Wednesday, November 07, 2012

Dear Red States.

"Dear Red States: 

We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics and we've decided we're leaving. "Legitimate rape." Sheesh! 

We in New York intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue States with us. 

In case you aren't aware that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the rest of the Northeast. 

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America (E.S.A). 

To sum up briefly: 

You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. 

We get stem cell research and the best beaches. 

We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin. 

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand. 

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. 

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. 

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. 

You get Alabama. 

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share. 

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms. 

Please be aware that the E.S.A. will be pro choice and anti war and we're going to want all our citizens back from Afghanistan at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. 

We wish you success in Afghanistan, and possibly Iran as well, but we're not willing to spend our resources in these sorts of pursuits. 

With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. 

With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. 

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you. 

38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties. 

We're taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico. 

Sincerely, Stan Singer Citizen of the Enlightened States of America" 

 I don't know where this came from originally, it just showed up in my comments yesterday.

However I did find that it had been posted here in August of this year, though apparently the blog owner is not the original author.

Well anyhow, let me just say that if this were EVER to come to pass, you can bet I would leave my beloved Alaska and move there so fast it would make your head spin. 

But don't worry I'll be sure to save you a spot.


  1. Anonymous6:00 AM

    Money Can't Buy Me Gov..... The biggest loser of this election isn't Mitt Romney. It isn't Paul Ryan, or Todd Aiken, or evangelical Christians. It's Karl Rove. Sheldon Adelson. The Koch Brothers.
    Obama needs to do campaign finance reform immediately.

  2. Super Fan In Atlanta6:03 AM

    Posted on November 7, 2012 at 3:31am at

    Hmmm?? Maybe its karma because of the lies and cheating done during the RNC and the disrespectful tone of so called Christians towards Ron Paul and his supporters? I don’t like that Obama won, not one little bit, but I must say, what goes around comes around! Now we are in a nasty fight for four more years. That is if we last that long! I KNOW we will be okay, because WE the Conservatives AND the Libertarians are the only ones that get it in this country. But tonight we learned the awful truth that we DON”T surround them! They surround us now! :( :( :(

    1. More crappy narrowminded "them vs. us" thinking in that message. When they grow up, maybe there will be a meeting of the minds, but I'm not holding my breath waiting for that.

  3. Anonymous6:08 AM

    I stopped reading when they bashed single moms.

    1. angela6:52 AM

      Really it wasn't a bash on single moms. It was the recognition that the red states repeatedly claimed "single moms" were the problem with all that was wrong-----in the blue states. You don't hear liberal politicians singling out single mothers as evil like the GOP does.

    2. Anonymous6:53 AM

      They didn't bash single moms, they bashed hypocrisy (admittedly, they didn't word it very well).

  4. Anonymous6:13 AM

    President Obama WON his home states of Hawaii, and Illinois.
    Romney and Ryan LOST their home states of Michigan, Mass., and Wisconsin.


    1. That hasn't happened in many years, P and VP candidates losing their home states. How sweet it is!

  5. Anonymous6:14 AM

    Fuck the GOP .... Fuck Mitt Romney

    Ann Romney was looking bad last night ... she needs a spa visit. Sarah was looking worse.

    What a great night ... thank you God

    1. Anonymous6:53 AM

      Sarah looked like a shrunked face under a muskrat.

    2. Anonymous7:10 AM

      Ann? I thought that was Raffie up there?

    3. The strain of the campaign may well have affected Ann Romney's MS. She needs more than a spa, I'll bet. But the Romneys don't have any problem affording the horrendously expensive MS meds like the hoi polloi did, before Obamacare.

  6. Anonymous6:14 AM

    Excuse me, is Ted Nugent dead yet? Cuzz, I really,. really want him to be just dead!

    1. Anonymous7:37 AM

      Boy, he is a vile piece of garbage.

    2. Anonymous8:36 AM

      Poor Ted Poopy Britches.

      Quit picking on Sarah's friend!

  7. Anonymous6:27 AM

    Save LOTS of spots, Gryphen...we're all right behind you!

  8. Anonymous6:30 AM

    Stan Singer for President, 2016!!!

