Friday, June 30, 2017

Thanks to Trump's pal Alex Jones NASA needs to literally issue a statement debunking the idea that they have a colony of kidnapped child sex slaves on Mars.

Courtesy of the Daily Beast:  

A report on Alex Jones’ InfoWars claiming child sex slaves have been kidnapped and shipped to Mars is untrue, NASA told The Daily Beast on Thursday. “There are no humans on Mars. There are active rovers on Mars. 

There was a rumor going around last week that there weren’t. There are,” Guy Webster, a spokesperson for Mars exploration at NASA, told The Daily Beast. “But there are no humans.” 

On Thursday’s program, the InfoWars host welcomed guest Robert David Steele onto The Alex Jones Show, which airs on 118 radio stations nationwide, to talk about kidnapped children he said have been sent on a two-decade mission to space. 

“We actually believe that there is a colony on Mars that is populated by children who were kidnapped and sent into space on a 20-year ride,” said Steele. “So that once they get to Mars they have no alternative but to be slaves on the Mars colony.”

“Look, I know that 90 percent of the NASA missions are secret and I’ve been told by high level NASA engineers that you have no idea. There is so much stuff going on,” Jones said.

I know what you're thinking, "No way Gryph, that is even too crazy for Alex Jones."

But then there 's video.

 Thought I was fucking with you, didn't you?

Just in case you could not get all the way through that (And seriously who could blame you?), I should tell you that this Guy Webster dude also said this: 

Steele alleged the kidnapped children were not only being kidnapped for space labor, but also murdered for their blood and bone marrow. 

"Pedophilia does not stop with sodomizing children,” said Steele. “It goes straight into terrorizing them to adrenalize their blood and then murdering them. It also includes murdering them so that they can have their bone marrow harvested as well as body parts.”

“This is the original growth hormone,” said Jones.

I should point something that many of you may have already noticed, and that is that obviously if it takes 20 years to travel from here to Mars, on ships that we do not yet have the technology to build, that the humans landing there could hardly still be considered children, which kind of undermines this whole pedophilia harvesting their blood conspiracy theory.

Of course it goes without saying that it is certainly not the only illogical part of this bizarre claim.

And please keep in mind that Alex Jones is the man about whom Donald Trump once made the following statement: 

“Your reputation is amazing. I will not let you down.”

And THAT is why NASA felt compelled to issue a statement about a batshit crazy conspiracy theory that nobody with two brain cells to rub together could ever possibly believe.

I should probably note that NASA does indeed have plans to one day send people to Mars, and is even running experiments right now to prepare for that eventuality.

However there is no talk of pedophilia, slavery, or Alex Jones connected to any of it.


  1. Anonymous5:00 PM

    Umm you can't harvest bone marrow from dead oeople. Gee if we could, there'd be a lot more donors available!

  2. Anonymous5:02 PM

    I am so fucking tired of stupid people saying stupid things just to be infamous so they can spew their low self esteem on the rest of us. Just sayin.

    Lol, Mitch McConnell is fucked. 'Bout time.


    1. Anonymous7:26 PM

      I want to see Trump and McConnell run out of their party and D.C. Would be breathtaking!!!

  3. Anonymous5:16 PM

    Trump is just about as Looney Tunes as Alex Jones.

  4. Anonymous5:30 PM

    Jesus, Mary and Joseph and the Ass that took them to Egypt. Mr Steele can ACTUALLY BELIEVE whatever the hell he ACTUALLY wants to but that doesn't make it ACTUALLY TRUE.


  5. Anonymous5:43 PM

    We actually have the technology to travel to Mars in less than 3 years but we don't have the ship and don't have the ability to know whether or not humans will be able to weather the trip physically.

    Still, this kind of shit, even if there is one person that believes it, is indicative of the incredibly poor state of education and associated intelligence here in the failing country of America.

    A majority of the population worships the "Lardassians" and takes what folks like Alex Jones say as the gospel, not to mention all the idiots that are hung up on the "gospel", the stupid christian kind, as well.

    Abandon all hope folks, 'Merica is done.

