The Bowling Proprietors' Association of America (BPAA), the bowling industry's leading trade association, announced today that the bowling industry rolled a strike, securing Sarah Palin as the keynote speaker at this summer's International Bowl Expo 2010.Now we are talking! I knew it would not be much longer before Palin had burned most of her bridges as a speaker by not showing up as promised. (And disappointing the rest when she DID show up. Sorry couldn't resist!)
No more invitations to speak at large Republican conventions, or $1,000 a plate fundraisers for GOP candidates, or to participate in important gatherings of the American conservative elite. Those days are over!
So now that Palin has properly identified her fan base she will be able to choose much more appropriate locations to display her "unique" speaking abilities.
Such as:
The opening of Burt's Fishing Tackle and Hair Care Emporium.
The keynote speaker at the first annual "Quitterball 2010!"
Giving the commencement speech to the graduates of Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Clown College.
Handing the trophy to the winner of the 40th Annual Demolition Derby in Wasatch County, Utah
Delivering a congratulatory speech to the new Imperial Wizard of the Knights of the Ku Klux Klan, in Arkansas.
You get the idea. So finally Palin does not have to do all of that preparation for a speech which will surely be analyzed and picked apart by political pundits and bloggers. She can simply stand before her hand picked, sympathetic audience and allow the crazy to pour out until her mouth dries out and she has to run backstage for a Red Bull energy drink and a full body massage from Meg Stapleton. (I do believe this is the only service Meg is asked to provide anymore.)
(My apologies to any KKK clown college graduate, demolition driving, fishermen who may have been offended by my remarks. I am sure YOU are much too classy to EVER attend a Sarah Palin speech.)
(H/T to Bree Palin for link.)
This is just too, too rich! I guess it's true, water will eventually seek it's own level. You've really leveled off, Scarah. Can't wait to see the Photoshopped images of her as a "lifetime" bowler. Gee, I wonder if the media will be barred from this speech, too? Bwaaaa-haaaa!
ReplyDeleteMy father was retired military AND a lifelong bowling league member. (He passed away.) I KNOW he would have been disgusted with her appearances at Ft. Bragg and Ft. Hood. Now this?
ReplyDeleteIf you have $100,000 plus expenses for the entire WasillaHillbilly famliy, then she will speak.
ReplyDeleteIsn't that the only criteria?
"full body massage from Meg Stapleton" CLASSIC!
ReplyDeleteWhat's she gonna talk about? She can't give a political speech; it'll be a mixed DEM/GOP audience. "Quitters Never Wi-oops, Winners Never Qui . . . oh, never mind."
ReplyDeleteIn my time I've attended a number of conferences who have had keynote speakers. Normally these people have interesting things to say. SP says the same old thing all the time. She has not done anything compelling, historical or significant in her life. Oh maybe getting elected as Governor of Alaska but she QUIT. Oh maybe running as a McCain's VP candidate but she has whined and talked that episode in her otherwise uneventful life to death. She has nothing new to say and I sure hope the fee they're paying her reflects that. I wouldn't pay to hear her speak -- she's boring.
ReplyDeleteLuna from Canada
With Palin speaking to the Bowling Proprietors' Association of America (BPAA), does this mean that she has her own balls?
ReplyDeleteGryphen, I think that you have overlooked an obvious whole new target audience for Palin’s speechifyin.’ Consider the following very real gatherings which seem to be destined by God to have Sarah Palin as their keynote speaker:
- Texas Animal Manure Management Issues Conference (Wow, it’s about shit AND it’s in Texas. How appropriate.)
- The Midwest Manure Summit
- The Livestock Manure Management Conference
- The Manure, Nutrient, and Renewable Energy Workshops
- The AgSTAR Program Conference on Anaerobic Digestion of Animal Wastes
I think that there is also a strong possibility that she could be awarded an honorary doctorate from the Manure Management Program at Cornell University!* After all, who has spread more manure across this country than Sarah Palin? Excuse me, Dr. Sarah Palin. (That’s Dr. Shit to you, Gryphen!) How’s that for instantly burnishing her academic credentials! Poof! - er, I mean - Plop! She’s a Dr.!
One of the topics studied at Cornell’s Turd College (C.T.C.) is “Manure Storage.” Again, who do you know that is capable of personally containing more manure between her ears than Sarah Palin? She is full of the stuff! She exudes it everywhere she goes! Who could better personify the very stuff that they study at Turd College?
Maybe she could even become a lecturer! Dr. Palin, a full professor on the faculty at Cornell! I’ll bet the dean of C.T.C. is trying to get ahold of her bus or her plane as you read this!
You Sarah detractors, how do you feel now about Dr. Sarah Palin?
p.s. -
Gryphen, I love that picture of Palin above. It captures so much of the real Sarah.
