Freshly kicked off the Fox and Friends couch, blonde dingbat Gretchen Carlson takes a stab at interviewing Sarah Palin. Kind of like Malibu Barbie interviewing Trailer Park Trash Trixie.

Apparently the new methodology for making Palin appear smarter is to have her interviewed by the human equivalent of a blonde houseplant.

As for Palin she is back to wearing her hideous purple furry collared housecoat, as well as a fake smile and a barely housebroken rodent on her head. In other words somebody pulled her out from under the bed, plopped a hunting trophy on her head, poured a Red Bull down her throat, and tied her to a chair in front of a fake backdrop.

(And action!)

Of course the purpose of this interview is to gave Palin  the chance to pimp her ghostwritten Heritage Foundation love note to Ted Cruz. As well as to attack Obamacare. ("What about Benghazi, Benghazi, Benghazi!")

The interview is almost impossible to listen to without wanting to rip your hair out (Or at least bitchslap that half dead thing on Palin's noggin.), however here are a couple of Palin-isms that I managed to glean in between the giggling and jaw dropping stupidity.

"United we stand and divided we will fall. And we will fall under Obamacare."

"Obamacare is going to result in a part time employment arena that most Americans are going to have to face."

"This is what we're looking for, some kind of relief for Americans. Idilly (sic) the relief would be the same relief that Congress gave themselves, and that is an exemption from this burdensome,  unaffordable, unworkable, law called Obamacare."

"Obamacare is a disaster, it is a train wreck, it is huge government intervention, I believe it's unconstitutional because it violates the commerce clause, and the Federal government really has no right to tell us what we should, or should not, purchase." (Does she mean like they have no right to tell us we have to buy car insurance?)

"That's why we don't want to just give up and say okay Federal government intervene even more fully in our lives, more than what our Founders had ever intended. For this branch of government to...to..um..be able to  burden us. No we don't give up we..we..we fight for what's right and tart's why we elect those like Ted Cruz, Mike Lee, who are willing to stand firm and speak on behalf of we the people."

At the end of the interview Carlson asked Palin if there is anything about her that nobody knows. (You know like faking a pregnancy, or lying about an abortion, or about how and why your oldest son joined the military? Something like that?)

Of course Palin is not willing to reveal anything of any news value. (Dammit!) And instead says that everybody pretty much knows all about her since her e-mail got hacked and everything. (It wasn't hacked!)

However she does volunteer to tell the viewers how her Fox interviews are done.

"Something that maybe viewers would find interesting is the way that we put together these Fox interviews. I'm in Todd's airplane hangar, and Todd is the one manning the camera, and he's behind the controls. And we put a sign outside the door asking the kids to stay out for about fifteen minutes. Don't come knock on the door, we put that sign up, and we also ask the kids to keep all the dogs outside because we've had them wander through once in awhile during these hits and it creates some chaos."

WTF? Does anybody remember a time when a dog caused a problem during a previous interview? I sure don't.

Carlson then asks Palin how many dogs they have.

This kind of catches Palin by surprise, and she fumble a bit before claiming that they usually end up "babysitting" Bristol's dogs and then bizarrely suggests they always have "strays" coming around as well.

Really, taking in stray dogs? Does that sound like something the Grizzled Mama would do?

It sounds to me as if SOMEBODY is once again working to put to rest the rumors that she is no longer living in Wasilla, and is using this hokey story to provide cover.

I wonder what kind of sign she has on her door in Arizona?