  9. A. J. Billings6:33 AM

    I've been advocating a divided America for a long time, although the implementation would be very difficult.

    Letting the religious Christian political types have their own theocratic and oppresive country might make the rest of us a lot happier, but it's probably just a pipe dream

    Most often these types of things happen via war, natural disaster, or economic collapse.

  10. A. J. Billings6:36 AM

    Serious schadenfreude! Glenn Beck this morning is catatonic, and just on the edge of crying.

    He's also begging for money, because his self aggrandizing dream of building a media empire is butting up against the hard truth that most people aren't buying his brand of Elmer Gantry bullshit.

    He's crying poverty, lamenting his own downfall, and just all around being a huge crybaby

    Schadenfreude baby!

    1. hedgewytch8:25 AM

      So what else is new? Glenn's got crying down to speed dial status.

    2. Anonymous8:25 AM

      Couldn't happen to a better SOB! Suck it Beck!

  11. Randall6:37 AM

    Yes, I've seen that post before...
    and I quite agree with the tongue-in-cheek humor therein.

    Also, this morning I was watching Fox News and Carl Rove, among others, was saying that "the problem" was that the Conservatives didn't do a good enough job of getting their message out.


    Wrong, wrong, WRONG.
    You GOT your message out, buddy!
    We HEARD your message.
    We don't like your message.

    We voted against your message.
    == AGAIN ==


  12. Anonymous6:41 AM

    Stan Singer for President, 2016!!!

  13. Anonymous6:42 AM

    Gryphen and my fellow IM'ers! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for having the good sense and conviction to re-elect the president. Racism and hate will not prevail and we together can overcome the problems this country faces without Rove, Palin, Hannity, Coulter, et all. Their vitriol and hatred with not, in Palin speak, progress this country. Only those Americans that truly love this country and care deeply about ALL its citizens will move it through difficult times.
    I'm so moved by the outcome last night that I need to go back to bed and get some sleep! And I'll dream good dreams!

    1. That said, and said very nicely, I hope all IMers will be sending a personal note of thanks to $P, thanking her for finally, FINALLY endorsing rMoney by name the day before the election, ensuring, with her kiss of death, his demise.

      Face it, folks, she made it happen with that endorsement. We gotta show our appreciation. How you do it is up to you. -:)

    2. Anonymous8:27 AM

      Fuck you Sarah Palin is a start!

  14. Anonymous6:58 AM

    Thank goodness Florida went took all night, but it IS blue!

  15. Anonymous7:08 AM

    Now, least President Obama does have the good part of Texas. Austin/San Antonio.
    And no one is done seeing SA Mayor Castro.

    But I do seriously want to thank Uncle Gryphen for every article and comment he put forward towards this election.
    Every IMer that made a phone call, knocked on a door, talked facts to a friend . WE ALL shared in this victory!

  16. Anonymous7:12 AM

    How about displaying some of the humility that POTUS did.

    We won, now get to work.

    1. Anonymous8:16 AM

      oh, just shut up for one freakin' day.

  17. Anonymous7:13 AM

    Right-Wing Media React To Obama's Re-Election: War, Impeachment, Revolution

    1. More fodder for Bill Maher. He's gonna have a ball with all that.

      And he's still got Bachmann and Arpaio (unfortunately). An embarrassment of comedic riches.

  18. Anonymous7:16 AM

    I LOVE seeing heads explode. Had the best night's sleep I've had in MONTHS last night!

    Here's to you, IM!

  19. Anonymous7:18 AM

    FOX News reaction to Obama winning 2012 re-election

  20. Anonymous7:20 AM

    Fox News Announces Re-Election Win of President Barack Obama

    Fox News hosts Bret Baier and Megyn Kelly report that the Fox News team has called the state of Ohio for Barack Obama, realistically nullifying the opportunity for Mitt Romney to become President of the United States. There is initial confusion as the calling of Ohio essentially also decides the winner of the 2012 Presidential Election. Reactions from the crowd in Chicago, along with commentary from Juan Williams, Brit Hume, and others.

  21. Anonymous7:30 AM

    The Chin votes in style.

  22. deebee7:31 AM

    Also we'll get Tulsi Gabbard while you're stuck with Sarah Palin.

