Saturday, May 21, 2011

Happy Rapture Day!


I hate to be the one to point this out, but if you are reading this, you my friend are a SINNER!

I think I am going to spend all day walking up and down my block, ringing the doorbells of my uber religious neighbors. And when they come to the door I am just going to point and laugh.

By the way, THAT'S why I did not get raptured, what's your excuse?

81 comments:

  1. Anonymous1:08 AM

    comments from another blog:
    ..Willow Palin had her eyebrows waxed for graduation by Auntie Wendy Palin. Willow told Wendy that in church on Mother's Day it was announced that Track and Britta had gotten married. Willow told Aunt Wendy that yes indeedy....Britta is pregnant. No one was at the wedding......... just the parents.

    It is clear that Willow had no clue the wedding had taken place until it was over. This is just sooooo Presidential, don't cha think? ;0)

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  2. Just after midnight AKDT, the first? sizable e'quake made its debut in all places --- 5.0 in western Alaska!!

    If this doesn't end up being the start of the Enrapture, I'm betting it's Russia setting off undergrounds to widen the strait to keep certain eyes off their bidness.

    Knew I should have bought more Tillamook ice cream. Going out full of Choc/Peanut Butter or Caramel Butter Pecan would be nearly merciful.

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  3. hauksdottir2:02 AM

    Um, Gryphen... they are supposed to be naked, not even their crackberries or cellphones. No live-tweeting. No instant-posting to YouTube.

    Peace on earth.

    Quiet.

    Are they gone yet?

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  4. angela2:16 AM

    I did not get raptured because I don't believe in sky fairies. But I do believe in the ones that take your teeth and a photo of you from prom, then leaves The Nation subscription under your pillow.

    What?1 . . . . . .This has never happened to anyone?

    ok, never-mind.

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  5. Anonymous2:36 AM

    "I hate to be the one to point this out, but if you are reading this, you my friend are a SINNER!"


    So you are assuming that we will not be able to get IM in Heaven.

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  6. Anonymous2:57 AM

    i'm a European socialist

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  7. Anonymous3:12 AM

    My excuse is that I cannot bring myself to love Sarah Palin, but then, she didn't get raptured either!

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  8. Anonymous3:21 AM

    I missed the Rapture Bus because I was next door mowing my neighbor's lawn and Jebus didn't know where to find me.

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  9. Good morning, looks like we are all here again.

    Has anyone checked to see if Lou Sarah is in her igloo this morning, I hope she is missing in action (for the good of the country).

    Well, I did see her (not pregnant) over at Oz Mudflats in a red coat bending way over. Oh Sarah, gotcha!

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  10. I'm not a Christian. That's MY excuse. But maybe I'll finally be rid of my ex-mother-in-law. That would be worth a few earthquakes.

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  11. LoveAndKnishesFromBrooklyn3:33 AM

    Happy Rupture, er, Rapture to you! Enjoy the day. Leave piles of clothes and shoes around on the sidewalk so the ultra religious can panic and wonder why they weren't taken, too. And if it really DOES happen, just think of all the tasty looting us heathens can accomplish. But we only have five months to do it--according to a friend, we scoundrels who are left behind will have October 21st to look forward to, before which we'll all be living in hell on earth and will be judged for every miserable thing we've ever done in our lives. Then the world will REALLY, TRULY end in a dramatic upheaval. I wish whoever is coordinating this little farewell bash would make up their minds!

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  12. Anonymous3:39 AM

    Seven o'clock and all is well... sun is up and so is Jeremia Bullfrog grunting from his drain pipe hiding place... Life Is Good!

    Gryphen,Beware! It is not 6:00am in your time zone, so hold your triumphant thoughts! (Ya know, don't count your chickens before the eggs hatch?) Maybe the whole rapture thing will ignore that hated scientific UTC or Greenwich Mean Time thingy and begin in one of the deeply, darkly fanatic time zones? Well, maybe the East Coast is not quite as lunatic as some other area? So many questions and no answers YET...

    All early morning silliness aside, I would not want that gigantic religious zealotry hangover that some of these fools will have this morning.

    Ripped off again by religious snake oil sellers!

    What again was the definition of insanity? Repeating something over and over while hoping for a different outcome.