* - Yes, the Manure Management Program at Cornell University is real:
http://www.manuremanagement.cornell.edu/default.html
Too funny...what a super freak. Maybe a clown rodeo is where she belongs.
ReplyDeletePoutrage!! Is that her normal off-camera expression? You betcha!!!!
ReplyDeleteIf this is Sarah's trajectory, I'd say she's moving in the right direction (but we can drop the KKK fest).
ReplyDeleteLOL! When I saw this I thought the same thing, lol!
ReplyDeleteShe's really hit the big times...!
Hope she stays....down there!
That's my very favorite picture of the ex gov... it was taken prior to the "work" she had done. "What a strong jaw you have Grandmother said Little Red Riding Hood to the big bad wolf". Bowling sounds like a good gig & to think she still has openings on her schedule.
ReplyDeleteDoes anybody know where Todd is? Does he ever say anything is support of his kookoo wife these days, or has he had enough?
ReplyDeleteIn bowling parlance this is just in the approach phase. Still to come is the delivery and rollout which in this case is guaranteed to be a "gutterball".
ReplyDeleteIsn't she already speaking to a bunch of lumberjacks sometime this winter? Perhaps she could also speak to builders, i.e. roofers since Todd has so much experience in that area, and construction groups about how Todd and she built their miracle house for mere pennies.
ReplyDeleteBowling? Lordy Lord love a duck - go figure! Guess the reputable speaking gig requests are not flooding in. Poor Miss Wasilla Hillbilly...NOT!
ReplyDeleteWonder if she will let TawdtheBod off the roof so he can appear in Vegas, too?
ReplyDeleteOMG! what's next? Maybe she can talk about the pros and cons of botox.
ReplyDeleteLMAO!! Sarah's "star" is rapidly falling ( and I couldn't be happier).
ReplyDeleteI knew this would be the next step down for her, look to the last few weeks
only a few hundred people at each book signing
We keep hearing about "thousands" of speaking engagements, but there never seemed to be many at all.
And now she will speak at a BOWLING CONVENTION!! This is priceless!!
I think more than a few of the thinking people(not that I like the way they think) in the GOP are done with Sarah.
Sarah's main problem is that all SHE ever was was a GOP STAGE PROP! They are treating her the way she treats "her" props, its just so appropriate that it is hysterical!
That's the way to strike out into mainstream American... people still bowl?
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to the bowling ball endorsments along with those ever so popular polyester shirts [chaffe chaffe...gaffe gaffe, it's all the same]
Look at the eyes. The essence of Sarah. The mouth/jaw just distracts from that.
ReplyDeleteWow, gasman, you nailed it, she's full of shit and that's all she's capable of talking about!
ReplyDeleteIt's getting more interesting everyday.
Just a little reminder:
ReplyDeleteSarah Palin was not pregnant in 2008 and is not the birth mother of Trig Palin.
I know.
She finally found her niche.
ReplyDeleteI hope she goes to hell and takes her hillbilly trailer park family with her, dad included. (Sorry, but I'm particularly effing annoyed with her "bullcrap" today with her FB post taking credit for Obama's decision and just for being the waste of human life that she is).
I continue to be amazed at that photo of Sarah.
ReplyDeleteThis is a person with some major anger, and only limited ability to control it.
No politician of any worth, who aspires to high office, would hang that kind of face out for the press to record for posterity.
That would be KU Klux Klan, not KLU.
ReplyDeleteDoes the BPAA know that Sarah may wait till they spend money on their promo and then pull a no show?
ReplyDeleteI am just amazed that these orgainzations that book her don't have a penalty clause. Not just a you get no check, but a you owe us for our expenses and a % penalty since we have to hire somebody at the last minute and have limited choices and no time to bargain their price down.
OMG, boy did I need that laugh today! Sarah, congratulations. I knew you would find your true calling if you just keep trying. But as AKM questioned "Do they make Naughty Monkey Bowling Shoes"? Too, too priceless.
ReplyDeleteI know the weatherman here in the KC metro area said our sudden frigid spell was due to an el nino in Mexico, but once the regular news came on I discovered the real reason for the suddenly plummeting temperature -- Palin will be in Missouri this week! OMG, she brings havoc wherever she goes!
ReplyDeleteIt's actually colder now for progressives and moderates - we are more sensitive to shifts downward and backward. Here's hoping the weather returns to a more seasonal, er, moderate mode as soon as she moves on. Sarah - a force (negative) of nature.
I hope one of those bowlers sticks his fingers in three of Palin’s orifices and rolls her down the alley.
ReplyDeleteanon 9:09 Full body massage with happy ending!
ReplyDeletePalin + bowlers + Vegas = priceless :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Gryphen!
