As the famous daughter to former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin celebrates her birthday Tuesday, it's impossible not to highlight the past 12 months that have been filled with milestones and memorable moments.
Shortly before celebrating Christmas, Bristol welcomed a beautiful baby girl into her family. "My sweet Sailor Grace was born yesterday, our family couldn't be more complete," she shared from the hospital. "My heart just doubled."
The article then skims the surface of Bristol's custody battle with Levi, but completely glosses over her court battle with Dakota to first establish that the baby was his, and then his fight to get some kind of custody.
Bristol would address the development in a lengthy Instagram post. "These babies are my world and I will always be doing what is best for them. Every child deserves two loving parents, so I will continue to encourage that no matter what. I have never, and will never, keep them from having a positive relationship with their fathers," she wrote. "I did not 'lose' any custody case—my son has always spent most of his time with me and he will continue to do so, he is happy, healthy, and knows both of his parents love him."
Ultimately, everything changed when Bristol said "I Do" to her on-again, off-again boyfriend Dakota Meyer in June.
"We are so happy to share with loved ones the wonderful news that we got married!" the couple announced to Entertainment Tonight. "Hard work and God's grace are the foundation of our new life together, and with the love and support of our family we know we can get through anything."
As all of you here know that custody battle with Levi was ugly as hell, and the only reason that he ended up with what he did is because she was freaked out by the fact that he might start going to the media. In the end she acquiesced to his demands just to get him to stop talking to me.
(Which of course he did. Probably.)
As for Dakota well she just pulled a reverse Donald Trump on him and grabbed him with her.....uh....what are we calling it these days? Kitty cat?
Now hat she has him safely..uh..kitty cat whipped, she can go on and pretend this was the plan all along.
The article then refers to a number of Bristol's Instagram posts insisting that everything is perfect in her sad little life, and ends with this completely nonsensical quote which she undoubtedly stole from an equally ignorant Instagram user:
"Life is full of ups and downs but in the end, you'll end up where you're supposed to be."
Bristol should visit a hospital burn unit or a battered woman's shelter sometime and spout her nonsense to them. I am sure they would have quite an interesting reaction.
So I was kind of waiting for Bristol to introduce her shiny new life to the tabloids and start trying to increase her name recognition for whatever she and her mother have planned next.
As of right now it appears that her short term plan is to continue using her kids to hawk these ridiculous energy drinks, but I am confident that they have a more complex long term plan in mind.
And I think it very likely centers around Dakota.
After all their name is shit right now, especially after Trump loses this election, and their only hope of reinventing themselves is as the wife and mother-in-law of a Medal of Honor winner.