Friday, November 12, 2010
I think it is about time that people started to equate how our government treats the LGBT community to the bullying they endure at the hands of their peers.
You know as the father of a gay child I can tell you first hand what it was like to see how society treats those they see as different. I held my daughter in my arms as she sobbed uncontrollably after being kicked out of the church she had attended for almost seven years, and after having the parents of all of her friends refuse to let her see them anymore.
All I could do was to tell her every single day, and in as many ways as possible, that I loved and accepted her just the way she was. I told her that there were some fights that I could not fight for her, but that every time she felt alone all she had to do was reach out and she would find my hand waiting to hold hers to give her strength.
I am happy to say that my daughter is in a very happy relationship, surrounded by people who love and support her, and that slowly the world is changing in her favor. Too damn slowly of course, but if we squint my daughter and I can see the light at the end of the dark painful tunnel.
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I saw the ad and thought it was excellent. I'm curious, though, who the people in the ad were. I recognised Cindy McCain, Denise Richards, and, I think, Hank Azaria and Ozzy Osborne.
ReplyDeleteWho were the others?
Please tell your daughter that there are very welcoming spiritual communities in the world (yes, I mean Christian as well). I am so sorry for her traumatic experience.
ReplyDeleteYou are absolutely correct that we need to hold this administration's feet to the fire on these issues. I think Obama means well, but he needs to have the courage of his convictions and perhaps risk political capital. Who cares, really? I want him to get a second term, but he himself has said that if he has to be a one term President he will accept that. (That being said, I hope he does better on PR and messaging.)
As a white American male, it was unlikely I'd ever experience any bullying or hassling about being "different."
ReplyDeleteUntil the late sixties, when it suddenly was okay for people of all types to yell right in my face that I should take a bath and cut my long hair...and move to some other country, if I didn't like Dick Nixon's version of Amerika.
Thing is, most of those like me, held our heads up high, convinced we were BETTER than those bigoted fools, and it was THEY who were slaves to money, and robotically following evil politicians like Tricky Dick, no matter how much it became apparent he was a lying cheat.
I only wish there was some way of helping those who are being bullied over sexual orientation (or any OTHER matter, that sets them apart) to realize that they, too, should be viewing themselves as the better class of human being; one NOT devoted to causing misery in the lives of others.
Kudos to you for your unconditional love and support for your daughter.
ReplyDeleteShame, shame, shame on those who rejected her for who she is.
It should not have taken so long.
Best wishes to you, your daughter, and all those who have walked into the light of the 21st century with an eagerness for equality and respect.
Bravo.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right on — it is time for this to stop and has been forever! Continue on.
ReplyDeletea great big thumbs up and strong support for that wonderful ad, for your support and love for your daughter, and for your daughter herself, for living her true self.
ReplyDeletei remember growing up in the 80's, before i was a teenager, i was terrified that i would "turn gay". there was so much derision of homosexuality coming from my catholic school friends, my father, and society as a whole. i couldn't imagine living my life under such difficult circumstances. i myself was not homophobic in the sense that i was afraid of lgbt folk. quite the contrary, i had and continue to have many lgbt friends i consider family, and have always loved them dearly. when i was young, though, outside influences made me homophobic in the sense that i was terrified of growing up gay and living a gay lifestyle in an environment/society hostile to it. living your true self, especially if you know your true self is going to be ostracized, mocked, discriminated against, is such a brave and important statement. i so applaud everyone, whether lbgt, hetero, and all inbetween, who have taken on that mantle, and i fully support lbgt folks as brothers and sisters who should enjoy the same rights as everyone else.
i hope the world moves its collective ass a little faster in understanding and embracing our lgbt brothers and sisters.
you go gryphen's daughter! i wish you every happiness.
Very cool.
ReplyDeleteI´m beginning to suspect your kiddo is very happy and came home to share some of her happiness with you.
