Sarah "I don't need no stinking meds" Palin addresses the Todd Akin controversy on Greta Van "It still sucks to be Palin's friend" Susteren. Shield your eyes kids, this gets CRAZY!

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As the interview begins Greta invites the Grizzled One to gloat a little about what is happening with Todd Akin, since she had endorsed one of his opponents in the Missouri primary. Palin who is already in a highly agitated state (Hmm I wonder which blog she had just been visiting?), tries her best not to dance on Todd Akins still writhing corpse, but just can't quite help herself.  

Well, I won't gloat about it, but I was right. And Sarah Steelman's supporters and campaign staff, we were all right in knowing that Sarah Steelman is the right person for the job to represent Missouri and to allow common-sense conservatives to take back the Senate to halt what it is that Barack Obama has done to this country. (Here let me translate: Nanny, nanny boo-boo!)


Sarah Steelman was the right person. I supported her then, and I'm going to continue to support her.

Palin then tries to give herself credit for recognizing that Claire McCaskill had chosen Akin as her opponent knowing that she could beat him.

"Well, see, that's the point, Greta. Claire McCaskill and the Democrats thought that they were so clever in fighting so hard to get Akin on the ballot as the winner in the GOP primary. And you know, many of us who recognized that cleverness, that craftiness from the left, because we're kind of getting used to the games that they play, wanted to do something about it."

Then since this is, as always, ALL about Palin she quickly inserts herself into this story by suggesting that Akin should get out just like SHE did once upon a time by a loon filled lake in Wasilla.

"Now we do have opportunity, even though Todd Akin has said that he's not going to drop out. And bless his heart, I don't want to pile on Todd Akin because, in some respects, I understand what he's trying to say here in standing on principle, that he doesn't want to be perceived as a quitter. (Because that just sucks!)But you got to know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em. 

Believe me, I've walked it before. I know when you have to hold that mantle and then hand it to someone else in order to progress a positive agenda. That's what I had to do in Alaska."

Yes of COURSE Palin was only a quitter for the good of Alaska, NOT because she was anxious to start her Fox News commentary, book (ghost)writing, and reality show careers.

Greta, bless her blackened journalistic heart, tries to get Palin to directly address what Todd Akin actually said that got him into so mush trouble, but this topic hits TOO close to home for Sister Sarah and she contorts and twists herself into a pretzel to avoid answering it.



Greta:Well, are you urging her to run as a third party? Because he -- lookit, this guy -- I mean, saying -- frankly, I have yet to figure out what, quote, "legitimate rape" is. And he's also quoted as saying, "From what I understand from doctors, getting pregnant from a legitimate rape is rare." I mean, the guy's -- I mean, look, this is flat- out weird. There's just no way to describe it.

Palin (Starting to hyperventilate): You know what, though, Greta? Just. 

Greta: Flat-out weird. 

Palin: You know, close that chapter (This topic is clearly MUCH too uncomfortable for Palin who quickly adopts a defensive posture and starts spewing word salad in all directions to ward off any more questions), though, of what he said and what he meant and how he will try to explain what he meant. Close that, and now just deal with the pragmatism in front of us, these decision that have to be made on when the deck is stacked against you, when your funding has been pulled, when all the bigwigs, not just in the establishment but those hard- core supporters, have pulled their support from you as the GOP primary winner, in Todd Akin. When that support is gone, that would be needed in order to beat Claire McCaskill, help take back the Senate, when it's gone. That's when you have to use discernment and know when to fold them. (Did you get all of that?)


Greta (Trying desperately to find some recognizable point in the barrage of squeaks and chirps that just fell out of Palin's maw) : So I'm unclear (Gee, really?). Are you suggesting he get out or are you suggesting the Republican party still back him? 

The Queen of Inarticulation: No. I'm suggesting that he get out. He should have reached that deadline today, I believe, personally, and gotten out of the race, but because he did not do that, Greta, then we have to figure out, OK, well, what is next? Again, without trying to pile on Todd Akin and what he's going through right now, maybe it is a third-party run of Sarah Steelman (ph) that I can get behind, and, granted the status quo has got to go would be an odd name for a third party, but we'll coin it, adopt it, run with it if that's what it takes in order to get a commonsense constitutional, happens to be pro-life woman in Missouri to clean up this mess that's been created and at the same time take back the Senate, which means we get to take back the country and put government back on the side of the people. 