  23. London Bridges7:33 AM

    We get Michelle Obama and Elizabeth Warren; you get Ann Coulter & Sarah Palin!

  24. Anonymous7:37 AM

    LOVE the word image gryph!!!!

    BIG THANKS to alllll the YOUNG peeps
    out there who have WORKED so hard to
    both elect and #occupysandy!!!

    YOU peeps are The BEST!!!!

  25. Anonymous7:39 AM

    "We get George Clooney, Barbra get Honey Boo Boo."

    1. Anonymous8:27 AM

      Honey Boo Boo supported Obama. Smarted than Sarah, Bristol or Tripp Palin.

  26. Anonymous7:40 AM

    The Sad Faces of Fox

  27. Anonymous7:41 AM

    Respectful analysis by a Conservative organization:

  28. Abraham Lincoln and thousands of others gave their lives in order to maintain the Union, taken with much difficulty from the royal family of England. We are one or we are nothing. Secession and talk of secession is treason. Count me as a Lincoln/Obama Democrat forever.

  29. Anonymous7:43 AM

    Maybe the prez can give Palin, Hannity and Limbaugh some lessons on community organizing.

  30. Anonymous7:59 AM

    We get the Great Lakes!

    1. Anonymous10:57 AM


  31. Anonymous8:00 AM

    Anyone up for a laugh? Yeah, I'm full out gloating today....

  32. Anonymous8:05 AM

    IM'ers! What a wonderful day. Sent Mittens packing, gained Senators WARREN and Baldwin, and heard tbungers' heads pop all morning :) Oh, and legal weed in WA and CO!! Yaaaaaaay!!

  33. I saw that somewhere else. I love it.

    The very wealthy are not done trying to steal this country and reduce the rest of us to serfs and dead people. Stay vigilant.

    Thank you, Gryphen.

  34. Just checking in to say hello and thanks to you Gryphen for all you do.
    Last night was absolutely stupendous! I didn't even need anything to reach my Rocky Mountain High!!
    Well, there were a couple of triple shot espresso mochas while I was waiting and then gleefully reading the internet until the wee hours of the morning.
    One sore subject...and maybe you can help me to feel better. I tried to post on The Obama Diary last week and was "banned" because I hadn't posted there regularly. Incidentally, still can't post over there (tried again last night and this morning) and it's really rankling me. It's left such a bad taste in my mouth. Can anyone say anything to make me feel better?
    I've never been banned before...and the post that I left last week was totally FOR Obama. So what gives? I mean, check out my own blog...I'm so seriously in the bag for the President O that it's not even funny. Just feelin' a bit low.
    But at least you guys are here...thanks.

  35. Sharon8:20 AM

    This is the best summary of our country I have ever, he really nailed it. I totally agree with the fact "money" can't buy us, the biggest losers were the millionaires, our votes did matter.
    I am so proud of our country, and you can really see where the intelligent, tax payers live and where the low information fox viewing welfare states are. This country wants equality, is sick of the hate, and the 1% can go _____ themselves with all their money. As Palin would say.."we have taken our country back." I think we are going to see a very renewed Ninja Obama that will make the GOP beg on their knees because 2014 is just around the corner and our chance to get rid of the rest of the teaparty asswipes, esp McConnell. I was hoping we got rid of Ryan and Cantor, but getting Warren was fantastic.

    Special thank you to Gryphen....superstar blogger!

  36. Anonymous8:20 AM

    As you'll all see here, our Sarah says it best.
    Nothing has changed and nothing will change. The only improvement I can make to that is that things will now get even worse. The baggers are going to get their guns out now and 'water the tree of liberty' so to speak. As we note the Donald has advocated with his remarks on revolution. OH, and the new pres should probbably stay off the streets for a while. Stay safe and keep your kids off the streets too today!
    love and kisses from your 'socalled' troll.

    1. Anonymous8:20 AM

      BWAHAHAHAHAHA...NO you DID not post that article of Baldy with that fucked up WIG and man morphing FACE!

      You MUST be a PALIN! that you Creepy Jr or Creepy Sr? "our Baldy"...indeed!

      Whatever troll...thanks for playing and giving me even MORE laughs...especially after visiting the Asylum this morning...the patients there must have taken your words seriously because those nutjobs are "stocking up on weaponry" and such.