Those people in the church behaved monstrously. Whoever encouraged or ignored their behavior was a poor spiritual counselor.
ReplyDeleteHow fortunate that your daughter had you in her life. I am so relieved that people are finally beginning to evolve their attitudes towards tolerance and understanding.
In a way, I think it is fitting that she has returned to you at a time when you yourself are being persecuted by those who follow rigid, narrow beliefs and a misguided (or demented) leader such as Sarah Palin. They view you as unacceptable and have tried bullying and casting you aside.
What goes around does come around. In your case, it is love and support.
Peace be with you and your daughter and all your loved ones, Gryphen. You all have earned it simply by being the decent, truth seeking people, supportive people you are.
I can't imagine loving another person with all my heart and having to keep it a secret.
ReplyDeleteCindy looks so beautiful and relaxed.I bet she isn't living with her bully husband any more.
Thank God for parents like you, Gryphen. When my brother's son told him he was gay, they were naturally concerned for him because they knew it was going to make life more difficult but never, not once, did anyone in our family ever think of rejecting my nephew because he was gay. He's been in a relationship with his partner for 18 years and they adopted 3 children, the youngest a little girl who is 2 and twin boys that are 4. They have a wonderful family and although it may not be what some bigots consider a "normal" family, they are quite happy. I can only hope and pray that with each generation we let go more and more of the hate and indifference we see towards others who are different.
ReplyDeleteThat was awesome!
ReplyDeleteMy "favorite" is the "Christian" who says "I know all sin is equal BUT..." and then makes some comment about gay people.
I want to remind them about specks and logs and treating their neighbor as they wish.. never mind. Deaf ears.
It something that only turnover in generations will solve.
Thanks for sharing. I went from someone who believed that all practicing homosexuals were going to hell years ago to someone who wouldn't bat an eye if one of my children were gay. I'd want for them the same thing I want for my other kids, that they'd be in a healthy, happy relationship, and that they have all of the rights and protections the rest of us enjoy.
ReplyDeleteI'm still a Christian, but my example now is Jesus himself, not all of the self-righteous jerks who claim to speak for him. There is hope and people do change.
Totally O/T: What is going on with Mercede's site? I cannot access it anymore...
ReplyDeleteThat day of enlightenment will come.
ReplyDelete{{{HUGGGZZZ}}} to you and your daughter, Gryphen!
ReplyDeleteOn a slightly related topic: Here is what research has shown about lesbians and their offspring ;) :
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/11/10/lesbians-child-abuse-0-percent_n_781624.html
Gryphen, no need to post... look at this picture of Trig. Is this the same ear? I thought other pictures showed a very distinctive double ridge horizontal in the middle of his ear..http://tlc.discovery.com/tv/sarah-palin-alaska/sneak-peek-photos/sneak-peek-photos-08.html.
ReplyDeleteStupid Supreme Court. I know we can't blame any entity for hate crimes and bullying, but it sucks that the govt chooses to set a horrid example. Cmon babyboomers and older, teach your children and gchildren to love all.
ReplyDeleteAmen. I have felt, especially in the last couple of years, that this is as important to us as a people as anything else in the whole mix. It is about doing what is right; and when it only directly involves us, it's not a concern for what is right but rather pure selfishness which we see way too much of these days.
ReplyDeletephoebes in santa fe - I can only help id one other person in the ad - Gene Simmons (from Kiss)
ReplyDeleteWow, Cindy McCain is very impressive when expressing her own views rather than standing by Stepford-like behind a much weaker man. She could be a powerful spokesperson. I like how outspoken her daughter is too.
ReplyDeleteBullying for any reason has to stop - and it's appalling that sometimes even when the parents of bullies are told about the incidents they seem to condone it.
