Saturday, March 16, 2013

Perhaps the sweetest letter to a gay son that you will ever read.

The letter says:


I overheard your phone conversation with Mike last night about your plans to come out to me. The only thing I need you to plan is to bring home OJ and bread after class. We are out, like you now. 

I’ve known you were gay since you were six, I’ve loved you since you were born. 

- Dad P.S. 

Your mom and I think you and Mike make a cute couple. 

Such a great dad!

Of course for me this letter really hits home in a very personal way, because of course I dealt with the same thing that this father dealt with which was knowing well in advance that my child was gay, and then waiting for her to finally trust me enough ,and feel comfortable enough, to come out to me.

In my case I made the mistake of trying to force the issue. I wish I had had this father's wisdom to simply allow things to move forward at their own pace.

(H/T to Towleroad)


  1. Irishgirl1:35 PM

    None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. You were trying to do the right thing, and that is all that matters.

    1. As Oprah has said many times, "You did the best you could. And when you knew better, you did better."

    2. Irishgirl4:00 PM

      Hindsight is great! :)

  2. Anonymous1:40 PM

    Reeking of Obama Hate and Desperation, Sarah Palin Was the Joke at CPAC

    At CPAC, Sarah Palin stepped straight out of 2008 and offered America the same desperate, cartoonish, Obama hate that has made her a national joke.

    At CPAC, Sarah Palin stepped straight out of 2008 and offered America the same desperate, cartoonish, Obama hate that has made her a national joke.

    It is safe to say that if you have seen Sarah Palin speak for more than two minutes over the past five years, you’ve already seen this speech. Even the people who are usually kind to her in the mainstream media are calling her speech “disjointed,” and pointing out that this is stark reminder of how far Palin has fallen since the heady days when a certain Republican nominee’s presidential campaign thought vetting a running mate was something that should be limited to a Google search.

    It was ironic that Palin complained that Washington Republicans are, “being too scripted, too calculated. They’re talking about rebuilding the party, how about rebuilding the middle class?” First of all, Sarah Palin couldn’t wait to bolt from Alaska in order to cash in on her fifteen minutes of fame, so the only thing she knows about the middle class is that she wouldn’t be caught dead in it. Secondly, Palin whined about Washington Republicans being too scripted and calculated while she was a delivering a pre-scripted and heavily calculated speech.

    This speech also featured all of her Obama hate classics. Palin worked in a joke about Obama and his teleprompter, even though she can’t string two sentences together without one, and made a not too veiled birther joke, “More background checks? Dandy idea Mr. President. Should’ve started with yours.”

    Palin continued her years old feud with Karl Rove, “If these experts keep losing elections, keep raking in millions, if they feel that strongly about who should run in this party they should buck up and run or stay in the truck. The architects can head on back to the Lone Star State and put their name on the ballot.” (More irony here, as Palin has been taking money from the rubes on the right for years by teasing a presidential run without ever putting her name on the ballot.) Seriously, this feud with Rove goes the whole way back to 2010, but the mainstream media is acting like this is something new.

  3. Anonymous1:41 PM

    Sarah Palin was high on her own supply, and dishing out her memorized zingers like it was 2008 all over again.

    Too much shouldn’t be read into the fact that Palin had the CPAC crowd in stitches. Paul Ryan, Rand Paul, and Wayne LaPierre each had them rolling in the aisles. Saying anything bad or hateful about Democrats and Obama is all it took to send this crowd into hysterics.

    From a potential heartbeat away from the presidency to willing to be the right wing’s rodeo clown for a buck, Sarah Palin is living on the Skid Row of American politics.

    CPAC may have been laughing with her, but the rest of the country is laughing at the idea that the Republican Party once tried to sell this wigged out clown as presidential material.

    Sarah, stick to Facebook.

    1. Anonymous3:06 PM

      OT too: C4P writer was at CPAC. He described Palin's style as casual yet elegant. Her outfit was "elegant", her pants elegant noting it takes great skill to have hair styled disheveled yet good. He commented she looks too thin but "healthy and tan".

      Considering her fan base this must be elegance on display. No mention of her boob and dick joke. I agree the woman is a joke to the majority.

  4. Anonymous1:42 PM

    Amazing what pure and simple love can do to calm the angst of someone. That Dad is a gem!

    1. All us gay boys wish we had that guy as a father.

  5. Anonymous1:44 PM

    That is just so lovely, I feel so happy for that young man and his partner. Just wonderful.

  6. Leland1:46 PM

    And by continuing to provide - unabated - your pure and unvarnished love, you are STILL doing the right thing!

  7. eclecticsandra1:51 PM

    I didn't even suspect. Finally when she was 20 something she came out to me. At least you suspected.

  8. RefugeeFromPalinThread2:13 PM

    Nice post Gryphen,thank you.

