Sarah Palin channels Paula Deen ("Racists, party of two!") for the 4th of July celebration. You know, IF Paula Deen got all of her recipes off the internet.

Courtesy of Alaska's own Paula Deen's Facebook page:

The beauty of catching some of our Alaskan species with fins is the amount of meat harvested with each fish. Rod and reeling red salmon, or, my favorite, a big (or even not so big) halibut ensures you've got a few dinners taken care of even when feeding a bunch of people. 

We had a blast hauling in halibut in Homer a few days ago, despite the cold rain and queasy waves for which Cook Inlet is notorious. (Queasy waves?) Todd flew his Cessna 185 alongside the Inlet, then on to Pedro Bay, then the next day we drove the scenic Seward Highway to Anchor Point's salt water, also part of Cook Inlet. The kids and their friends have gone back and forth between work schedules to different fishing grounds this summer, and they're helping fill the freezer with organic protein for winter! It's the best. I especially love the halibut, and for weaklings like me, it takes a few of us working together to hike the heavy white meat over the railing to gaff and club it. Then tradition calls for a whole group to sit around a bonfire once ashore to watch one pro (that wouldn't be me) do all the filleting while we eat. (Yes it is a Palin family tradition to sit on their ass and make one person do all the work.)

Even more fun than the catch is having the crowd in the kitchen try different ways to cook it. The goal on the water may be to catch the big one, like an 80 lb. king or a "barn door" halibut, but IMHO the best eating is a smaller halibut pulled fresh out of the water and dipped right into the beer batter. (Sounds like she just leaves the heads on and bites right through the spinal column. Yum yum!)

It doesn't really take a village to catch a fish. (Whoa, is THAT a dig at Hillary? Better watch your shit missy, that is a fight you could never win!) But it's fun to have one to eat it up. Here's how the girls and their friends cooked this weekend's fish, and I invite you to try this perfect recipe for wild rhubarb pie as an accompaniment. We stayed in a cabin on the Inlet with an old abandoned garden out back, and even without any horticultural care the perennial bushels of rhubarb never seem to go away. So I hacked stalks of this tart leafy plant to feed our village... er, the crew... in Wasilla. I used my mother-in-law's simple, delicious pie crust recipe (see below) and tried a rhubarb filling recipe I found on the internet. (Live in Alaska your whole life and have to find a rhubarb pie recipe from the internet? Gee just like the pioneer women did.) It was heavenly. Piper put together a collage to show you some before and after shots of the outings, along with a few randoms (see below).

Something different but still maybe par-for-the-course for us: Bristol took her paycheck from starring in a recent episode of "Celebrity Wife Swap" (She and Willow had a ball working with Joan and Melissa Rivers on the episode! Really!) and bought a pontoon. (Oops, I originally read that as poontang. My bad.)(You can spot it festooned with a big bright American flag in the background of one of Piper's collages.) 

(You know it has been awhile since Bristol received a check for being the worst dancer in DWTS's history, and she takes her first big payday since and buys a boat? Nice to see she learned fiscal responsibility from her mother.)

So we finally felt like tourists out on our lake putzing around – no gill nets, cork lines, lead lines, chaos – just floatin' in slow motion. All we're missing is the heat! I'm glad our girls are learning mechanical skills and a general knowledge of "how stuff works" with their acquiring of various pieces of equipment and large used toys for their Alaskan lifestyle. I respect the hardcore, real world skills needed to keep things running. 

Enough sport fishing for now though, or as Todd says,"Enough playing with our food," because our commercial fishing season soon peaks. The guys have headed over to Bristol Bay to slay salmon at our sites while I stay back awhile to get Piper to basketball camps, do some work for FOX, finish my Christmas book, then travel Outside for various events.

Have a great pre-Independence Day week. Take time to appreciate the bounty we're blessed with on God's green earth. I encourage you to get outdoors, breathe it all in, and be thankful! (And once again if you're not sure how to "breathe it all in" here is a helpful video for ya.)

Yeah I think we can all agree that this was written without any professional assistance. "Floatin' in slow motion" and "without any horticultural care" are pure unadulterated Palinese.

Palin then offers two recipes, one for Todd's mother's pie crust (Along with a link to the filling recipe she found on the internet) and the other for beer batter halibut in which she suggests that you get a store bought box of beer batter mix and then provides these helpful directions, "Follow instructions on the box of mix." (My God, my mouth is watering already.)

What's even more humorous is that she is afraid that her instructions for making pie crust are TOO wordy so she offers this explanation, "forgive the elementary instructions – they're written for my Taco Bell-addicted kids and their peers."    Which essentially calls her out on the fact that her children are used to eating fast food, and don't follow instructions well.

Yeah, like we did not already know that.

I think this post was also important in that Palin wants to put to rest those rumors that she is now essentially living full time in Arizona by showing her doing "Alaska things" and talking about how much she loves doing them. (When we ALL know she hates it up here and has always wanted to get the fuck out.)

All in all this is one of the more unintentionally humorous postings from her Facebook account, and for once she did not attack the President, the media, or Liberals. (Well she did take that one swipe at Hillary. But what can you say? She's a horrible bitch.)

P.S. Oh and before I forget, I must mention that mixed in with "Piper's collage" are numerous pictures of Tripp smiling for the camera, because, you know, Mercedes is a liar. (Don't tell me she doesn't read here!)