      How stupid are they going to feel when NOBODY shows up at their door to "take away their freedums" know why dummy...because nobody gives a shit about you crazy fucking teabaggars!

      Now go get BENT! LOL!!!

  37. Anonymous8:21 AM

    Please, never dump Trump, or Palin.

  38. Anonymous8:24 AM

    Also, too...

    Thank you President Clinton for all your hard work to help make this victory happen. We couldn't have done it without you! Jane in CA


  39. Anonymous8:33 AM

    ted nugent; "If Obama is reelected I will be deasd or in jail"......Were waiting ted.........crickets.

    1. Anonymous9:43 AM

      Yea, teddy pooper pants pedo "Just do it!

  40. Anonymous8:47 AM

    They are simply losing it over at the p-pond:

    Posted by SusanWo4p

    "Four more years of Obama is going to result in a Banana Republic filled with unrest and uncertainity.

    Protect your families, in daily Prayer...sing hymns, read your Bible...hold fast to God and rely on Him.
    Stock up on guns and ammuniton
    Buy some heirloom seeds for veggies you know will grow in your climate.
    Stock up on bottle water and foods you can prepare without electricity.
    Avoid the big cities, or "iffy" areas...random acts of violence are only going to spread.
    Do everything you can to be "prepared" for emergencies. THE GOVERNMENT will NOT be helping you. I REPEAT: THE GOVERNMENT WILL NOT BE HELPING YOU.
    Stock up on basic medicines...and start studying up on caring for the sick.
    Seriously consider homeschooling your children"

    She left out "the sky is falling, the sky is falling"


    1. Anonymous9:18 AM

      She's inciting her cohorts to violence and it's probably going to work with some. Your whole country is sick, sick, sick with hate and it's on both sides and it's not going to blow over that quickly. These few days ahead are going to be the part that gets interesting to watch.
      -your loving Canadian troll.

    2. Anonymous9:18 AM

      No she's not troll...Baldy is too HIGH and too DRUNK to incite shit! What Baldy needs to worry about is figuring out how fast her ass can find another job...FAKE News is done with her crazy...bald headed...incoherent...racist ass!

      I suggest you get over her too! She smells and you're hoping that somebody will shoot on her behalf has already been done before troll...

      Remember Gabby Gifford


      Christina Taylor Green

      Dorothy Morris

      John Roll

      Phyllis Schneck

      Dorwan Stoddard

      Gabriel Zimmerman

      And finally...remember "Blood Libel"

      So with that...fuck so-called "Canadian troll"!

      *GinaM spits on the ground in disgust*

    3. Anonymous10:54 AM

      Agree w/Gina, Canadian Troll, your country is filled with racist Conservatives that love stoopid sarah also...your are tearing up the environment at the Tar sands and trying to steal First peoples lands!
      You are FAR from perfect Troll!

    4. Anonymous2:17 PM

      Gotta love the hate and anger gina. So if you are still angry today then does that mean it won't get any better?
      love, Canadian troll.

    5. Anonymous2:17 PM

      Read the names ass...that's what Baldy's "hate and anger" did to 6 people. Baldy is so OVER...not even her one dirty panty sniffing troll from Canada can change that!

      I'll let you in on a secret Canadian troll...Baldy just wants your MONEY!

      So please send her some..for a new clothes... and some work done on that wrinkled up turkey neck of hers...and for god sakes...make sure it's enough for her to do something about that NOSE!

      It's starting to look like Voldemort's snake like face! LOL!!!

  41. Anonymous12:06 PM

    Gryph, I am speaking as one of the many Texans who voted for Pres. Obama. Just because our state is currently red, that does not mean it is full of the paint chip eaters. In Houston, the popular vote was veyr close but Pres. Obama won over Mitt Romney by about 600 votes. Don't forget, we have a lot of young people here, a lot of brown people, and a lot of diversity - no matter what the old white guys say. Give us a little more time, and we may be able to turn this state blue.

    1. Buckeye Bitch10:41 AM

      Just finished a wonderful book about one-time Texas Governor Ann Richards...the one who pointed out the silver spoon in the senior Bush's mouth.