    At any rate, to speak with Billy Joel: the sinners have much more fun! Happy Weekend Everyone!

    fromthediagonal

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  13. Merry3:41 AM

    I thought I would ask people, Are you still here?

    Have a great day.

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  14. The Mighty Aqauarian3:41 AM

    I can't get Raptured today. I have to go to my daughter's graduation. Maybe next weekend. :)

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  15. TruthSeeker3:45 AM

    Why didn't I get raptured?

    Because I still have volumes left to read about Palin's idiocy and insaneness.

    I can't just up and QUIT - not even for a rapture.

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  16. Happy Rapture Day to you too. Love the plan. Hahhahhahahaahah

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  17. Don't we have to wait till 6pm?
    We're supposed to have T storms today.
    I'll talk to you all tomorrow,. I have a feeling I will be here too

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  18. Anonymous3:51 AM

    It's 11.50pm in the 21 May 2011 in New Zealand - no signs yet so am off to bed - maybe the Lord has forgotten us all Downunder!
    Good Luck America!

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  19. KiheiKat3:54 AM

    Well, the false Xtians are still with us - dang! I was hoping they'd be "Ruptured" and sent down into the fiery pit where they belong.

    I'm in good company with you Gryphen! Am doing everything I can to make sure I never wind up in the same place as these fanatics. You know - things like having integrity, loving & helping my neighbors, tolerance and acceptance of all (except those guys. All the same traits you have.

    I found out. sometime ago, to my shock, that I AM judgmental - of judgmental, lying, hypocrites. Aw well - glad you're still sharing the planet with me G - I'd miss my many daily visits with you.

    Thank you!!!

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  20. Anonymous3:54 AM

    Happy Rapture Day ! It's 11.52pm on 21 May here in New Zealand and am now off to bed !
    Seems the Lord has spared us poor souls from Downunder!
    Good night America !

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  21. FloridaDem4:09 AM

    I completely forgot while I was finishing off my first Sam Adams last night, seriously. We didn't even get to laugh about it. You know, the thing is, none of the news outlets that featured stories of the coming rapture are going to talk about the DAY AFTER. Today, I checked aol and there's nothing there.

    Ideas and images like Armageddon and the rapture are a powerful thing. It gets in all of our psyches. These stories have been recycled throughout the centuries, right from the original mythologies straight through Christianity. And they KEEP humming along, like a catchy tune, because they resonate somewhere in our subconscious. Fire breathing preachers know it. Cult leaders know it. Even Horror film makers know how to get under our skin. In a movie theater, it's easy to explain away why your hair stands out on end or your heart races, you know it's just a reaction, it's not real. But when someone retells a tail from the bible to you, and you feel yourself having an underlying emotional reaction, it's not as easy to know it's not real.

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  22. Anonymous4:13 AM

    HellllllYea, I am going straight to hell and will have a blast getting there with my first class ticket. See ya on the way!

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  23. In all fairness to Christians, very few of them were buying into Camping's prediction. Maybe a couple thousand, tops. I don't know why the media made such a big deal of this!

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  24. Anonymous4:39 AM

    Since I believe...

    Easter is when Jesus steps out of the cave, and if he sees his shadow there will be six more weeks of winter..

    I am not worried about being "raptured".

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  25. Anonymous4:41 AM

    because I'm sane.

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  26. Anonymous4:45 AM

    My excuse ? I slept in !

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  27. Anonymous4:59 AM

    Ah, that makes sense. You are surrounded by fundamentalists in your neighborhood. No wonder you are so uptight about Christianity.

    Just for the record, the Rapture is a belief held by very few.

    I guess if everyone around you ascribes to the idea, however, it's understandable that you are erroneously placing a lot of importance on it.

    The rest of us have put it its proper context.

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  28. Beldar 'Godly' Conehead5:00 AM

    Is it really necessary to cruelly mock these devout believers at this time of their great disappointment and profound confusion?

    Um... Hell, yeah, it is!!

    (my favorite aspect of all of this is the earnest believers who quote the bible to disprove the guy who uses the same text to 'prove' this nonsense in the first place.)