ReplyDeleteWe have had to deal with it - but only a few times. We are an adoptive family - my daughter is from China. We have been fortunate to have very few incidents - but they still happen - just last week we were on a family outing with my daughter and a young friend - the two girls where ahead of us veiwing various aquarium exhibits (they are young teens, so old enough to not have to be right next to us every second) - any way - as my husband went to tell the girls we were going into the next exhibit room he passed a small group of boys from a school group laughing and making hurtful comments about my daughter. Being 6'1" all it too was one glaring look from my husband to send the boys running - when I heard about it I wanted to track down the boys' teacher or other adult on the school trip but we also didn't want to make a "big scene" and cause further embarassment - but I did quietly keep an eye for them in hopes of seeing them with adult in charge (but never did find the boys again).
We all have to do our part to help stop bullying in all it's forms and be supportive of children (and adults) who have been hurt by it.
I can't access WTF Alaska.
ReplyDeleteWe could start with a President that cares about gay people. Obama has done nothing for gay people. He could sign an executive order ending DADT, but instead he sicks his boy Eric Holder on the case to fight it.
ReplyDeleteHow in the world could anyone seriously think they have any right to tell someone else whom to love - or not to love?
ReplyDeleteMy husband's church is so mainstream on this that I had to get a separate FaceBook page lest my very different thoughts offend them-- I am more Democrat than Republican, so it isn't hard to offend them if I stray. I also quit going to that church. My husband goes, but I am more UU.
ReplyDeleteAll the best to the Gryphon Chick! I am glad that she is in a great relationship-- I was pretty disgusted when I realized from a lesbian friend that women can be just as bad as guys in those relationships and that they can sadly mirror hetero relationships.
I am able to access Mercede's site. I'm using Chrome. Haven't tried IE.
ReplyDeleteYou know... I found a very fascinating blog that looks at some of these issues.
ReplyDeleteI find her viewpoints agreeable, and her ability to explain how those on the opposite side of the fence look at the world to be extremely helpful in understanding my fellow moron. Ahem. Man. I meant man... yeah. (Understanding does not necessarily bring tolerance. lawl)
I hope you'll examine this blog, Gryphen; I think you'll find it as fascinating as I did. I found her blog from a comment left in the Rachel Maddow Blog.
http://socialmusings.livejournal.com/34386.html
Also... a few other excellent articles:
http://socialmusings.livejournal.com/33275.html
http://socialmusings.livejournal.com/33824.html
(Susie here) This is truly the civil rights issue of our time, and I just don't accept the "holier than thou" negative attitude that too many so-called Christians have toward anyone who isn't heterosexual. I have come to realize that most if not all the fundamentalist churches are "Male Supremecy" churches, with females being a lesser person there, not worthy or acceptable to be in all church positions. Women can't be a pastor in them or anything higher in the church hierarchy, either. Those same churches are also "heterosexual Supremacist" churches as well. Anyone who isn't a heterosexual is second class or less in their opinion. I am a Christian, but I totally reject their opinions and hate toward non-heterosexuals. When will they get it that if God didn't make homosexuals, etc. then there wouldn't be any. God made everybody just as they are, and loves all of them equally.
ReplyDeleteKicked out of church. What a bunch of assholes. I'm an atheist and I'm more "Christian" than they are. Thank god it gets better, but it's too bad even those who survive and thrive have to go through such abuse. Has anybody at that church ever heard of the Golden Rule?
ReplyDeleteOT, but David Kernell has been sentenced to a year and a day in custody for "hacking" Palin's email account- the judge recommended a halfway house rather than prison
ReplyDeletehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/11/12/david-kernell-palin-email_n_782820.html
I just saw Carrie Prejean is supposed to be PG. I didn't know you could get PG from slapping your monkey on tape?????
ReplyDeleteRick
FYI IM readers! The first female who speaks in the video (short blond hair) is none other than Cindy McCain, wife of John (Grumpy Crankypants) McCain, The Carmudgeon in Chief!