      Yes, Texas has been blue before...before Bush, basically... but I think it's going to take a lot more than "a little more time" to take it back there. The problem is that the old white guys have both the say and the money.

      However, that said, I was amazed and encouraged to see a half-page ad in my small town Ohio newspaper on election day, quoting George McGovern on what it means to be a Democrat. It was paid for by an individual in Lufkin, Texas. Hope springs eternal!

  42. Anonymous12:12 PM

    They forgot Iowa in the list of blue states. This Iowan demands a correction. :) Or else we'll take our gay marriage and form our own damn COUNTRY! Nah, just kidding. But seriously, Iowa is much more liberal than most realize. The rural areas aren't quite so much. But I live in one, and I see a definite shift to being more liberal even there. Lots of happy Obama supporters in my tiny town today.

    1. Anonymous5:58 PM

      I had a great time in Iowa a few years ago on RAGBRAI -- such nice people there! And yes, there were a few anti-Obama signs on rural roads, but, you get that even in in the bluest states.

    2. Anonymous5:40 PM

      I agree. In the 1970s the two most liberal senators in the country were both from Iowa. Current senator Tom Harkin, a very liberal guy, is from Iowa. Iowa has always had a live and let live attitude. Too many on the coasts think that just because a place is in the middle of the country, it's backward. I'll put Iowa's SAT and ACT scores against any one.

  43. fromthediagonal4:30 PM

    Heard a comment by Arianna Huffington this morning that made me chuckle, because she used a term that I find much less offensive than "Neanderthal".

    She designated the regressives as antediluvian.

    Other than that, I have been dancing today for the joy of the Prevalence of Reason, knowing that the work of educating the next generation will begin anew as soon as tomorrow, and I am ready.

    1. Anonymous6:00 PM

      Too tired to dance today, we were up till 2 a.m., we're in our early 60s, and I had to get up at 7 a.m. for work....since I'm one of those "47 percent who won't take responsibility."

      Get stuffed, draft-dodger born-rich Mitt!

  44. AMENDMENT 1- SEPARATION: On the day of separation 100% of the 46% of the Unenlightened States of America who, by accident of birth, job, family or other unavoidable vagary of life have been forced to live under the oppressive brutality of the Red States far too long, will be welcomed as new citizens of the E.S.A. All will have decent, non-toxic, socially useful jobs that pay a living wage and needn't worry about healthcare because that will be universal and free to all, as will education, energy, shelter for the homeless, food for the hungry and other necessities of life. The right to assemble in any park, at any hour, for as long as it takes to redress grievances against the government will be guaranteed. These provisions will be quite realistic since the E.S.A. will no longer permit the obscenely wealthy 1% to continue to amass even greater amounts of obscene wealth and the entire 1% and their corporations will be taxed proportionally to their ability to pay without suffering any serious deprivation. They will, however, have to give up the ambition and wealth that permits them to buy the government and about 2/3 of the other nations in the world. If that's your desire, you are advised to go to the nearest Red state and check in.

    AMENDMENT 2 - CALIFORNIA: California will be split in two -- Red to the south (of Monterey or thereabouts) Blue to the north. About 2/3 of Sacramento (birth-station of Rush Limbaugh) along with 98% of the State Legislature will be encouraged to relocate to Orange County and other Sou' Cal enclaves willing to take them. N. Cal will gladly accept all L.A actors, writers. artists, filmmakers, poets, musicians and other citizens who have been muzzled by the Hollowwood-Industrial complex and its mogul mafia. We will have enlightened work for all of them to do in providing the E.S.A. with the intelligent cultural and arts offerings a progressive, enlightened society requires and deserves. North coast weed industries will be required to sell their products at reasonable prices that provide a modestly generous profit without gouging their customers. Cost of living adjustments will be provided. According to latest FDA and Agriculture Dept. figures, that means a kilo of killer weed will average about $8.25 at the bong. No one in the E.S.A will be so poor they cannot afford some occasional recreation.

    Red Slider, P.O.E.E. &
    Keeper of the Sacred Chao
    after-dinner-mint circle,
    Joshua Norton Cabal
    Discordian Society
    & Citizen, E.S.A.



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