I TRIED to duplicate that expression of hers. It's near impossible!
ReplyDeleteThere simply must be some miscommunicationifying going on with this gig. Did she think she was speaking to a BP (British Petroleum) convention?
ReplyDeleteWhatever did happen to Megletongue? I kinda miss her press releases; they were so tart and wicked.
Palin when asked about the 7-10 pin split replied it was all just a blog rumor.
ReplyDeleteShe went on to say that they had a great marriage and added, have you seen ten pin?
Gonna be a lot of balling at this convention.Perfect fit.
ReplyDeleteyes don't you love that shot. I always wondered what it was that Cindy McCain said to her to get that sour look.
ReplyDeletePerhaps when she is done exhausting all of her options ("I was BUILDING that Bridge before I BURNED it!")she can take over Michael D. "Brownie" Brown's (Hurricane Katrina/FEMA_ old shtick as Judges and Stewards Commissioner for the International Arabian Horse Association.
ReplyDeleteDo you think she can handle it? Or will she 'shoot the horses'?
Heckuva job, there, Sarie. . .
I can't even begin to imagine what kind of speech she might give to the BPAA.
ReplyDeleteOh wait a sec---she'll no doubt cancel, so there won't be a speech!
I hope she knows what a "split" is!
ReplyDeleteSerious;y????after her TRIUMPHANT Bus for them/jet for me tour she must be getting gigs left and right to (a-hem) SPEAK??? Is this a joke?
ReplyDeleteWill she do the NO CAMERAS, NO PRESS thing here too....she will NEVER SHOW UP TO THIS!!!!
Sarah Palin/Fabio 2012!
So, how are things going here at the "Minority" (very appropriately named by the way). To keep you up to speed on what's happening in the universe outside of your collective Palin obsession, as you recall France's President Sarkozy suggested our president lived in a fairytale world if he believed international nuclear disarmament was a possibility.
ReplyDeleteIn the U.K, military leaders flat out said our president was a liability to the Afghanistan war effort and today this from "Der Spiegel", Germany's premier and internationally respected magazine:
"Obama's Magic No Longer Works" (writing about last night's not-quite-Winston-Churchill moment)
"...In this case, the public was more disturbed than entertained. Indeed, one could see the phenomenon in a number of places in recent weeks: Obama's magic no longer works. The allure of his words has grown weaker.
It is not he himself who has changed, but rather the benchmark used to evaluate him. For a president, the unit of measurement is real life. A leader is seen by citizens through the prism of their lives -- their job, their household budget, where they live and suffer. And, in the case of the war on terror, where they sometimes die.
Political dreams and yearnings for the future belong elsewhere. That was where the political charmer Obama was able to successfully capture the imaginations of millions of voters. It is a place where campaigners -- particularly those with a talent for oration -- are fond of taking refuge. It is also where Obama set up his campaign headquarters, in an enormous tent called "Hope."
In his speech on America's new Afghanistan strategy, Obama tried to speak to both places. It was two speeches in one. That is why it felt so false. Both dreamers and realists were left feeling distraught.
The American president doesn't need any opponents at the moment. He's already got himself."
Back to you, Katie.
Was the one day "Trig" baby bump actually a bowling ball? This explains the endorsement!
ReplyDeleteI find the whole bowling convention thing to be slightly hilarious, also, too, but can we remember that actually, lots of people LIKE bowling? I mean, I've never bowled in my life, and I could fill a book with the list of sports I've never tried, but bowlers themselves are probably pretty decent people. Most people are, after all. They're not necessarily trashy, just as people who live in trailers aren't necessarily trash.
ReplyDeleteOTOH, I love the fact that she's had "thousands of speaking invitations"- and she's not being asked to speak at any more international financier meetings, is she? Talk about a falling star!
Ivyfree
That photo capture the sentiment of this poem by Christina Rossetti.
ReplyDeleteI do not look for love that is a dream-
I only seek for courage to be still;
To bear my grief with an unbending will.
And when I am a-weary not seem.
And, though young spring and summer pass away,
And though my soul, being tired of its pain.
Pass from the ancient earth, and though my clay Return to dust, my tongue shall not complain;-
No man shall mock me after this my day.
-------
This made me laugh
ReplyDeletehttp://www.slowpokecomics.com/strips/terminatrix.html
Gollum is looking for the ring again. He went all the way to Splitville, but Sarah had already left.
ReplyDeleteHave you seen Todd?
Get over yourself. I don't think we need to turn to the British, or the German and French press either, to get a clear picture of where Obama stands in the US. Please. I travel there all the time and their views are not particularly critical at this moment, sorry. I think most people here understand President Obama was handed an unbelievable amount of garbage from his predecessor, and it's going to take time to clean it up. That speech last night was not going to please everyone, in fact he knew it might end up pleasing no one, most of all himself. He's not his own opponent, he's doing the best he can with the fallout from the Bush nightmare.
