Over the course of my life, I have been an attorney, I’ve been a professor, I’ve been a state senator, I’ve been a U.S. senator — and I currently am serving as President of the United States. But I can say without hesitation that the most challenging, most fulfilling, most important job I will have during my time on this Earth is to be Sasha and Malia’s dad
Here is my favorite part:
That's not to say I've always been a perfect dad. I haven't. When Malia and Sasha were younger, work kept me away from home more than it should have. At times, the burden of raising our two daughters has fallen too heavily on Michelle. During the campaign, not a day went by that I didn't wish I could spend more time with the family I love more than anything else in the world.
But through my own experiences, and my continued efforts to be a better father, I have learned something over the years about what children need most from their parents.
They need our time, measured not only in the number of hours we spend with them each day, but what we do with those hours. I've learned that children don't just need us physically present, but emotionally available – willing to listen and pay attention and participate in their daily lives. Children need structure, which includes learning the values of self-discipline and responsibility.
I also had an absentee father and was raised by my hard working single mother.
My mom was not perfect, and she was often exasperated by my behaviors, but she was there when I needed her. Every single time.
When my daughter was born I swore that every time she fell down I would be there to pick her up. That every time she woke up from a nightmare I would be there to chase away the bad dreams. That every time she did not think she could do something, I would be right there telling her that yes she could, and that I had all of the faith in the world in her.
I was not able to there every single time she needed me because after we split her mother wanted to move out of state, but I was still present as often as was humanly possible. And there was never a time that she needed to talk to me that I did not pick up the phone, or that she wanted to come home that I did not scrape together the money for the ticket, or a time when she needed limits set that I allowed the fact that I missed her so very much while she was gone to keep me from doing my parental duty and saying "No." (Which is perhaps the MOST important word a parent ever says to the child that they love.)
Just like my President, I have not always been the perfect dad. But don't tell my daughter that, because despite my many failings, she actually thinks I have.
And I kind of think that when Malia and Sasha are older they will have the very same opinion of THEIR father. Don't you think?
What a cute and classy family. I can't imagine this family ever writing a trashy tell all book unlike some...
ReplyDeleteYour daughter has an amazing father. I am grateful to know you through this blog, that small part of yourself you share with your readers. I am sure that I have only been exposed to a tiny portion of the wonderful man you actually are. I wish I knew you better.
ReplyDeleteJ. W. Morgan
That President Obama is one good man.Makes me proud to be an American unlike the fakes the republicans put out there.
ReplyDeleteIf he misses the girls why not bring them on every trip like Saint Sarah does?
ReplyDeletelol
We are so fortunate to have President Obama in office. He is a terrific man, and a father that every child should have. Sadly, not all do, but we have to make our way in the world without a strong father figure. Most of us learn from our mistakes and try to guide our children along life's path. Sometimes they listen, sometimes they don't, but most of us try our best.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading President Obama's words on fatherhood and yours as well, Gryphen, I feel clean again and wholesome and encouraged by the goodness of both of you.
ReplyDeleteMuch needed after "you know who's introduction" into the literary world.
My Dad died when I was 9. I was lucky to have wonderful neighbors and uncles who showed me what husbands and fathers should do for their kids. They included me whenever they could and when I needed them. They were stand in grandfather's for my children who also have wonderful memories.
ReplyDeleteSo, Uncle Joe, Howie and Rex, thank you so much for all you did for me and my family.
The fact that the republicans cannot even admit that the Obama's are a wonderful family makes me sick, their hypocrisy knows no bounds!
Our President has so many truly good qualities, but being a good Dad is reflected in how his daughters love at him with such love.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you have a close relationship with your daughter too. My kiddos know that as adults they can still look to their Dad for guidance and support.
PS something no one noted yesterday about Meghan McCain's response was about how happy Piper looked 3 years ago, it's too bad that smiling happy child has had her childhood destroyed by her parents and is now such a sullen brat. If that's how the Palin's treat a little one, no wonder their 3 oldest have such problems with drugs and alcohol.
Happy Belated Father's Day Gryphen. I failed to tell you that on Sunday. I love to read about you and your daughter and your relationship. It sounds very much like my husband's relationship to our daughter though we have never been separated. But our daughter is very independent and moved out when she was 18; own apartment; going to college; she is now working on a Ph.D. in Austin, TX but spending two months in an internship in Rome. But she and her Dad are CLOSE! They "skype" on the weekend. (and actually she and I are very close too). We are lucky - our son and daughter have told us already that they think we are the best parents, go figure. As both you and President Obama said ... we are present to them. And they know they can call us anytime and depend on us to be there - even if it is to say no.