ReplyDeleteI grew up in a homophobic, politically active fundamentalist church. We regularly heard from the pulpit that there was a homosexual agenda to destroy the American family, homosexuals hate Christians, etc, etc. All it took to destroy that myth for me was one conversation with a gay man, when I realized that NOTHING I had been told about "his kind" was true.
ReplyDelete...and further to what "anonymous suzy" said, isn't it amazing the high frequency with which we hear about scandals involving those "holier than thou" men from churches like others here have described?
ReplyDeleteI keep saying it sure seems like the LOUDER a person gets about being anti-gay, the more likely they are to turn up being caught in an airport restroom, soliciting for gay sex.
The latest loudmouth is that demented Republican Demint from one of the Carolinas...so I'm doing the backward countdown of three...two...one...(expecting to hear he's the newest of such lowlifes to be found drunk and naked with some nine year old boy.)
I'm so glad for you and your daughter that you love her like you do.
ReplyDeleteGayness runs in my family and we love and celebrate us all.
10:27 Anonymous said...
ReplyDelete"We could start with a President that cares about gay people. Obama has done nothing for gay people. He could sign an executive order ending DADT, but instead he sicks his boy Eric Holder on the case to fight it."
You are wrong. Yes, Obama can easily sign an executive order, but he doesn't want to because the next President can easily reverse the executive order. He wants Congress to eliminate DADT which will be permanent. Try paying attention.
Obama Has Done More for Gays Than Any Other President, Yet It’s Still Not Enough for Some Gays
http://blacknewstribune.com/2010/10/obama-has-done-more-for-gays-than-any-other-president-yet-its-still-not-enough-for-some-gays/
Good for you dad.
ReplyDeleteI do not understand parents who turn their backs on their children. There has to be some level of self hate in those parents, but it is their child that they punish.
To add to the IDs in the video...
ReplyDeleteI recognized Kat Von D from LA Ink and Tom Bergeron from DWTS.
@ Susie, I completely agree. I am also a Christian, and my church could not be more different than some of these extreme fundamentalist sects.
ReplyDeleteThis is absolutely the civil rights struggle of our time - my minister speaks on this quite often.
It sounds like your daughter was raised in a more than usually fundamentalist environment.
ReplyDeleteWhy did the parents of her friends even find out?
Thank you Gryph, for being a wonderful father to your daughter and her partner. That says so much about you that is good. Mark in Everett WA
ReplyDeleteIt never occurs to my family to announce that my son is gay. We just accept it.
ReplyDeleteIt does occurr to my family or I or my son to speak out about bully behavior.
It is easy to step up and mouth down the hate.
It is a horrible experience for the one who thinks they can bully in our presence.
As for the gay jokes... I wouldn't even go there around my family. It ain't gonna end very purdy.
We have a zero tolerance for gay bashers.
Life is just better with my household's zero tolerance policy.
We just had a teen suicide- a 14 year old who threw himself in front of a fast moving tractor trailor on a highway. Because of bullying by kids who assumed he was gay (his parents have not confirmed his sexual orientation).
ReplyDeleteThe students and parents are now raging at the school after multiple students confirmed bullying which the school didn't do a damn thing to stop. My daughter went to that school & she was bullied, had I not been the mother who would walk right into the supers office, slam the door and demand we "take a meeting" I doubt they would have cared one little bit.
http://dailyitem.com/0100_news/x603547374/Bullied-student-kills-self
Great ad, and also Gryphen I think your daughter has a great dad.
ReplyDeleteIn regards to lesbians, someone posted the comment: "I was pretty disgusted when I realized from a lesbian friend that women can be just as bad as guys in those relationships and that they can sadly mirror hetero relationships."
I understand your surprise, but what you have to understand is that we ALL are a product of our upbringing and often become like our parents in a relationship, gay or straight. If we are abused, then in addition to that, we will re-enact the abuse in our relationship, again whether that is with a man or woman.
Straight parents make gay kids. I think many people forget that. Our only examples of love and relationships are our straight parents, aunts and uncles, older siblings, etc.