's dad in our family archives or of me at that age.) I had the photo printed up at a professional/fine art photo lab, framed it and gave it to my dad today .
He opens it up, is in awe of seeing this rare picture of his dad and then says: WHO'S THE BABY?
WTF dad, it's ME! Merry Christmas!
My five year old granddaughter passed up the pads of paper I gave her and started coloring the cardboard box. Kids can be so pure.
ReplyDeleteI don't usually disagree with your observations Gryphen, but I'm afraid I must this time. Gift cards - my absolutely favorite gift, when they are from my favorite book store. That is my number one request for birthday, Christmas, whatever presents.
ReplyDeleteWellll, this year I bought a Target gift card for the son of my longtime cleaning lady. He is a day laborer and hasn't found any work lately, which has him down. Usually I gift-wrap cash for his mom and tuck it into a religious card in her language, but this year I thought a gift might cheer him up a little, and a Target just opened in their neighborhood.
ReplyDeleteAnd clf? Who remarries at age 79? My father. He's been widowed twice, and each time he's remarried promptly. He's used to being looked after, you see, and being in reasonable health and finances... well, men like that in his age bracket are vastly outnumbered. Still haven't met the little bride.
After years of pressure from me, Mr. B finally managed to discontinue the utterly unnecessary gift potlatch among his sibs. I always knocked myself out trying to find something nice for each Person Who Already Has Everything, and what came back baffled us and (much worse) hurt the kids' feelings. One of my SILs--affluent, a shopaholic, and typically with TERRIFIC taste--gave me the same extremely minor checkout-lane tchotchke three years in a row. The kind of thing I'd get her would be a sweater from Saks.
Who needs it? The absence of those packages and the awkward, throat-clearing, "Well! Imagine that," upon opening them: Priceless.
A gift card can be alright for a shopper, if you know where he/she likes to shop.
ReplyDeleteI don't like gift cards either..
ReplyDeletebut I don't think they are always given with that intent
The "teens" in my family like them... but, I know it seems WORSE.. but I prefer to give CASH with a note (for a new XBOX game, ect...)
I think Gift cards are money wasters.. I'm cheap.. but first they cost money to buy... then, we never use them until their last dime runs out so there is always $10 stuck on there you forget about... so the gift card ends up costing about $15
I say take the time to create and envelope, write a note, draw a picture or cut out a photo, and stuff cash in it.. NOW if the person uses it for gas money oh welly
At least the greedy gift card makers aren't making a bunch of money off it
You can also get creative with getting money in other ways.. wrap each bill in a different box, take a photo of something and make a puzzle out of it and wrap the pieces in different boxes.. they have to put all the pieces together to see where the boxes are hid.. just stuff like that
anyhoo i'm cheap
Anon@ 3:01 AM...
ReplyDeleteI did something similar to your suggestion for my son. His iPhone's screen shattered a couple of months ago, just after his warranty expired of course, and every time I tried to go to the Apple store to get him a gift card they sell for iPhone purchases it was mobbed. So, I printed a picture of the new iPhone and put that and cash in a card. He got a kick out of it, too!
I received some gift cards for the movie theater close to my home and I loved that gesture. Especially since I know they were thinking of me when they went there to purchase them.
Hope everyone's holiday was a lovely one.
Ft. Apache was the BEST present ever. My childhood buddy keeps reminding me of that from 40 years ago!
ReplyDeleteYes, LOL Gryphen.
ReplyDeleteMy sister said, "I didn't even get any gifts I hate this year!" There have been times she gave the gifts back before she left.
My nephews (ages 9 and 11) spent the entire day saying bad words, to which my sister responded -oh, she just ignores them as they call one another and grandma f--ng retards and other such holiday nicities. I am anxious to see how they turn out. Yikes.
And every holiday my brothers ex-wifes name comes up somehow. On thanksgiving the new wife asked, "Where did you get this fabulous filling recipe..." uh, yep, twas from the ex-wife. LOL, the new wife is using it anyway!
You just cannot make the real life stuff up.
