Palin stuffs her ass into her political g-string, and grabs that pole yet again, to seduce more money out of her disappointed followers.

The above video of Palin visiting historic sites and trying to understand what the big words mean was accompanied by the following note directed to the few remaining shut ins at SarahPAC who have not yet decided to support a GOP candidate who is actually running for the nomination:

Celebrating George Washington’s birthday is an American tradition to honor our first president. Though Presidents’ Day is now the more commonly-used term, and has expanded to include all presidents, the legal term for this federal holiday remains Washington’s Birthday. We honor President Washington, not because he was flawless; he was not. He was, however, the epitome of self-sacrifice—both as a soldier and a statesman. It was that sacrifice that helped make America what it was destined to become.

We honor him because of what he accomplished and the manner in which he approached service to this nation: with a servant’s heart. 

I am on record as acknowledging President Washington as my favorite Founder precisely because of that heart. He did not seek power. He accepted it reluctantly. He answered the call, offered himself up in the name of service, and helped to usher in a new day. At a time when he could have remained in office perpetually, as some expected, he chose to return to life as a citizen rather than seek a third term. He fulfilled his destiny, and his legacy is secure. 

It is refreshing to reflect on one who was so far removed in spirit from the inside baseball that too often defines politics now. America celebrates President Washington for his decision to serve for the right reasons. Today, we could certainly use a little more Washington in DC and a little less BS in Washington. 

Happy Presidents’ Day. 

- Sarah Palin

Okay look, a lot of journalists, bloggers, and others, are going to try and dissect these messages and look for some clue that Palin is running or that she has finally decided to endorse a candidate.

They will find hidden meaning in her reference to George Washington, and attempt to discover some line which extends from Abraham Lincoln, through President Obama, and back to the GOP field in some way, that only SHE can discern

But most of that will be pure horseshit.

So let me, somebody who is well versed in Palin-speak, decipher this video and note for you.

Now this may be a little rough in the translation, and might appear too subtle for some, but bear with me.  Here is her message.

Oh my GOD, I am running out of money! Last quarter's financial report was pathetic!  There is NO WAY my family and I can be expected to live on that piddly amount! 

I have kissed every ass at the Fox Studios, but nobody is offering me any work! Roger Ailes acts as if he is embarrassed to be seen with me, and even Hannity said I used to much teeth when I was auditioning for him!

Look I have people who NEED to receive their stipends from me, or else this whole house of cards is going to crumble down and smother my family right out of existence! And by the way, do you have ANY idea how much tuition for Hair School costs these days?


So come on troops, I am still a viable candidate sometime in the future.  (The far, far distant future that is) So don't give up on me now! I know the Tea Party is dead, my looks have faded, and everything I touch turns to shit, but little things like that should not come between us now, should it?

To sum up, GIVE ME MONEY!

Thank you for your time,

Sarah Palin (Now available for appearances at birthday parties, Bar Mitzvahs, and Civil War reenactments. Call me.)

There, fixed it.