Ooookaay.  So essentially the Grizzled One is NOT suggesting that Akin get out, because damn it he should have already GOTTEN out. But since he didn't, and remember Palin does not want to "pile on" here, then Steelman should launch a third party run at the Senate seat, because you know that ALWAYS works.  Did I get that right?

At this point Palin was flirting with a psychotic break, but still Greta refused to simply allow her to reduce the response to Akin to nothing more than "piling on."

Greta:You know, it's interesting, I don't think they're piling on him. You know, it's not like it's a gaffe, like he said the wrong word or something. I mean, he says it like he understands from doctors. Did he make it up? No doctor is coming out and saying this. This is more than a gaffe. 

And what he's done to the Republican party is not only is he going to risk the chance of the Republican party gaining the Senate by winning Missouri, but he's also done one of the worst things you can do in politics, is by handing your opponent ammunition and as the Democrats have been talking about a war on women. Well, now he's handed them so much ammunition on this by his bizarre statements. 

The Grizzled One (Now going all metaphysical.): That's what I mean, by the cards stacked against you. Good, bad, or ugly, that's what he's facing. (He's facing Trig. Willow, and Bristol?) This is not going in his favor. You have to step aside from self, from your self-desire to get in there and deserve and do what you believe is right, and you have to, in a sense, take one for the team. And you have to step aside, hand the mantel to someone else. 

Greta:He's not going to. Apparently -- 

Palin (Metaphorically ripping off her mask to reveal Freddy Kreuger's misshapen visage.): "He has until September 25th to do it. If he doesn't do it, then it will be third party then. We'll do whatever we can to not quash this opportunity that we have to take Missouri for the good of the country and for the good of every citizen of Missouri, to take it back, put government back on the side of the people. The only way we do that is to have a conservative win in Missouri, to defeat Claire McCaskill, who is highly unpopular. Look at the polls. She's still behind Todd Akin today, barely, but even despite all this chaos that's going on, that's indication of how unpopular she is. 

It's doable. It's winnable, Missouri is. And that leads to winning the Senate. That leads to reversing a lot of the things that Obama and Biden have done (Holy crap, I NEVER thought she would get around to blaming Obama. Somebody's off their game.) to put our children and grandchildren in the chains of dependency, to shackle our kids and grandkids in the debt that they have continued to perpetuate, Greta." ("Shackle our kids and grandkids?" Did she steal that from Joe Biden?)



Palin has a finally thought for Akin.  Which is, of course, that he take a lesson from her.

First Greta asks if Palin has called Sarah Steelman and offered her any advice. (You can almost hear Steelman turning her phone off.)

"No, because here's the deal. I also know my mission that I'm on is to help and not to hurt. Maybe Todd Akin needs to learn a little lesson from me. You need to know when to step back and wait to be invited to be important and not invite yourself to the party. (You know not to nitpick, but didn't the Republican primary voters of Missouri "invite him to the party?")What he's doing right now, Greta, bless his heart, he's inviting himself back into this general election that's coming up, and he's going to get defeated. (First intelligent thing she has said.) And that's unfortunate. (And then she ruins it.)That is why we have to think pragmatically about this, and we have to think, well, what's another option? Is a third-party another option? If it is, let's go. The status quo has got to go. Let's do what we can to get there."

Wow! I have heard Palin do her crazy bag lady screaming at oncoming traffic schtick numerous times in the past, but I think she is just getting wackier and wackier as the years roll on. One has to wonder just how much the side show effect of her appearances will outweigh the damage her commentary does to any legitimacy Fox News believes it might still have left?

And you know speaking of the Democrats being clever, does Palin have ANY idea how thrilled they, and Claire McCaskill would be if Steelman actually launched a third party candidacy? I have to imagine that Palin would find thank you notes, and bouquets of flowers all over her little family reeducation center by the dead lake.

And better yet, perhaps Palin could be her campaign manager! Oh that would be perfect!

Oh, should I not have said that outloud?

(P.S. If you want you can read the entire transcript, without my snotty comments, here.)