Bristol Palin goes on the Christian Broadcasting Network to play the martyr. How is that NOT sacrilegious?

Let me warn you not to have anything heavy in your hand as you watch this video, because the chances of you wanting to smash your monitor to pieces with it are VERY high.



You know the more I see Bristol, the more I believe she is possessed by a she-demon.  A she-demon by the name of Sarah Palin, or as we refer to her in Alaska, "She whose name we dare not speak."

Look at the ways that she is channeling her mother.

Bald faced lying:

WG: You've recommitted yourself to abstinence until you're married. Are you going to practice what you preach?

BP: Yeah, absolutely. And I don't think it will be a difficult battle because I've seen the consequences of it. And it's not worth it. (Says the multimillionaire author, reality "star," and teen abstinence spokesperson.)

Playing the victim:

BP: I feel like people tried to break me down during that experience (DWTS). But that just gave me the fire in my gut to do better.

WG: You mean that people who were actually there competing with you were not friendly to you?

BP: Well, I think at first they saw me as, 'Oh, here's Bristol Palin. She's not that well known and she's not really in this Hollywood scene.' And so they didn't see me as competition. But as we progressed, I think they got a little bit upset. (Could that be because they were actually working to improve as dancers and you were being unfairly promoted through the efforts of your mother's winged monkeys?)

Playing the victim AND blaming the media:

WG: Michelle Obama just came out and thanked the media for being kind to her children. How can you explain the viciousness of the media against you and your family.

BP: I don't think I can pinpoint it or explain it. It's definitely biased. You know there's some rude people out there, but we have tough skin and we know what's right. (You know continuing to tell everybody that you have thick skin, right after you bitch about people being mean to you is not convincing anybody any more than continuing to refer to yourself as a virgin kept Levi from tapping that ass every time he got you into a damp tent, your aunt's spare bedroom, or an empty broom closet.)

Playing the victim AND pretending to be a Christian:

Bristol said the pain and loneliness of being a single mom and the heartache of the boy's father, Levi, not wanting to see his son, caused her to cry out to God.

BP: That night was so meaningful. And I'll remember it for the rest of my life. Because it was rock bottom. It was, okay, I'm done doing this by myself. I'm done trying to change Levi. I'm done with all this stuff. I need your help, God. (Perhaps God should have taught her how to retrieve the dozen or so daily voice messages from Levi begging to please let him see his son.)

Yep Bristol may be the slowest learner EVER when it comes to memorizing dance steps, or how to properly use birth control, or the dangers of too much plastic surgery.

But when it comes to learning the family tradition of faking toughness, while playing the victim, and charging moronic people for the pleasure of watching her do it, Bristol may in fact be a prodigy. (Well, an idiot savant anyhow.)