Levi and Sunny Johnston: What the tabloids DON'T tell you.

So before we jump into any of the reams of information that Levi and Sunny shared with me over the last two and a half years, I thought I would clear up a couple of misconceptions.

First off they are both much better looking in person than they appear in photographs.

(No I am not kidding.)

Secondly they are deeply in love and committed to their marriage, despite numerous attempts to tear them apart.

Thirdly they are great parents.

That last one is kind of a big deal to me, as I often judge people by how they are with children.

Sunny is a devoted and doting mom, and Levi is a giant marshmallow around his daughters.

Even on Levi's first visit to my house, when he was sizing me up and trying to be all tough and stoic, around his little girl (There was only one at the time) he was a big puddle of mush.

Which in my world is the sign of a real man.

It might also interest you to know that Levi is not the barely coherent Jethro Bodine caricature that we have been led to believe that he was.

In fact he is quite articulate and intelligent, in his own way.

While Levi is not what you would consider an intellectual in the strictest sense of the word, he is an incredibly capable young man.

For instance right now Levi is building a house for his mother to live in.

Now I can quote Shakespeare and argue philosophy with the best of them, but if I built my mother a house the odds are good that the roof would cave in and crush her the minute she closed the door behind her.

I have also gone fishing with Levi, and the guy knows everything about fishing in Alaska.

Everything.

In fact he almost lives in the woods, hunting and fishing, when he is not working 12 hour days to support his family.

(Before you get any ideas I have already locked up Levi as my go to guy in the case of a Zombie Apocalypse.)



So that's the good part, the not so good part is that Levi is incredibly non-confrontational and somewhat naive. Which means that after I helped him to get himself an attorney, and things were moving along nicely (Anybody remember the Anchorage brawl?) Bristol met and got engaged to Dakota, and without saying a word to me Levi agreed to a new custody agreement that would allow Bristol to take Tripp to live with her in Kentucky. (God I hate court ordered confidentiality agreements.)

Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Well I certainly did not empty most of my savings account so that Levi could lose his son, and have him raised by some stranger in Kentucky. I needed to do something.

So I did.

Once that was all taken care of we were back on track.

Except that this damn thing was dragging on for way too long. And during that time Bristol was leaking information to the press that either attacked Levi over unpaid child support, or was about everything between them being worked out, both of which I knew to be untrue.

So Sunny decided to go public and tell the truth. (Well, she had a little encouragement.)

Of course since the Palins cannot handle the truth Sunny had to take it down, but since nobody is able to exert that kind of control over me, I left it up.  (As well as a few others which followed.)

As anticipated, thanks to that kind of public pressure, things got back on track which led to Bristol trying to spin the narrative to suggest that she and Levi are totally in sync when it comes to parenting Tripp. (She even called him a "great dad.")

I will take a moment here to let the snickering and giggles stop.

Done now?

Okay so I assume that some of you are wondering what happens now that the custody case is all settled and Dakota is back in the picture. Good question, don't know.

Here is what I do know. These blog posts are not going unnoticed, and people are getting agitated.

(Yeah, like who didn't see that coming?)

So in what could perhaps be seen as an overabundance of caution I sent those screenshots I mentioned earlier to my daughter who is down in the states working, and to my pal Dennis Zaki who is currently up here but will be going back to the lower forty eight fairly soon.

However while doing that my paranoia kicked in, so I stayed up late last night and wrote several posts containing all of that information which are now scheduled to publish on their own in the next several weeks. That is unless I delete them or push them forward on the calendar.

In other words for the slow thinkers among you that means if something terrible happens to me then the information goes out all on its own.

Having said all of that I promised Levi and Sunny that I would not share any of that here on IM, and  I am a man of my word.

I am not suggesting in any way that there is not some very juicy information to share by the way, there is. And it is about some of your favorite topics. But what I am talking about in particular focuses on Bristol and could dramatically disrupt her life and quite likely cause her brand new marriage to be just as brief as her previous engagement.

And wouldn't that be a shame?

To be clear the ONLY thing that is keeping me from sharing that, as it is quite newsworthy in a tabloid magazine kind of way, is my promise to Sunny and Levi.

If they decide that Bristol is going back on her word, I hit publish.

If something leaks in the media which attacks Levi or Sunny, I hit publish.

If something bad happens to Levi or Sunny, I hit publish.

And of course if I fail to delete the posts, or move them forward on the calendar, they publish on their own.

Now by this point if you are one of the Palins you are probably thinking, what if he's bluffing?

That's what I would be wondering.

Well as it turns out there are a few screenshots that I have not yet promised not to share.

This is probably the most innocuous.

This is Levi begging Bristol to allow Tripp to go to a birthday party at a swimming pool with his sister. I am going to leave off Bristol's response, like I promised I would, but you should know that it's pretty ugly.

It is also only one of dozens of screenshots of conversations between Levi, Sunny, and a number of other people who have some very interesting and frankly disturbing things to share.

Later in the day today Levi will call me and ask me not to share any more of these, and I will agree.

After all, we're friends.

And as long as he's okay with keeping these in the vault, I'm okay with keeping them in the vault.