Now as many of you probably remember, Margaret Cho wrote on her blog that sources told her that the Grizzled Mama had forced the ever expanding Bristol Palin to go on the DWTS to pay penance for totally costing her, and that old fart "whatsisname" that ran with her, the 2008 election. (Because as we all know Sarah Palin would have been the PERFECT candidate if Bristol had not FUBAR'd the whole thing up!)
Well obviously the "thin skinned one" could not let that go without comment, so Sarah/Bristol un-caged one of the Palin family ghostwriters, had them sniff a scarf that Bristol had stolen from Cho during DWTS to get the scent, and sicced them on the comedian.
From the official, mommy approved, Bristol Palin Facebok account:
I met so many interesting people on Dancing With The Stars. It was an incredible experience that I will cherish the rest of my life. I have explained my own motivations for accepting the invitation to dance, which included the simple fact that I was ready to get out of my comfort zone and try something new and challenging. I thought dancing would also be a great way to exercise--and it was. (As evidenced by the completely unprecedented weekly weight gain and bloating.) I thought it would boost my confidence--and it did. Notably absent from this calculus were political considerations. ("Absent from this calculus?" They are not even TRYING to make this sound like Bristol wrote it!) You want to talk politics, talk to my mom. You want to talk rumba, waltz and the beautiful Spanish paso doble, I'm your girl (but if you want to talk to the expert, call Mark).
So with this in mind I was somewhat taken aback (Okay, seriously?) to read about me in a blog by my friend and fellow contestant, Margaret Cho. In a post she called "Pistol Whipped" she wrote that "the only reason Bristol was on the show was because Sarah Palin forced her to do it. Sarah supposedly blames Bristol harshly and openly . . . for not winning the election,and so she told Bristol she "owed" it to her to do DWTS . . . ." Let me shamelessly steal from Saturday Night Live (A show I never watch.): "Really, Margaret? Really?"
I will give my friend credit for creativity, and extra points for getting so many "facts" wrong in so few sentences. Let me be blunt: my mom did not "force" me to go on DWTS. She did not ask me either. The show approached me. I thought about it. I made the decision. After first worrying for me in terms of being exposed to those who hate us for what we believe in, both my mom and my dad became my number one supporters. Anyone who watched the show could tell I performed better, and I felt better about myself, when they were in the audience. I wanted to make them both proud, but politics had nothing to do with it. Loving my parents had everything to do with it. (The only truth contained in that paragraph is that Margaret Cho is indeed creative. Also worth mentioning is that she is well known for being both painfully blunt and painfully honest.)
It saddens me that people would think that my mom would "blame" me for anything that occurred in the 2008 election--much less "harshly" and "openly." I think that canard (there, I said it again) (The ghostwriter typed), has been floating around since then also. I will set the record straight, though my mom already did in her bestselling book "Going Rogue"; there were a number of reasons President Obama won in 2008, but the primary reason was that the economy was starting to falter and the majority of voters thought Obama could do a better job than my mom and John McCain. It turns out, two years later, the majority of voters were wrong, but we can talk about that another time. The point is, I seriously doubt anyone who considers herself a student of American politics truly believes I impacted even one vote in that election. (For somebody who claims that a person wanting to "talk politics" should "talk to my mom," THIS paragraph sounds SO much like something Sarah Palin would say that it seems almost spooky. Or of course easily explained by the fact that they are sharing the same ghostwriter. Which one seems the most likely?)
There you have it. Why do I want to set the record straight? (Because my mom made me, just like she made me go on the stupid show! Wait let me go! I want to speak for myse..) Because it is this type of hurtful and false narrative that people promote to make my mom look bad. For 20 years my mom had my back--and for the rest of my life I will have hers.
To my friend Margaret Cho, if you ever have a question, call me girlfriend. Don't ever rely on "sources" who claim to know me or my family. You will be taken every time. (Yeah they will tell the truth! And we all know how easy it is for people to be fooled by the truth!) And we need to talk. You say you "don't agree with the family's politics at all" but I say, if you understood that commonsense conservative values supports the right of individuals like you, like all of us, to live our lives with less government interference and more independence, you would embrace us faster than KD Lang at an Indigo Girls concert. (Seriously, does ANYBODY believe Bristol could, or would, type that?)
P.S. If you want to baby-sit Tripp, I could use a night off. (Okay now THAT made me throw up in my mouth a little.)
Bristol Palin/Sarah Palin/RAM/nameless ghostwriter.
My only assumption here is that the the Grizzled Mama is so confident that her minions will believe ANYTHING posted on Facebook under her or Bristol's name that she can have her little ghostwriting elves write this completely unconvincing message knowing full well that they will gladly swallow it hook, line, and sinker, without even batting a heavily medicated eye.
Don't believe me? Here are just a few of the responses on "Bristol's" Facebook page to this post.
Excellently stated, Bristol. Once again, you show your maturity, intelligence & class. I am sure your parents are extremely proud of you!
Not only a great dancer but a great purvayer of thoughts and as said a few posts up,WELL SPOKEN!!! SET EM RIGHT!!!
Right On Girlfriend!!!! You said it..... Keep up the good work...and I would LOVE to babysit Tripp!!!!
Very well said Bristol!! U make sure u let Margaret & others know that U Won't Sit & Shut Up!!! U let her know u We're Reloading & the truth did hurt Margaret & others who tried & wish u didn't go all the way when knew u did & even know u won 3rd place. God Bless you Bristol & u do take after your parents!!!
You do see how much fun the media and certain progressive celebrities can have with this reflexive response tic the Palin's have developed don't you? All they have to do is call any member of the Palin family out on one of their numerous lies and sit back and wait for the ghostwritten Facebook response.
Here is an example:
"Oh I say Trig (God, is that your actual name?), might I ask why you are never seen wearing the hearing aids and glasses that you clearly require in order to interact with your environment, and to recognize which one of the Palin family members/staff is failing to adequately care for your on any given day. Oh and by the way, does your real mommy ever call?"
Sincerely Stewie Griffin.
With any luck the ghostwriters will be kept so busy repudiating (Yes I am choosing to use the correct word.) the various challenges to the Palin family mythology that they will not have time to write any more of Sarah Palin's "bestsellers." For that reason alone this is a more than worthy endeavor.