Welcome to Sarah Palin's mythology.

From USA Weekend:

Welcome to Palin Central, a remote lakeside outpost where, for one recent afternoon, the woman in the headlines opened her home for an up-close look at her life.

What we found during three harried, uncensored hours was a working mom who gives new meaning to the term “multitasking.” One minute Palin, 46, is making a baby bottle, checking the latest stream of e-mails on her BlackBerry and asking Piper, 9, if she wants a playdate; the next she’s dashing out the back door, taking off her dangle earrings and doing a live TV shot on, yes, health care reform for Fox News. And this is all during our interview.

And this essentially is the Sarah Palin mythology that I referred to in the headline. A frazzled, yet relatively normal, family all pulling together to deal with Sarah's fame, two toddlers, and the Alaska lifestyle. All for one, and one for all.

Now my job essentially is to identify the lies, disinformation, and bullshit and then reveal the truth that all of it is designed to disguise.  It is a fairly simple scenario that has played out a number of times on this blog.

But rather then spend a whole lot of time disassembling the house of cards that Sarah has, oh so carefully, constructed let's just cut to the chase.

Essentially the entire thing is bullshit, with bits of truth scattered throughout like undigested corn.

There that was easy wasn't it?  Look how much reading I saved you!

So instead of addressing the lies let's just focus on the truths.  It will take less time.  I have a life you know.

Inside, the barely controlled chaos flows over a hectic household in which each member is expected to do and make do. “We do the cooking. We do the cleaning. We all do the laundry,” Palin says.

True, except by "we" Sarah means the girls and Todd.  Sarah is the ringmaster and they are expected to perform when commanded.  Now you know why Track. Bristol, and Willow have had some behavioral "difficulties".

“We just want to get from point A to point B and get the job done. I don’t waste time; I’m too busy.”

True, and I don't think this requires clarification.

As she promotes a growing Palin empire, her family is held together by trim, blue-eyed Todd.

True. The more I learn about Todd Palin the more I come to understand that he is the only REAL parent in the house, and the one the kids go to for support and affection.  Todd has a lot of flaws, but he loves his kids and most often puts his needs secondary to the needs of the family.  His snowmachine racing and work shop are the things that keep him sane.

“He gets up at 4:30, changes Trig, feeds him in the high chair,” then drives Willow to high school 14 miles away, only to come home and ferry Piper to grade school.

Mostly true.  Yes Todd drives Willow to school at Colony High in Palmer, about 14 miles away from their home on Lake Lucille.  However I have no idea if, and how often, Piper goes to school.  Just based on how often we see her out of state with Sarah it cannot be very damn much.

Only two weeks earlier, Bristol moved into her first-ever apartment in Anchorage, 45 miles away, where she works as an assistant in a dermatologist’s office. There, she is learning to cope as a single working teenage mother.

Well as most of you know I was the first person to stumble across the information that Bristol was living in Anchorage, so of course this falls into the true category. (For the doubters among you let me reassure you that I have independently confirmed this with four different sources so far)  I am less confident that she is working at a dermatologists office.  If true I have no confirmation of that fact. (Update: Okay I unexpectedly DID get confirmation that Bristol was working in a "skin doctor's office".  My source was not positive she was STILL working there, but she had in the past so I am going to put it in the "true" category.)

However I do know that she has a pretty serious boyfriend, and that there is some speculation that he is the mysterious roommate that Bristol mentioned on the View.  (How is that "hopey abstinent-y thing" working out for you Bristol?  Was that too mean?)

Palin makes no apologies for the impact her frenetic lifestyle and fame has had on her children. “They’re quite independent, and they’re thick-skinned,” she says proudly. “Those are some attributes that any parent would want for their kids.

Okay I know I said I would focus on just the truths, but I just can't let this one stand.  The truth is that most of the family seems VERY thin skinned, and I think most of us have already seen evidence of that. So once again remember the rule when listening to Sarah Palin, "Everyday is opposite day in Sarah's world!"  If she says something, simply believe the exact opposite and you will do just fine.

Now to wrap this up I am going to skip revealing another potential scandal concerning the Palins and instead hopefully send a message to the family.  I have heard from a couple of sources that Track is not doing very well.  Track is not currently doing a publicity tour, or pimping himself out to make money off of his mom's fame, so since he is living his life out of the spotlight I am going to respect his privacy.  But according to my sources he may need some support, maybe even from a professional.

That is all I am going to mention about it, so Sarah, or Todd, if you still read this blog do some checking and make sure your boy is alright.  If somebody else is reading this on their behalf then get them the message.  Because if things keep going the way they currently are you could have another problem on your hands. A really big one. (If you take another look at the picture attached above you can probably judge for yourself that he is not a happy guy)

The thing about myths is that they are not supposed to be taken literally.  They are a colorful, entertaining stories containing a hidden message.  The message hidden in Sarah's mythology is not uplifting or instructive, it is dark and dangerous.  The twisted, misleading web she weaves is designed to distract us and hide the truth that she desperately struggles to keep hidden.  Sadly the web also holds captive her family, who may move to different cities, or attend neighboring schools, but still find themselves held prisoner by Sarah's desire to create a carefully crafted image and keep certain secrets from seeing the light of day.