Nine former leaders of the ‘ex-gay’ movement have published an open letter in support of the #BornPerfect campaign of the National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR), which aims to ban ‘conversation (sic) therapy’ across the US within five years.
The letter was signed by: Brad Allen, Michael Bussee and Yvette Cantu Schneider, formerly of Exodus International; Jeremy Marks, founder of Exodus Europe and Courage UK; Bill Prickett, founder of Coming Back; Tim Rymel and John J. Smid, formerly of Love in Action; Catherine Chapman, formerly of the Portland Fellowship; and Darlene Bogie, founder of Paraklete Ministries.
“Together we represent more than half a century of experience, so few people are more knowledgeable about the ineffectiveness and harm of conversion therapy,” the letter reads in part.
“We know first-hand the terrible emotional and spiritual damage it can cause, especially for LGBT youth. We once believed that there was something morally wrong and psychologically ‘broken’ about being LGBT. We know better now.”
Today the idea that you can "cure" somebody of their sexuality by shaming them and demanding that they repress their desires seems almost like lunacy. But that is how we have treated the LGBT community for thousands of years.
Everybody needs love and acceptance. Especially when they feel different from what is perceived as "normal."
When I first began to realize that my daughter liked girls instead of boys, I made the decision to be supportive no matter what, and to open myself to accepting her as she was, and not how I imagined her to be.
When you love your child, you love them. There should never be conditions on that love.
If a gay child, or any child, has that from their family, then they are already on the road to acceptance and confidence with who they are.
The fact that this ex-gay crap still goes on is shameful.
ReplyDeleteThe Texas GOP still thinks its a thing and put it in their
party platform this year. And I'll bet Michelle Bachmann's (very gay) husband is still flogging this to patients of his.
When my son came out, both my husband and I were very supportive and accepting. We love him unconditionally. I was not sure my 81 year old mother would be, but she surprised me. She also said nothing had changed and of course she loved him. I only wish every GLBT child would find acceptance from those he loves.
ReplyDeleteGryphen, You talk beautifully of love and acceptance. My mother died three days ago and I find myself thinking that I would have felt loved if only she had accepted me just as I am - a somewhat flawed human being doing my best to be honest and kind and make a difference. But it was never enough. I'm straight. Acceptance is a good thing for every one of us. If I'd had that from my mother, perhaps I could truly grieve and mourn her death. Instead I feel empty.
ReplyDeleteYour post made me cry. There was something inside your mother that warped her. Maybe something happened to her or maybe SHE was just born that way. Some people are just their own worst enemy and sabotage themselves to make sure they are never happy, then try to make themselves feel better by taking it out on everyone else, starting with the most vulnerable, their children.
DeleteYour mother gave you no reason to mourn her loss, and THAT'S sad, but for her. Her life is over. But it sounds like despite herself she gave the world a gift in her child.
6:02, I know exactly what you mean. It was bad enough she and my father divorced when I was around 8, but she never talked to me about it. I had to stay with my father since it was she who was at fault. (She'd had an affair with the father of one of my best friends!)
DeleteTo add insult to injury, she left town without a single word. She refused contact with me all through my formative years. Finally, after I had gotten out of the Navy, I went to stay with her a while and it seemed as though perhaps we might actually get to know each other. Eventually I bought some land in northern Maine and built a nice house - which she stole by forging my signature on the title while I was away on a business trip, only to then disappear entirely before I returned. THAT little fiasco cost me around $140,000!
The police would do nothing because they said it was my fault since I had to have done something to make her do it. After all, it was my mother!
Yeah, right.
It does get better in time. Try as hard as you can to smile and not worry about it.
What helped me the most was the realization that not everyone can be a true parent. Just because she bore me, did not mean she was a Mother. (Please note the capital M.) I cried when I finally understood that, but it was for HER - and only a little for me.
Oh, Leland, that is a terrible story. Your other posts have all been so strong and sane--like this one--so clearly you've come a long long way. Bravo! I'm with you on this subject: my mother demanded a great deal of homage for being a capital-M Mother, and personal services, more accurately known as scutwork (Cinderella had nothing on me!). She was cold, abusive, demeaning, and stopped talking to me entirely for the last decade of her life. It was hard beyond belief.
DeleteHard, also, to believe that I found the right man (to my mother's horror), married him, and had children. In so doing, I tried to give them what I thought they needed. Usually I guessed right, and our son's loving father plays a huge role still as our sons are now all young adults. Fortunately, since we had boys, I only had to watch "Cinderella" briefly and occasionally. (Bark of non-laughter)
And virtual hugs as well as a raised fist of solidarity to those born to biological mothers who grew up without nurturing, and worse. We are everywhere. We do the best we can.
Love to all, Mrs TBB
When my daughter's best friend (male) came out in high school, all his closest friends were in the cafeteria with him. Yeah, they all laughed, we know- now let's get something to eat. It's a wonderful thing when your whole community accepts and loves you, no matter what.
ReplyDeleteLovely! And from what I've heard about my sons' friends' coming-out stories, that's a blessedly typical response.
DeleteHomosexuality was a part of the norm during many eras of the past two thousand years.
ReplyDeleteI recommend "Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality" by John Boswell, The University of Chicago Press, 1980; ISBN 0-226-06711-4. It is an enlightening read for those who really want to have an open, accepting mind and understand.
The older I get the less I understand why one's sexuality should be an issue. But then I remember that the puritans came HERE.
ReplyDeleteYes, the Puritans came here. They were "encouraged" to leave England. Kind of like Botany Bay, huh?
Deletewww.boxturtlebulletin.com/what-are-little-boys-made-of-main
ReplyDeleteGryphen, I don't know if it can be fixed, but in the first paragraph of your post, "conversation therapy" should instead be "conversion therapy".
ReplyDeleteBTW, I'd love to see more pushback from those who've been dragged into this fraudulent "therapy".
The entire movement, whatever name it goes under is absolutely repulsive. We have friends and family who have gay children, and not all have been kind nor accepting at first, but the more they learned, the better they got. My sister's husband's response was "No son of mine...." and much much worse. My nephew came to live with us because life in his house became intolerable. The marriage ended in divorce, he went back to stay with his mom, who loves him more than life it'self, unconditionally. The father eventually came around to "tolerate" it, but isn't "Accepting" of it at all. (read "There's something wrong with them, but I'm perfect
ReplyDeleteand will tolerate it).
I have to wonder how much damage these groups have done and how many gay kids turned to drugs, eating disorders, depression, suicide, etc. trying to "change"?
Probably an enormous amount of damage!
DeleteWhen I was growing up, early indications that I liked boys, had crushes, etc., were met with derisive laughter by my entire family-of-origin. The upshot being, who would ever love YOU?!? The fact that I was and am heterosexual was beside the point. Many years of therapy and healing years of loving and being loved changed me dramatically, but the scar tissue is there.
I have great affinity for gay people, because though my struggle took a slightly different form, it remained struggle, and included ostracism, rejection, and (when young) denial of very basic necessities that I had to earn money to buy.