Bill Maher eviscerated the Republicans last night on Real Time. And it was glorious.

I do not typically use words like eviscerate, or overdo hyperbole, however Maher really outdid himself last night.

Here is the transcript: 

“Someone has to tell me what’s magic about a capital R,” Bill Maher asked. “The kind that goes after your name if you are a Republican. Because if you have one of those, you can get away with pretty much anything when it comes to selling out, cursing out, or compromising your own country.” 

“When it was Hillary Clinton with an unsecured email server, Republicans wanted to ‘lock her up,”He continued. “But President Trump still uses the unsecured Android phone he had before he got elected. And he has been warned that with an old consumer grade phone like that someone could easily hack into his Twitter account and start posting crazy messages. And how would we be able to tell?” 

"So a couple of weeks before the Superbowl Bill O'Reilly asked Trump why he always defended Putin, who O'Reilly said was a killer? A reasonable question, since the last two guys who were as cozy as Putin and Trump held their bilateral talks on Brokeback Mountain."

"But again Trump took Putin's side over America, saying 'We got killers here too. You think our country's so innocent?' If a Democrat said that before the Superbowl they would be in Guantanamo Bay by halftime. Same as they would they did this."

 
“But if you have the magic (R), no problem. Trump repeatedly said he was going to donate to military charities. Then didn’t. Then lied about it. He compared our intelligence agencies to Nazis. He said McCain, who spent five years in a Vietnamese prison, wasn’t a war hero because ‘I like people who weren’t captured.” 

“I gotta got to say to all you flag waving Right Wingers who always say, ‘I am not just going to stand here and let you run down America,’ You are standing there and letting Trump run down America,” Maher remarked. “Donald Trump could go to the Tomb of the Unknown Soldiers and say, ‘Maybe if he had done something he wouldn’t be so unknown.’ And Republicans would be okay with that too.” 

"When Trump said I can stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn't lose voters, he wasn't making a joke. He's never made a joke. Unless his entire life is some kind of Andy Kaufman style performance art, in which case stop it."

"No he was simply stating an actual fact for once, which is if you have the magic (R) after your name you can drive a Hummer through a day care center and Fox News will say the babies were 'asking for it.'"

"Meanwhile in an alternative universe where a Democrat is President, Obama once said 'We have no been perfect.' And for eight years the Republicans screamed that he was on an eight year apology tour. They lost their shit whenever there as a picture of him committing high crimes like not having his hand over his heart during a song. Or saluting with coffee in his hand."

Maher then pointed out that W. once saluted with a dog in his arms, and that he sat frozen for seven minutes after hearing the country was under attack on 9-11.

"And Republicans defended THAT and we all just accept this. America is the Republican party's bitch, and they can criticize and betray her, but YOU can't. Even though Obama spent two terms talking up the troops, talking up the country, how much he loved it, how 'in no other country is my story even possible.' It didn't matter, the conservatives all nodded when Rudy Giuliani said 'I do not believe that President Obama loves America.' As opposed to Giuliani who happened to be mayor on 9-11 so that made him America's mayor and a hero whose great act of heroism is that nothing fell on his head. To paraphrase Donald Trump, I like mayors who don't let towers collapse. 

"A few weeks ago an old but very smoking gun emerged from the Nixon era. When it came out that in 1968 when President Lyndon Johnson was trying to end the war in Vietnam candidate Richard Nixon was actively, purposefully, undermining the peace talks because he wanted the war to go on so he could have it as an election issue."

"You would think that the America First crowd would find that a bridge too far. Fuck no." 

"Dick Cheney once outed a CIA agent just to say 'Fuck you' to her husband.  Reagan sold weapons to Iran, a country they all want to bomb now, in an brazened defiance of American law. And instead of being impeached he was elevated to sainthood and now rides horses in heaven with Jesus.”

“Why do Republicans get away with this? Why do they have patriotic immunity? America is like a dysfunctional family. The Democrats, are the older mature son who works hard and does everything right, but somehow it is never good enough. And the Republicans are the young asshole son who is a fuck-up and it doesn’t matter how many times he crashes the Camaro, daddy buys him a new one.”

"I know it's not really important, like which department stores are selling Ivanka's panty liners. You know ALL of America's intelligence agencies say a foreign power tampered with our election to favor the Republican, and they say also that they don't trust that republican, our president, with our state secrets, and yet the theme of Trumps inaugural was 'America First.' Please, his ego is first, his hotels are second, Russia's third, I'd be surprised if  America made the top ten." 

See, what did I tell you?

Those are excellent points to which I would really like a Republican to try and provide a reasonable response.