Chuck Heath Jr's list of "Ten Things Sarah Palin is Lacking" is laugh out loud funny.

So Chuckie has decided that his road to success lies in kissing his sister's ass even harder, has decided to post a list of what he considers tongue in cheek things Palin is lacking which attract criticism.

Just to make sure it has virtually no impact he places this list on that "Sarah Palin's Earthquake Movement" Facebook page, put together by the simplest morons on the planet who still cannot get it through their heads that Palin is NEVER running for president.

Here is the opening: 

For the past five years, I’ve watched, listened to, and read viscous (I am pretty sure he meant vicious here, but he is a Palin so I'll let it slide. Remember folks HE'S a teacher.) comments directed at my sister Sarah. These attacks are usually based on things those that want to destroy her feel she is lacking. I thought I’d help the haters out by compiling my own list. I hope this helps!

Oh look he is using middle school language and calling her critics "haters" as well. So mature.

Ten Things That Sarah Palin is Lacking: 

#1-Pedigree: Sarah was born into a low-income family with no political connections. Everything she’s achieved has been through her own hard work. (Okay this is true. After all at one point Palin was a governor of Alaska and had an actual political future. But then through hard work she became known as a half-term quitter, a reality show has been, the producer of books that don't sell, and the matriarch of a family of losers who are now famous for starting drunken brawls. So many achievements.)

#2-Soft hands: Sarah has continually worked to provide for herself and her family, whether it was as a commercial fisherman, a hunter, a waitress, etc., she’s never been afraid to get her hands dirty. 

(Well they're old and gnarled right now, and she tends to use them as flesh covered post it notes, but they look fairly soft and callous free to me. I call bullshit.)

#3-Sleep: I watched Sarah work 15-20 hours a day, seven days a week as governor. Her stamina amazes everyone close to her. (One should never confuse Red Bull induced hyperactivity and facial tics with stamina. And according to Levi she came home in the middle of the day, and I would trust his take on her work ethic over a brother desperate to hitch a ride on her coattails any day. Especially since that was also backed up by her security chief Gary Wheeler and others as well.)


#4-A golf handicap: Although she loves the game, you would never see Sarah spending countless hours on the links during a position of leadership. (Well we're at number four so it must be time to attack the President. Who, by the way, seems to be able to play golf AND not quit his job at the same time.)

#5-Shady friends: Sarah has no ties to known domestic terrorists, and no wealthy foreign friends that financed trips for her overseas. (No ties to domestic terrorists? Has he never heard of Schaeffer Cox? As for "shady friends" perhaps Chuckie is hoping that nobody has read this Salon article from October 2008.) 
 
#6-Hidden college transcripts: Her school records have always been open to the public. (Now this is simply bullshit. NOBODY has seen any of  Palin's school transcripts, including the diploma she supposedly received after finishing college. Trust me I looked.)

#7-A perfect family: Despite hardships that almost every American family faces, Sarah has kept her head up and focused on the positive, and she’s always been there to help us when we’ve needed her. (Seriously? Literally in every book written about Palin, that was not written by somebody paid to make her look good, contains reports of her incredibly poor parenting. And anybody needing further proof of that need only here the police audio of the drunken brawl. "Don't cuss Swillow.")

#8-Friends in the media, Hollywood, and rap music: The vast majority of Hollywood stars and the mainstream media have done everything in their power to destroy her. No major network newsman has ever said that he gets a tingle up his leg when he thinks of her. (Oh they used to get tingles alright. It was just a littler further north than the leg. As for friends in Hollywood didn't producer Mark Burnett help Palin land a reality show, and didn't Bristol stay in his house in Hollywood?)

#9-A lack of respect for the Constitution: Sarah has always looked at the Constitution as a brilliant blueprint for America; a document that clearly lays out a separation of powers so that no one person or group of people have absolute power. (Okay well Palin's ignorance of the Constitution is well documented. She respects it just like she respects the Bible. Which is another thing she has never read and could not possibly understand.)

#10-A doubt in our Creator: Every big decision Sarah makes has been based on prayer. (Which explains why she never misses a Sunday at church. Oh wait, that's right she never goes.)


I wonder if your lips get chapped kissing this much ass?

I can hardly wait for Chuckie's next top ten list.

My suggested title; "Ten lies I tell people about my sister so they will give me money."