Coloring the box, I loved that!
And what is it with candles and smelly bath cream? We got 5 different candles and a variety of smelly bath products, including Axe for the hubby -the worst smelling product ever created!
ReplyDeleteIs this a fad or a hint that we and our home stink to high heaven?
And mugs, we must have 50 of them, got 4 more for xmas. Yeah, I love coffee, but come on! At least these are the huge mugs I can fill to the brim with 1/2 the pot. But how do I get rid of the rest? Each has a memory, or was a special gift. Maybe next year someone can get me a mug cabinet? Now that'd be a great and much needed gift!
A friend of mine got his wife a new trash can for her Xmas gift. He said it was shiny and therefore it would pass for bling-bling.
ReplyDeleteanon @ 5:14
ReplyDeleteSeveral of the local restaurants in our area have mug racks. Where the locals bring their own mugs and display them on a rack. When the local farmer visits the restaurant, he picks up his mug and uses it for the meal. The restaurant washes the mug after the meal and returns it to the rack.
I don't mind gift cards at all. I'd rather have a gift card than a present that show no thought that I would re-gift anyway.
ReplyDeleteHi Everyone!
ReplyDeletepeace and peace and good health and peace to all.
Gryphen, thanks for the blog, hoping you and the others put the final nail in Palins coffin this coming year.
So true about boys and guns. Before we married my now husband and I seriously discused how there will be NO TOY GUNS in our house for future kids to play with. We were so full of ourselves. Out pop two boys in 16 months and well, now our basement playroom looks like a gun arsenal. After they initally turned fingers, wrapping paper rolls, spoons, their cousins' BARBIES into guns, we relented and bought the toy guns.So funny.
lol Dont feed the trolls turns to cottage chesse thighs!!! Good one.
Uhh....no kids in this house so Christmas is when we eat all day. Today we go shopping for stuff on sale. Boring, but I know I'm getting the Hangover to watch again and again.
ReplyDeleteGryphen, all I can say is you must have had a very interesting Christmas!
ReplyDeleteI also disagree about the gift cards. My son loves Subway cards and his girlfriend loves Starbucks (but I can't get her those anymore because she works there!). They're simply good for that person "who has everything," and you simply cannot figure out what they want or need.
Anon at 5:29: Bling bling trash can! ROFLMAO!
When my son was a toddler, he didn't care about the actual presents. But the boxes! Oh how he had fun with the boxes. They became forts and spaceships and cars and you name it!
I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas and I look forward to reading more on your blog, Gryph!
Yesterday I looked at my husband and said that it would absolutely be the very last time we spent time with my extended family at Christmas. We are all but completely ignored there, despite our attempts to be cheerful and friendly. I'm done having my holiday ruined this way. Next year it is just the 5 of us at home, plus my mother, Lord willing, and that is that. Why do the holidays do this to us? I know, do away with the expectations! Thanks for letting me vent! Happy New Year, all!
ReplyDeleteMornin gyph!
ReplyDeleteMy son, whom by the way you have postively influenced in a camp, long long ago, loves gift cards! It is kind of like his "I can blow this money on anything I want in this store!". When he got his new Jeep, I got him a gift card to a jeep accessory store. When he got his first place, I got him a gift card to a place that sells dishes and stuff like that. He likes them and tells me so. However it does depend on the person.
My grand childrens favorite Christmas gift? A cardboard box castle. Made out of colored duct tape, numerous boxes and occupies half the garage! There is sleeping bags, flashlights, push button LED lights, radio and cd player, glow in the dark stars, tiny tables and chairs, a match box car track to roll cars on, a remote control truck to move things back and forth between the many cubbies, a kitchen where cookies are served, a turret which serves as a look out and some plants in front of the picture windows.
It took me about 5 evenings, 14 rolls of purple and grey duct tape, two rectangle tables, 4 cans of yellow spray paint, scraps of shag carpet and lots of fun ! The match box car track is the best!
Yuppers, that is where the grandkids are now! In the card board castle!