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  29. Anonymous5:04 AM

    I didn't get raptured because the rapture is a misinterpretatation of a book that was written by people anyway....people who delusionally thought god was speaking through them. The only way the rapture will take place is via a hollywood movie about it, with an adapted screenplay, like any other movie that has been made from an adapted screenplay from a book some human wrote. I feel most sorry for the children of these nuts...What are they going to tell them come sunday morning? That there is a standard deviation error for the rapture of plus or minus two months?? They are going to lose the respect of their kids and the kids will be disillusioned and down righr pissed off adults when they are finally free of the indoctrination. I cant believe the amount of really smart people who fall for this shit. At my husband's company, one of the VPs, a man who graduated from from MIT, took off thurday and friday and had basically checked out for months now, beleiving he is going to heaven today. Talk about fiscal irresponsibility. My husband can't wait to say on monday "XXXX oh you're still here! Good! Lets talk about your Q2 goals .

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  30. Anonymous5:04 AM

    The Rapture is occurring at 6pm. Is that Eastern, Central, Mountain, or Pacific Time?

    Cue the Zealots, if you have to ask...blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

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  31. deebee5:13 AM

    P.S. If you go can I have your stuff?

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  32. Anonymous5:14 AM

    Isn't it supposed to happen around suppertime? (still morning here in Toronto)

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  33. Erica from Dallas5:17 AM

    Happy Rapture Day to you also.
    Maybe I am a bit jaded but I wonder if this is a publicity stunt started by the guy that runs the religious station to perk up his sagging ratings.Hummm.could it be?
    There are billboards all around Dallas with with his message to tune into his radio station for more information on the Rapture.
    Apparently he has warned us about this rapture more than once.
    Anyway,if we are here tomorrow
    I am planning a small party for friends with plenty of food and chocolate.
    Oh, everybody here is invited!!!

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  34. it's the end of the world as we know it......it's the end of the world as we know it......it's the end of the world as we know it and i feel fine ...

    what?? i can't be the only one with that song stuck in their head today ;)

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  35. Anonymous5:24 AM

    Hahah! One thread on the "Recovery from Mormonism" site asked for fashion advice for the Day-After-The-Rapture collapse of civilization.

    A poster commented a cardboard sign - reading "I'm "Left Behind", why are YOU still here??"

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  36. Anonymous5:33 AM

    Because even though I am a good person, I don't fit the bill by arbitrary and capricious biblical interpretation.

    Yesterday, before close of business, I was behind an elderly woman with a leg brace walking into a bank. I wanted to skip ahead of her and get my business done but I instead paused to keep the door open for her. Even though I got to the line before she did, I stepped aside and said she could go ahead of me.

    She asked the teller loudly (with no "inside voice" available to her anymore) if there was a rush of folks getting their money out.

    The teller (a Slavic immigrant judging from her accent) who doesn't suffer fools gladly, asked "Why?" and the elderly woman said, "Because of the Rapture?" The Slavic woman quipped without rancor, "You can't take it with you." The elderly woman seemed on the fence, considering, "Okay, I'll make my payment."

    The people in line tittered and said they wouldn't have gone to work or they'd be blowing their savings on fun if tomorrow was judgment day.

    Nice to know we are surrounded by sane people and the loud and bellicose fringe (with a surprisingly amplified voice thanks to Right Wing media powers) are rare in the regular American population.

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  37. Sinning is my guilty pleasure. :D

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  38. Anonymous5:41 AM

    Only the party people are left! Whoot!

    How unfortunate the grifter of the North is left too.

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  39. Man, did I sleep well last night. I believe that is called the "sleep of the wicked."

    I have been channel surfing, and surfing the web, this morning and have not found any proclamations of mass disappearances. I am also listening to Harold Camping's "Family Radio" and it is still broadcasting.

    Hmm, could this all have been a scam? Gee ya think?

    Anyhow my non-Rapture Day plans are to hang out with my daughter, and attend a play at a gay bar later this evening.

    So clearly there is just no hope for me.

    Have a great non-Rapture Day my friends!

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  40. Anonymous6:05 AM

    Darn I wasn't raptured. Guess I have to go into work later. Shit.

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  41. Anonymous6:06 AM

    Doesn't take place until this afternoon. So you may still have a chance.

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  42. Olivia6:19 AM

    The REAL BIG question of the day is...Is Harold Camping still here? How about his faithful followers?