    1. Anonymous8:51 PM

      If Gryph will let this through, I was raised Christian and have no idea why religion and science can't peacefully co-exist, and am DONE with the Alex Jones types.

    2. Anonymous7:23 AM

      @8:51 How old are you?

    3. Leland7:41 AM

      @ 8:51

      Congratulations! You just differentiated between yourself and the rest of the jackasses on the far right!

  6. Anonymous6:34 PM

    Why Mars? Isn't there a pizza place in DC they could take them to?

  7. Anonymous6:48 PM

    Can we send Sarah, Todd and Track on a rescue mission to save the children?

    1. Anonymous9:11 PM

      Mars needs moms.

  8. Anonymous7:02 PM

    After reading this, I need (1) a hot shower, (2) disinfectant for my monitor screen, and (3) a really, really strong drink.

  9. Anonymous7:25 PM

    The Republican party draws the very worst white guys to its party! Deplorable! Beginning w/the liar and fraud, Donald Trump. They are literally in one big mess!

  10. Anonymous8:05 PM

    American intelligentsia at its finest!

    OMG, this is the "humanity" that is described as American Exceptionalism

    I'm again getting the urge to move to somewhere in Europe....a feeling that started Nov 9th of last year

  11. Anonymous8:27 PM

    I have a friend whose son is in aeronautical engineering in college and hopes to be on that first mission. He's 20. And smart as a whip. So smart he got a full ride to college including 2 round trip plane tickets home a year. And summer internships at NASA.
    Why is Alex Jones such a dick? He can't believe the garbage he spews. What's the point?

    1. Leland7:44 AM

      Isn't Jones the asshole who claimed he didn't really believe all this crap when he was in a custody battle? That it was just a radio persona?

      Shit! The man can't even tell the truth in court!

  12. Really? Child sex slaves on Mars? Who are the customers? Martians? Do the Martians have Visa cards, or do they have to pay cash? If the Martians have to pay in cash, and NASA flies that cash back to Earth, what bank accepts Mars money?

    It is a head-scratcher, ain't it?

    1. Anonymous12:49 AM

      Must be some mumbo jumbo code for who/where is doing what. Gees Alex, just spit it out already.

    2. Leland7:44 AM

      Maybe they use Bit coin?

    3. Anonymous1:48 PM

      Simple explanation here. Alex Jones wishes he had sex slaves to service him but it's all in his head. No one could stand that damn voice of his and they couldn't get past the blubber to see his weenie dick let alone use it to f%#2 anybody.

  13. Anonymous11:27 PM

    Notice how "they" just toss all sortsa shit out there. I mean it's crazy. I just watched a movie callled Split by M. Night, and Trump and cohorts are like that, split personality. I feel that it is a grand ploy to drive the rest of us crazy.

  14. Anonymous12:48 AM

    20 years? How much in the way of food would you need to feed one person for that amount of time? How many people is the "lardassian" talking about? Plus the adults acting as guards. This almost sounds like a really cheap pulp novel

  15. Anonymous3:45 AM

    Adrenaline is not a growth hormone.

    And, as others have pointed out, the economics of feeding and providing oxygen for children for a 20-year trip to Mars is so much more expensive than stashing them in a non-existant basement of a pizza shop.

  16. Anonymous4:37 AM

    I think the FBI needs to take a serious look at t his loon's computer. He is really obsessed with "child sex rings". Sets off a lot of alarm bells.

    1. Leland7:45 AM

      Hhhmmm. Probably not a bad idea.

  17. These people take my breath away - and not in a wonderful way. JFC could they get any more stupid (that, by the way, is not a challenge)?

  18. WA Skeptic7:51 AM

    I can just visualize the poor NASA guy who actually had to make a serious press release denying this stupidity. He's probably thinking "Why didn't I go to med school???"

  19. Anonymous1:39 PM

    Didn't Jones' ex-wife say that everything he does is just a schtick? He's as full of shit as Cheetolini.

  20. Anonymous1:50 PM

    Alex Jones needs to get a real job and quit living off of OPM. He wouldn't last one day doing real manual labor.


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