In a few hours, I'm gonna load up the remote controlled truck with homemade blueberry muffins and coco, then drive it into the structure.
Christmas, for me, a workin grandma, is a time to play. Thank god for grandkids!
Sarahin2012 - would you please tell us WHY Sarah Palin would be a good president?
ReplyDeleteI really would not mind hearing competent, clear-thinking analysis about Ms Palin and her views. Instead of posting drivel, please tell us why you support Ms Palin. We here are not at all shy on saying why we DON'T support Ms Palin. I think we'd all appreciate a sound posting on Ms Palin and her political views.
I'm not kidding. I am just asking you to justify your support of Ms Palin. Who knows, you may change some minds here.
Gryphen,
ReplyDeleteyou make me think about the "crazy aunt" that used to spend my childhood xmas's at our house. You no the kind that spent all day saying passive-aggressive things to my mom about the food, house, etc....
One yr when I was about 11 my Dad had had enough!! Before dinner he made an announcement...that since Mom and Grandma had tried and apparently failed to cook xmas dinner properly all these yrs that next year we would ALL (45 people) be going to aunt Marys house!!
Crazy Aunt Mary spent ALL DAY backpeddling and was quiet the next year and every year after.
Families can be crazy, but you sure miss them when you aren't with them. Most of my family were across the country.
We had our own with my sons family friends and 6 serviceman from the area base. We had "adopted" our serviceman at Thankgiving and they all accepted an invitation back at xmas...but I did get them gift cert. (yikes, I didn't know what they needed and thought they could better pick it out) They somehow enjoyed themselves in the mist of our semi-crazy household, granddaughter walked for the first time!!! (10 months old --all the way across the room holding on to the dogs tail) My grandson bouncing all over, extra friends kiddos running all over, a strange mix of Texas BBQ, cajun and traditional foods and of course the dogs running in and out also too.
I'm sure even if they were away from home, they at least got to see that their families were probably normal compared to ours :)
A late merry Christmas to all!
ReplyDeleteJust me and my parents this year, and it couldnt've been better.
CR 46, when I read stories like this, I am grateful for our just-the-five-of-us holidays that we celebrate, more often than not.
ReplyDeleteFor years (until the practice switched) I had a doctor who was like the younger brother I never had. In addition to being a super, wise, dedicated physician, we would dish about our families. He told me a heartbreaking story: His mom had never held a paying job, raised one child, and that was her life. No problem, except... she constantly gave her daughter-in-law (then the mother of two young children and a full-time doctoral student) a hard time about not being an all-out, from-scratch cook. The family was unbelievably attractive, fit, and healthy, my doctor always seemed to have fruits and yogurts on his desk for lunch, and his wife was more an "assembler"--roast chicken, salads, etc.--than a Bake-Off Contestant. So what's the problem, lady?
One Easter, the doctor's extremely impressed children were saying, "Don't we have the cleverest mummy!? She made a reservation and got the very last ham at the Honey-Baked Ham store! Yay, Mom!" And the poor DIL got a loud lecture at table about not scoring and clove-studding and massaging with brown sugar her own ham, yadda yadda...! I told my doctor that with all respect, his mother should just shove it, and be grateful for such a fine family. He passed on the word, and his wife CRIED.
I used to agree with your viewpoint of gift cards because I really dislike presents that clearly took no thought at all. BUT, my cousin lives in Canada and shipping is so expensive that a $30 gift doubles in price since shipping's $30. I started appreciating gift cards!
ReplyDeleteThis year, there was a real item I wanted to get them because it has to do with their hobby. I figured a new way to get around the shipping problem that wasn't an option just a few years ago -- I went to Canada's online Sears and bought something there. That way, the shipping was "within" the country (though their taxes are horrendous -- WHY does anyone in the US want to follow Canada's medical system???).
However, his wife sends us such generic gifts (hand lotion/shower gel and an inspirational book) that I'd really, really rather have a Barnes and Noble gift card!
I kinda object to #1.