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  43. Anonymous6:20 AM

    So the Palin/Heath tradition continues.

    Like Grandma, like Mom ==> Bristol

    Like Grandpa, like Dad ==> Track

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  44. Anonymous6:25 AM

    Gryphen, you are day early --- May 21st at 4 pm. Eastern Time. Parts of the world may have already started into the 21st, but according to my calendar it is just now the 21st - 9:24 a.m. CDT. Many hours to go yet for us here in the Midwest. Still, you'd think parts east across the Atlantic would already be involved.

    Sarah will never get Raputured anyway - too full of hate and envy.

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  45. track the rapture quakes around the globe............

    http://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/recenteqsww/

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  46. Anonymous6:40 AM

    "Maybe a couple thousand, tops. I don't know why the media made such a big deal of this!"

    There are a helluva lot more than a few thousand when the ministry that spewed this crap is worth well over $120 MILLION due to donations. Yep you read that right.

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  47. Doesn't this mean that Sarah will be gone by tomorrow?

    Boy, the prayer warriors are gonna be disappointed.

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  48. Miss Demeanor7:21 AM

    Six Feet Under - my favorite television series is why I will not take flight - buck naked - today.
    Remember the episode that started with the bundle of blow-up porn dolls escaping from their net, flying into the sky, and the woman stepping out into the roadway muttering about the rapture, right before she's hit by a car? I laughed so hard I cried.

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  49. Anonymous7:23 AM

    Boy, those folks who put those billboards up all over the Carolinas are gonna be pissed....

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  50. Arfur7:33 AM

    I wish we had some "rapturees in my neighbourhood (I'm Canadian, eh?). We could barge into their house and just take over the place. Pretend we don't see them, like they've been raised up, gone, not there, gone to meet their Maker, deceased parrots. Start pulling food out of the fridge, flop on the couch, spilling stuff on the rugs, roam around picking the place apart, exploring the closets and laughing at their wardrobe and doing other mischievous stuff (actually, I'm kind of a novice at housebreaking/wrecking so suggestions are kinda lame).

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  51. Anonymous7:34 AM

    I slept in this morning and decided to wait to mow the lawn until Sunday even though my neighbor thinks her small child is missing in the weeds out by my garage. What's the point really. If I'm going to go then God can mow the lawn or leave it for the ones left behind. Suppose I could drink the last of a great single malt today, can get started about noon so if I'm not chosen that means I'll have to mow the back forty with a hangover. I better get picked or I'm screwed

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  52. Anonymous7:44 AM

    I agree, many Christians don't believe the rapture BS, but the "Left Behind" series (which we know Sarah Palin purchased in triplicate for the Wasilla library during her tenure as mayor--thanks, Geoffrey Dunn!) conveyed the idea that the rapture is a fundamental and universally accepted aspect of Christianity.

    I heard the "Left Behind" authors speak once, and Tim LaHaye freaked me out. He had Charles Manson eyes. My impression at the time was that he was a truly evil man--and this isn't an impression I've had of anyone else I've ever encountered.

    I just found out that there's a connection by marriage between some of my relatives and the Camping family. I don't know details, but the story is that the Campings are "sick, sick people." Big shock to everyone here, I know!

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  53. Anonymous7:49 AM

    Judging by image you posted, G, only thin women with large breasts and fit men with conventionally appealing physiques will be raptured. So I guess Sarah will be stickin' around. And Bristol also, too.

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  54. Anonymous8:04 AM

    The "rapture" is another twist of scripture. I remember years ago folks sitting with their kids on rooftops in Arkansas waiting to be raptured. I remember a small group who dressed up waiting for that spaceship and when it didn't come, they all committed suicide. And I remember another prediction back in the 70s. All the planets were lining up or something.

    Matthew Chapter 24.

    That chapter contains parables of Jesus about his second coming. Those left after the harvest will be left dead, at Verse 28 (KJV):

    -For wheresoever the carcase is, there will the eagles be gathered together.

    And like the day when Noah entered the ark, at Verse 39:

    -And knew not until the flood came, and took them all away; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.

    And he said at Verse 36:

    -But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.

    It's that twisting of scriptures by religion, I think, the reason the founding fathers wrote no respect of religion. The Constitution recognizes the supreme being, the Creator, three times.

