Well I am off to celebrate Christmas in the Gryphen family tradition.

This is my tree. Yeah, I know, not terribly impressive is it?

Where's the Peanut's gang when you need them?

Still I DID decorate it by myself, while almost completely sober.

I am about to leave and visit my mother for dinner, reminders of past mistakes, and a barrage of insults from family members.

Essentially holidays spent with my family are kind of like watching a celebrity roast, only we occasionally have an actual stabbing. (In my defense it was a butter knife, and my brother was WAY out of line.)

Our favorite past time is locating the one person in the group who had the best year, and then humiliating them by reminding them of all of their past failures. This is especially entertaining if they have been ignorant enough to bring their new spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/or current sexual partner with no place better to go on the holidays, with them.

I am often the biggest target at these dinners, not because I have the best life, but because I am the most vicious, possess the fastest wit, and really don't care for any of my relatives who did not actually give birth to me. Nobody can deal with me on their own, so they tend to gang up.

The only time this is not the case is, much like today, when my daughter is with me.

My daughter is possessed of my same quick wit, attached to an incredible catalog of ammunition courtesy of her mother (Or as I call her "That women who got me drunk and purloined my sperm to impregnate herself."). Essentially my little girl immediately comes to the aid of anybody who is  unable to defend themselves against my "teasing" and verbally eviscerates me on their behalf.

She just makes me so proud sometimes.

Besides my daughter and hundreds of dollars worth of gifts that I am required to bring in order to placate the mob, I am also forced to bring one of the only two dishes I can prepare without blowing up the kitchen.

I don't know WHY but for some reason my family thinks I make the best spinach dip they have ever had.

One year I forgot to make it and showed up empty handed.

The whole family just glared at me during the entire visit, with my brother occasionally muttering. "You know what would go good with these presents? Some spinach dip!" (Personally I think somebody is long overdue for another stabbing.)

Anyhow I will have my I-Pad with me and will try to stay on top of the comments, so if you would like to share YOUR family traditions or wish each other a Merry Christmas, Happy Holiday, or Super Saturnalia, feel free to do so.