ReplyDeleteFor years of Christmases in a row, I'd give away the presents from my sister-in-law because they were just plain useless to me. My sister and Mother would get the extra gift, with promises not to tell. I'd thank my sister-in-law for the lovely gift.
At some point they changed tactics. I started receiving Home Depot gift cards which I needed and used. Yes, I bought a planer, but I remember it as a Christmas gift from my brother and sister-in-law because I used their gift card to buy it.
This year I got a gift cart to Michaels. My Mother must have told her that I'm crocheting again and buying yarn at Michaels. Yarn is really something you have to buy for yourself.
And have I mentioned that my brother and sister-in-law live across the country in Florida?
Mailing a gift card is a lot more cost effective than paying the big bucks for a flat rate shipping box, which is what I did.
In my case, a gift card is much more thoughtful than a cheap, inappropriate piece of **** or something I'm going to end up giving away or regifting.
I gave my sister's husband a gift card to Vons. I did it because he likes to grill and they can get steaks, ribs or whatever for a nice BBQ. I gift card is better than trying to wrap a roast.
I think I'm late to this party, but a funny story to share about boys and their guns.
ReplyDeleteI am ultra-liberal, pacifist mom. I have two boys who shoot everything in sight.
The 6 year old's Christmas list?
an AK-47
a potion holder (me: What??? him: you know, something to hold my potions.)
and...a chalkboard to write my plans on.
Nice to know my progressive, latte-drinking elite womb grew the next unabomber!
Gift cards are very useful when your only son has moved 2800 miles away and you really don't know what they want- and he won't tell you.
ReplyDeleteThey're also very useful when your daughter says, "Ever since I had the baby I haven't had anything new to wear because all the money goes for things he needs. I wish I could go shopping for myself."
Also? Easy to regift. My daughter also got the gift certificate my MIL- her grandmother- gave to me. She is delighted, and I promised to babysit so she can go out and spend time and money on herself.
Ivy
I'll take all of the gift cards nobody wants.
ReplyDeleteThis year, we were left begging, borrowing and nearly stealing to provide a Christmas for our kids.
So you can donate them to my children, who would be more than happy to have gifts and dinner.
Funny G: Yes my son turns his cats into guns...one is a shotgun the other a gatling gun...it is pretty funny until the cats get sick of it and squirm out of his hands. they do put up with it for a few 'rounds'...
ReplyDeleteHope everyone had a great Christmas!
ReplyDeleteI'd like to add my thanks to Gryphen for this blog, and for his role in helping to expose ex-Gov Cheesy Thighs for the fraud that she is. I shudder to think where this country might be at today if all we had to rely on for information was the MSM. Thank God the truth about her is finally being revealed, even if it is just one layer at a time.
Can't wait to see what new shockers you have in store for us, though I can't imagine being surprised by anything she's done, given what we already know she is capable of.
Here's to the rest of the world coming to know the little shop of horrors as well as we do, and to Gryphen for his tireless contributions to the cause.
I like gift cards...if someone knows you like to read, they can give you one for the bookstore...or one for grocery's like Trader Joes...!
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand...I don't think anything is better than nothing...My Son was telling me yesterday how his uncle and aunt (his Dad's side) gave him TWO cans of planter's mixed nuts??? WTF???
I think a nice card would of been better than something you would set out at a cocktail party??? Oh and he had given them a $50. gift card to Trader Joes!!!
I think the nuts was a pretty thoughtless gift. Love the stories here this morning... Families...gotta love 'em!
I don't mind getting gift cards, but I rarly get them for others. A gift is more meaningful if some thought goes into it.
ReplyDeleteKids really do know how to enjoy thmeselves at Christmas, and they come up with the funniest things!
We bought a couple who are just starting out, a basket of things for the bathroom, towels, soap pumps, rugs, toothbrush holders etc etc.
As they were busy opening each gift, their 5 year old boy was busy ripping the gift tissue into strips using a straight edge.
Later, when asked, he said we forgot toilet paper, so he made some! We couldn't stop laughing!
Merry Christmas!