    Sad, those who spent all their monies because they allowed a man to interpret scripture for them.

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  55. Anonymous8:10 AM

    The first time I heard about this was when hubby told me a friend from church was having a wine and cheese part-tay to celebrate the end of the world. Whaaa??? It's tonight, if I'm not raptured yet I might go have a beer w/my fellow non-raptured Christian friends. :D

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  56. I had a very successful Ready for the Rapture Garage Sale.

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  57. EX Cat8:20 AM

    Well I don't know about you but I did get pretty high last night.Does that count?

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  58. Anonymous8:43 AM

    after lifting a solid wood dresser at my dad's yesterday I was screaming I am Ruptured.... but I think that is different !!!!!

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  59. Beldar "Unoriginal Sin" Conehead8:53 AM

    My prediction: Monday morning, Camping releases a statement that says "in his infinite wisdom the good lord granted all you sinners a brief reprieve until February 32, 2022. God willing, we, at Family Radio Enterprises International, LLC, will continue to spread the word about this impending end of the world. And THIS time, there will be NO reprieves or my name isn't Harold Camping!!".

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  60. slipstream9:10 AM

    For a minute there I felt like I was ascending toward the skies . . . but it turned out to just be gas.

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  61. ibwilliamsi9:21 AM

    I thought we were all by nature "sinners". Isn't that the point of redemption? Gawd, all that Catholic School education wasted. Apparently I don't know a thing about Jesus.

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  62. Another instance of major confusion with the religious lunatics...and another proving they haven't even read the Bible...

    "Blessed...read that word again...Blessed are the MEEK in spirit, for THEY shall inherit the earth."

    But then again, I don't think Palin could understand the sentence if she had read it.

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  63. Anonymous9:27 AM

    Well it's not supposed to happen until 6 pacific time. But it's hard to not notice how Americans are all wrapped up in this nonsense. Why do so many pay attention to it. I bet that in the rest of the world's countries, even kristyun countries, they aren't paying near as much attention.

    Simply put, Americans continue to live the fairy tale of the sky fairies.

    On a positive note, every time these religious wackos make a prediction like this one it could perhaps cause a few more people to stop and think about how they are being duped by religion.
    Hopefully!

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  64. Anonymous11:07 AM

    "The Rapture is occurring at 6pm. Is that Eastern, Central, Mountain, or Pacific Time?"

    The Rapture starts at 6:00 PM IN EACH TIME ZONE.

    You're a bit early Gryph. Wait till after 6:00 PM (AK time) tonight, THEN go knock on doors.
    ;-)

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  65. Anonymous11:42 AM

    The Rapture began at 6pm 5/21 at the Int'l Date Line, which would translate to last night 5/20, 10pm here in AK. It was then to progress as a "rolling brownout" across each time zone.

    See this Tina DuPuy article for the definitive explanation on how the rapture worked (or didn't ;-)

    http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2011/05/the-rapture-is-not-saturday-its-tonight/239177/

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  66. Anonymous12:01 PM

    I went out today and wrote about three grand in bad checks but got some really cool stuff, a great bottle of wine and sumptuous dinner fixin's. Is that why I'm still here? Am I going to get a break when I call the bank on Monday and tell them I thought I was going to get picked to go?

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  67. Patrick DeBurgh12:12 PM

    Agnosticism, YAY !

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  68. Anonymous12:34 PM

    lmfao WHOOOOOOOOOOO IM A SINNER! XD PEACE ON EARTH!

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  69. Anonymous1:20 PM

    Harold Camping the doomsday advocate and radio announcer, clarifies in an interview with The Atlantic:


    "The Rapture is at 6 p.m. on May 21, 2011, where ever it's 6 p.m. first, with the "fantastically big" world-ending event taking place on a time zone by time zone basis.

    That means we can expect the Rapture to start when it hits 6 p.m. at the International Dateline at 180 Longitude -- roughly the between Pago Pago, American Samoa, and Nuku'alofa, Tonga. We'll know it's Judgment Day because there will be an earthquake of previously unprecedented magnitude, Camping predicts. So, according to these calculations, the Rapture will actually begin like a rolling brown out across the globe at 11 p.m. PST on Friday, May 20th. "Everyone will be weeping and wailing because they'll know in a few hours it'll come to their city," said Camping.[1]"

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  70. My mother told me when I was just a very small girl that at any given point in time someone is going to claim we are living in end times and about to be raptured. She was certainly right. Too bad it was BS we could have gotten rid of a lot of annoying people.