ReplyDeleteTo Anon at 2:10, this thread is about Sarah Palin. You are a minority here. The rest of us are on topic. When the topic is about President Obama that is what we discuss. Please try to stay focused and stay on topic. Back to you.
ReplyDeleteHer speech to the bowling convention will only last through the first frame and then she will quit.
ReplyDeleteAnon 2:10:
ReplyDeleteYou just don't get it.
Compared to McCain/Palin, Obama/Biden was the ONLY hope for change. A year later, $arah is still using the same talking points (except for those times when she lies)that all the Gop's are using.
They have offered no real answers to any of the issues. No numbers, No ideas, just No.
Palins answers to fixing anything is "Common Sense". What exactly is that? If it was anything like what Bush was using, why are we in such a mess now? It obviously didn't work.
For those who expected President Obama to fix this mess the first year of his term are as crazy as $arah.
IF McCain/Palin had been elected, gays would have to head back into the closet and hope that Palin wouldn't push for the same kind of punishment that they are seeking in Uganda (don't get fooled, Cstreet have been flying there to help their secret coalition push this law in Uganda. Even Rick Warrens doesn't see the problem with that law).
Minorities would be sitting back in the bus again and we would be forced to endure Palins witchcraft religion (Guess she doesn't believe the part in the Bible that talks of Freewill).
Got a better plan or do you just talk?
My all-time favorite picture of Palin.
ReplyDeleteAnon @ 2:10
ReplyDeleteYour words resonate as though they are coming from someone filled with a deep and dark emptiness--as if you are lost somewhere in your own shadow and are afraid to look in the direction of the sun.
It's sad, really.
Signed: Katie
...what's happening in the universe outside of your collective Palin obsession, as you recall France's President Sarkozy suggested our president lived in a fairytale world...
ReplyDeleteI'm SOOOOO glad you reminded me!
Wasn't it Sarah Palin, the ignorant, ladder-climbing, diplomatically naive 2008 Republican vice-presidential candidate who thought -- in her fantasy world of believing SHE was running against Senator Obama -- that the head of state of a foreign country would contact her days BEFORE the U.S. election?
Even if contacting candidates for high office was diplomatically correct, Palin in her fantasy apparently never realized the President of France would be calling the Presidential candidate, not her...
Seven minutes of Palin's mindless giggling probably did more to tank the McCain campaign than anything else she did.
Who's turn is it to change the kitty litter?
ReplyDeleteThat, also, too, remains my favorite photo of Sarah Palin!
ReplyDeleteIgnore Anon 2:10, she apparently has the same Katie "girlie" crush the Ex Guv from Alaska seems to have.
Name the Movie:
"I'd have to go to a bowling alley to find a woman of your stature" Sir John Gielgud (to Liza Minelli)
high heel bowling shoes at www.strikingproducts.com
ReplyDeleteAnon @ 2:10 is part of the imbecilic sheeple flock who mindlessly bleat when their masters FauxNews, Limbaugh, and Palin tell them to.
ReplyDeleteBaaaah. Baaaah.
Anon @ 2:10 is a teabagger troll ignoratomus if ever there was one. Spewing out meaningless, unsupportable, fictional bile while extolling Sarah Palin's nonexistent virtues.
I defy Anon @ 2:10 to produce a single extemporaneous utterance of Palin's that makes a damn bit of sense on ANY subject. During last year's campaign, she couldn't even get the facts straight about Alaska's energy production and policies. THAT was arguably the one subject she should have known SOMETHING about, but she didn't.
Anon @ 2:10, you can remain veiled in your self imposed fog of ignorance and stupidity if you so choose, but don't expect that you'll be able to come onto to this site and bully people with your bellicose numbskull b.s., because the folks here are too well informed. The Alaskans here are especially hip to Palin's idiocy even if you are not.
Palin is a moronic inarticulate clod who attracts other morons the way that shit attracts flies.
I'm curious Anon @ 2:10; are you attracted to Sarah Palin?
Oh, I think we have to give Sarah a break on this one. She probably thought BPAA stands for "Bible Prophesizing America's Armageddon."
ReplyDeleteCareful Americans...look at the pattern: small towns for book signings, small venues for 'speeches', etc. This may the grand plan...build her following by going directly to the people, etc. in smaller, out-of-the-way places, where the people don't usually see such 'stars'.
ReplyDeleteYou can see how she draws the folks who see themselves as 'ordinary' and see Quittypants as 'just like' them.
I think it's wise to not denigrate the people/venues she speaks at. It only gives her more power.