  9. fromthediagonal2:35 PM

    You know, Gryph, I have often wondered why parents, or compassionate others, do not gently broach the issue before a kids comes out.

    Over the course of many years,I have helped a number of young kids to face up to "having to tell", and each time their elders said: "Well I knew a long time ago". East one of them told me they wished the parents/grandparents/whoever had said this earlier, as it would have eased the burden the kids were carrying.

    It's a fine line, and diplomacy goes a long way to easing it all.

    I love my "gay strays adopted kids" who are now firmly established in middle age, and all of them are doing well. They keep me in their lives and I am ever so grateful for that love.
    Now I have a couple of young grandchildren who are on the threshold of puberty, and I may have to help them understand who they are. I shall "step lightly" as usual, observing and hoping for the best moment in which to approach them, if necessary.

  10. Anonymous2:58 PM

    Beautiful post, thank you for sharing this shining example of what truly unconditional love is like. Very uplifting!

  11. Anita Winecooler4:13 PM

    Reading his letter got me choked up. I think it's becoming easier and easier for people to come out with every story like this we see. It's a subject that's being covered a lot in the media and in politics, and I think a lot of credit goes to President Obama for speaking publicly and openly about marriage equality.
    My nephew came out to my family before he did to his own. I remember the anxiety in his voice. My sister kind of knew, but it still came as a surprise. My BIL used to be a huge and vocal homophobe, and he said some things in anger that no child should ever hear from a parent.
    It took awhile, but he's now his son's biggest supporter.
    We were always open with our kids. We taught them early on that no matter what they are (except for Republican, Dawg Forbid!), we'd love and accept them. They grew up learning about LGBT issues from Equality Forum, friends and family.
    Don't be so hard on yourself, what matters is your unconditional love for your child and her love and respect for an amazing Dad.

    1. Leland5:32 PM

      And yet there are STILL those ultra-religious shits who throw them out and disinherit them. Who vilify them and publicly humiliate them and....

      Is it any wonder there are so many suicides?

      Those are NOT parents. They are breeders who should have been prevented from having any children because they are really incapable of being a true parent - one who loves unconditionally regardless.

      I love my nieces and nephews so very much. One of the reasons is I refused to have children due to my uncontrolled (at the time) temper. THAT sort of thing doesn't work well with children. The other reason is I LOVE children and sometimes regret my decision. (Rarely now, though) Anyway, one of my nieces is a lesbian. She's 17 and I held her the first hour after her birth. We talk about anything.

      When she was around 12, she began to have certain "feelings" that she didn't understand. Puberty, of course. But Mommy and Daddy sloughed it off with the usual crappy birds and bees speech and didn't even ask her if she understood. (I'll give you three guesses why and the 1st two don't count. BINGO! Right on the first guess. Fanatical evangelical Baptists!) I had to explain things to her.

      When she was nearly 14, she asked me a few questions that seemed a little different than what one would expect of a 14 year old when it came to "interaction" between the sexes.

      She was scared to death and knew enough she didn't DARE go to her parents. You're right if you think she was learning she was a lesbian. We had a very long talk. In fact, she ended up staying the night. (A Friday.) Neither of us got any sleep, but we talked a lot. I like to think it helped.

      She is determined to tell her parents the day she graduates high school - this year. I will be there when she does and bring her home when they throw her out.

      Why do some people refuse to love?

    2. Anita Winecooler1:37 PM

      I agree, organized religions DO play a part in perpetuating people's denial of reality, especially when it comes to gender and sexuality. A lot of men think that having a son somehow reflects better than having a daughter, and they blame the wife, when in reality, it's the man's xy chromosome that determines physical gender.
      The thing about good parenting is that it doesn't necessitate contributing one's dna. Some of the best parents are people like you who are willing to take the time to listen and support a child.
      Family's where you find it, your niece is lucky to have you in her life!

  12. Anonymous5:25 PM

    Fox news is not covering Portman coming out in support of same sex marriage. I went to their website and did a search and there is nothing about this huge story. Hilarious.

  13. Anonymous8:35 PM

    Even after all these years, I still remember so clearly the day a friend in high school told me he was gay. It was in the late 70s and being gay was something that was shocking and not discussed in polite society. He asked to talk to me after school and said he had something important to tell me. After he said he was gay, I waited, expectantly, for him to tell me the 'big news'.

    Then I realized that his being gay WAS the big news. I assured him that I had already figured it out long before and it didn't make any difference to me. My heart broke when I saw the tremendous relief he felt and when he told me that his family had NOT been so understanding. Like so many traditional families, especially back then, they had rejected him.

    He was an extraordinarily talented musician who became a well-respected composer and teacher. I lost touch with him some years later but I sincerely hope that his family was eventually able to accept the amazing gift their son truly was.

  14. Anonymous5:38 AM

    How very beautiful!


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