ReplyDeleteI remember your post when your daughter decided to move back to AK to be with you; the long auto drive and how worried you were. And I loved your post on Sunday with the things she had given you and the reasons why. Bless you for being a good father and for sharing your love and respect for children (not just yours) with us over these years. Namaste.
As a 54-year-old woman who has spent her whole life yearning for love and affection from an unemotional father, the relationship that President Obama has with his daughters, and you have with yours, is wonderful to behold. Some of us are not that lucky and it DOES affect every aspect of one's life.
ReplyDeleteReading this reminds me how some people feign perfection as a parent perceiving any personal reflections or lessons is being a terrible parent. Palin makes her facts fit and her daughter Bristol must be the golden child. Any behavior of Bristol as a teenager is penned all the fault of someone else. It is a curse to be raised told you are the victim learning to say anything to demonize a person to deny any accountability.
ReplyDeleteI respect parents who give credit where due to raise children.
The Palins do not do that. They steal credit lying to impress people. Their words and actions are contradictory.
Happy belated Father's Day!
"Parents need to be emotionally available" - a very true statement from our President, and one we rarely hear. I don't think people understand just how sparsely our children get true emotional availability from parents in our distracted, multi-tasking, constantly Blackberrying world.
ReplyDeletePut down the Blackberry, people. What your child just said to you requires a thoughtful answer much more so than whatever email you're about to respond to.
If you have not read it, I encourage you to get a copy of "Of Thee I Sing:Letter To My Daughters" by Barack Obama. It is wonderful. The pictures are delightful too. My grands got it for Easter, and it has become their favorite night time storybook.
ReplyDeleteI see so many parents in stores & on the streets, instead of interacting with their children (being there) they are chatting on the cell phone instead of pointing out life around them.
ReplyDelete"I've learned that children don't just need us physically present, but emotionally available – willing to listen and pay attention and participate in their daily lives.
I don't have kids, but I have a nephew who's 2. The other day, I was online (reading comments on IM, naturally!) when my nephew wandered over to show me a toy. I knew he wanted me to play with him, but since he didn't outright ask, I just said it was a nice toy and kept reading. A few minutes later, he came back and asked, in his endearingly cute and elliptical toddler way, if I wanted to play with him. I immediately felt ashamed that I'd been more interested in reading comments by people I'll never meet than in spending time with this child I love more than anything. We had fun playing for a good long while after that.
ReplyDeleteI forget how fortunate I am that my nephew even *wants* to play with me. Someday I might not be the cool aunt anymore!
The way a man relates to his children says a lot about what kind of man he is. President Obama has his priorities straight and is the kind of attentive, structured, loving father we all should be so lucky to have.
ReplyDeleteFind a man who ignores his responsibility for his kids and you'll find a man who can't be depended on for anything. Find a man who puts his children first, and you can trust him in any situation.
Gryphen's daughter and the Obama girls share the blessing of a loving and involved dad in their lives. Reading the FLOTUS's Father's Day e-mail about how her husband drove her and their first daughter home from the hospital, vowing to be the dad he never had, made me grab my hankie.
ReplyDeleteGryph you are one of many divorced parents who did not get custody, but to whom the child or children came at an early or even the earliest opportunity, becasue the children knew who the best parent was.
ReplyDeleteMy niece came to my brother at 16, the earliest age that allows the child to choose.
I have known a mother of 8 who left an abusive marriage to a very wealthy man. He got all the kids including a baby. All 8 came to the mother by the time they were 18 or even younger, even the baby who never knew her, but knew what her older siblings thought of their mom.
Too bad Bristol doesn't understand that.
I was blessed with a father who would put everything aside to spend quality time and listen to his kid's concerns. He passed away recently, and my brother's eulogy included that Dad was the first to say "I Love You" to his son, the awkward need to hear those words while maintaining both men's egos intact is universal. As a woman, I never needed to hear those words, but hearing them early and often were a tremendous gift I will always cherish.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and son are almost there, the former will say it only after the latter does. But I'm sure it will happen.
What struck me was his admission of guilt for not being there at certain times in his life. (Something most women who work outside the home can relate to) I'm so proud of his example.
This amazing man's eloquence and measured words show that the cycle of absentee fathers and the effect they have on their children can be broken in one generation.
I do see the similarities in the President and Gryphen. It shows that the effort, wisdom, and unconditional love of fathers nurtures their children to become the best they can be.
I concur with Mrs Buscuitbarrel, I had tears pouring down my face when reading Michelle's statement.
Good Parenting is hard work, the pay sucks, it's a thankless job, but the benefits more than make up for it.