Saturday, July 01, 2017

Holy crap! Now they're coming right into our houses!

Sure, he looks adorable. But then all of the screaming and flesh tearing starts.
Courtesy of Alaska Dispatch:

Eleven-year-old Zach Landis will never forget the sound of a black bear bursting through the double-paned window of his bedroom late Monday.Zach said he shot upright when he woke to the crash. He saw a figure the size of a grown man in his room. In the darkness and clamor, he struggled to make out what was near the foot of his bed. He watched it scratch at the walls and climb back through the window from which it entered before he could let out a scream and figure out what he had just witnessed — a bear crashing in and out of his garden-level bedroom. 

The boy ran so fast from his room that he slipped twice on his way upstairs. His parents, Alisa and Jon Landis, were asleep when their alarmed son woke them. 

"I said, 'Mom, Dad, there's a bear in my room,' " Zach recalled.

"My first reaction was, 'You must be having a bad dream,' " said his mother. The story seemed implausible.

Well in fact it was plausible, a black bear DID in fact perpetrate a home invasion into Zach's room.

Now there have been a few stories like this up here in Alaska over the years, though they are quite rare, but this one comes on the heels of two bear fatalities, and a number of attacks.

And this is especially concerning since the Landis family lives literally just up the road from my house, and guess who has a sliding glass door leading to the backyard from their bedroom. 

Now look I have started taking all of the appropriate precautions when hiking in the national park near my house.

I walk on open, well traveled trails only.

I make sure to hike with a partner.

I make lots of noise while hiking.

And I keep an eye out for any sign of bear activity near the trails.

However I am in no way prepared for a bear actually jumping through my window in the middle of the night.

I mean sure I do have a samurai sward near the bed, but somehow I do not feel that is adequate.

So I think we should establish some damn rules with our ursine neighbors.

I will not get between you and your cubs, or disturb you while you are eating a tourist, if you will stay the hell out of our bedrooms at night.

Seems fair, don't you think? 


  1. Anonymous3:19 AM

    Yeah, that samurai "sward" isn't going to be much help.

    Hey, maybe they're Russian bears that Trump colluded to bring in to scare the children and eat all the food.

    1. Anonymous7:41 PM

      I'm sure he meant to spell it that way. You know, a "samurai sward" as in not a real sword but you can use it to cut salami.

  2. Anonymous3:42 AM

    Glad this bear story ended peacefully. Bears! Have they no boundaries?!?!

    Seriously, what's going on? Are they hungry and looking for food?

  3. Anonymous4:20 AM

    Well, now that Trumps America says it's ok to shoot hibernating bears in their winter dens seems like an even trade-off.

  4. Anonymous4:46 AM

    "God has a plan for that child."

    So says the article.

    Guess he didn't have a plan for the newlywed biologist who was mauled to death.

    1. Anonymous7:15 AM

      Yeah, and God had a plan for 6 million Jews, but I guess it fell through. Didn't pass the planning commission for permitting.

    2. Anonymous8:05 AM

      This plan?
      "The number of refugees, asylum-seekers and internally displaced people around the world has topped 65 million, the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees said Monday. As of December 2015, there were 65.3 million displaced people, according to a report from the refugee agency.
      Jun 20, 2016"

      100 Million Homeless.
      {soon starving}

  5. Anonymous5:03 AM

    It's just nature reclaiming what was lost to humans.

  6. Put a Palin cutout at your door: even a bear will run screaming.

    1. Anonymous7:19 AM

      it wouldn't come within 500 yards if you spray it with Scent O Sarah. Now available at popular sporting goods stores nationwide.

  7. Anonymous10:26 AM

    Honest question: Are you allowed to kill them? We have a problem with random cougars in outlying areas from time to time. It has always bothered me. Man took over their area, not the other way around.

    1. Yes we can kill them if we feel we are in danger.

      But some have interpreted that to mean any bear that comes too close to their property.

  8. Anonymous11:27 AM

    Here in the wilds of upper B.C. the tourists are all sold jingle bells to wear on their wrists to scare the bear away. Everyone is taught to watch for bear scat. Any scat with jingle bells in it means a grizzly is near.

    1. Anonymous1:45 PM


      Happy 150th birthday!

  9. Anonymous12:19 PM

    The bears were there first. People should stop encroaching on their habitat, especially Alaskan overbreeders like you-know-who.

  10. Anonymous1:48 PM

    If the bear came crashing through the window perhaps it saw its reflection and mistook it for another bear giving him the evil eye.

  11. Grey One talks sass4:38 PM

    It is my understanding a border of urine will alert the bear that the property is claimed. I goggled the question to be sure and found as many yes it helps as nope it's not of use.

    To be safe it might help to piddle along the property line. At least the bear will know they are trespassing. If hunger, deep hunger is the driver the claiming might not help.

  12. Anonymous5:01 PM

    Some of us have been having a lot of fun in the comments at ADN because the mother said that "god had a plan for her son" because he was spared from the bear...ha, ha, ha. We've been poking lots of fun, because really, it would have been god that sent the bear into the room right? So why only credit your silly god with good outcomes and not blame him for the initial incident.

    Silly people, glad the kid is okay but damn kid, go find new parents because yours are really stupid.

  13. Anonymous9:05 PM

    Last summer in Forest Falls CA, about 60 miles from LA,a woman got a depredation permit to kill a bear that repeatedly broke into her home.

    She was then shamed by the community. You would have thought she killed Bambi or something.


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