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  71. Anonymous1:30 PM

    Ohhh. Brother Camping, where art thou?

    (apologies to Clooney)

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  72. Found this in the comment section of another blog.

    A Pagan dies and, to his great surprise, he finds himself standing before some pearly gates. The Pagan asks, “Where am I?”

    Peter says, “You’re at the gates of heaven.”

    The Pagan says, “But I don’t believe in heaven.”

    Peter frowns at him. “You’re one of those Pagans, aren’t you?”

    “Yes. I believe I’m in the wrong place; I’m supposed to go to Summerland.”

    Peter says, “Sorry. We took over Summerland, and it’s temporarily closed for remodeling.”

    “What should I do now?”

    Peter says, “Well, since we don’t allow Pagans in heaven, you have to go to hell. Sorry. Just follow that path that leads downward and to the left.”

    The Pagan walks down to hell, where the gates are standing open. He walks in and finds beautiful meadows, happy animals, and clear streams of water.

    He walks on in and begins exploring, and after a few minutes a courtly gentleman walks up to him and bows politely. “Hello, I’m Satan. You must be the guy that St. Peter phoned me about. Are you a Pagan?”

    “Yes, I am. What’s going to happen now?”

    Satan says, “Well, the fishing’s pretty good, if you enjoy that sort of thing. There’s a little refreshment stand down the road. And I believe the Pagan meeting grounds are right over the next hill.”

    Suddenly, a hole opens up in the sky above, and a yawning chasm opens directly underneath it. The stench of sulfur fills the air. Hundreds of screaming, tortured souls drop down into the flaming pit, which immediately closes up with a thud.

    The Pagan, hardly believing what he just saw, asks Satan, “And what was THAT ???”

    Satan rolls his eyes. “Oh, just ignore them. They’re Christians; they wouldn’t have it any other way.”


    =====================================

    If the above offended anyone, well, I guess developing a thicker skin and better sense of humor might be in order.

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  73. Anonymous4:25 PM

    Yes, it's happening now. Vancouver Canada is being hit with torrential rain the likes of which nobody has ever seen before. And the sky has turned a strange yellow colour. Can't sy more now. will check in latr.

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  74. Anonymous4:30 PM

    23 FAILED PREDICTIONS FOR 1998

    www.religioustolerance.org...

    45 failed predictions for 1999

    www.religioustolerance.org...

    44 failed & 1 ambiguous end-of-the-world predictions that were to occur between 30 & 1920 CE

    www.religioustolerance.org...

    The truth is that 2012 will come and go, some will die due to despair and mass hysteria, I think that the responsible parties should be gathered and prosecuted for these deaths.

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  75. Anonymous4:39 PM

    This is no longer a joke. there are very strange things happening on the streets of Vancouver right now. It's only 5:36 P.M.

    Lord forgive me I've been wrong. I believe, I believe. Sarah was right all along.

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  76. Anonymous4:41 PM

    Please lord, don't be a vengeful hateful librul cocksucker.

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  77. bws585:35 PM

    I knew it would be a bust when the Baptist church at the corner of my subdivision has this on their sign this morning

    God wants Spiritual Fruit
    not religious nuts

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  78. Anonymous6:32 PM

    'A shame there wasn't a reverse rapture: in which all the truly negative people vanished like water dropped on a hot sidewalk in Phoenix, Arizona.
    M from MD

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  79. Anonymous6:44 PM

    I didn't get raptured because I unplugged every clock in my house.
    That, and having been excommunicated kind of makes it a given I'll be left behind.

    Been playing Blondie's song "Rapture" full blast all day, but I like the idea of knocking on doors, pointing and laughing.

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  80. aj weishar9:21 PM

    I was on their terrorist watch list. They told me I'd have to use ground transportation. I'm still waiting.

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  81. Yeah you know i was like wanting to go but they said it was my turn to clean. So i guess i have to stick around and clean up the mess.

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