Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Michele Bachmann inspires steamy "romance novel." Wait, what?

Courtesy of Atlantic Wire:  

Michele Bachmann was the muse for a new romance novel called Fires of Siberia, to be published June 1, about a fiery presidential candidate who tries to bone up on her foreign policy credentials only to get stuck in the wilderness with a sexy stranger. "Inspired by the life of Tea Party leader and Republican Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, Fires of Siberia is an old-fashioned bodice ripper romance that brings the heat for the 2013 summer beach reading season," touts publisher Badlands Unlimited. 

Badlands Unlimited is not your traditional romance novel publisher. It's run by New York artist Paul Chan, and offers an eclectic mix of titles, from a collection of Saddam Hussein's early speeches to a set of 1964 interviews with Marcel Duchamp, which includes audio files on iTunes. Badlands Unlimited's website says it publishes ebooks "Because you can’t publish a .GIF on paper," plus "reading an e-book on e-readers like the iPad or Kindle means you only have to use one hand to read, freeing your other hand to do whatever you please." Or, in the fancier words of the Los Angeles Review of Books, "As a publishing outfit, they are blurring the distinctions between art press, curatorial experiment and publishing industry gambit, while putting out a series of works that are strange enough individually, but seem even stranger when grouped together under the same moniker."

"He touched the void inside her, pollinating her pink flower like a master bee." By now you may have picked up on the fact that this publisher is approaching this with their tongue firmly planted in their cheek.

Here is a description of the protagonist: 

Presidential candidate Danielle Powers, full of firebrand pluck and red state sex appeal, has the country in a tizzy. But on an international tour to beef up her foreign policy experience, disaster ensues—her plane explodes over Siberia. Miraculously, Danielle survives, along with one other passenger—a mysterious stranger named Steadman Bass. Trapped in a wilderness of snow and ice, the two begin a journey that pushes Danielle to the brink. There she must confront her deepest self and choose between civilization and a wild, primitive ecstasy. 

"Red state sex appeal?" Does such a thing even exist?

 Of course the idea of anybody reading a novel about Michele Bachmann which inspired anything other than revulsion is hard to imagine.

Here is a preview of the kinds of purple prose one might encounter within its pages:

"...If you could tell me just one thing about yourself, something that has nothing to do with politics, what would it be? What makes you Danielle Powers(The name gi?" 

Danielle looked pensively at the reporter as they approached the airport. For once she felt appreciative of the question. Everyone was always nettling, trying to make her slip on the banana peels of her own responses. Who cares if it was John Wayne or John Wayne Gacy. It was nice to be asked about who she was rather than what they wanted her to be. 

"Slip on the banana peels of her own responses." You know, this just might be fun to read after all.

32 comments:

  1. Okay, that ranks as the best laugh of my day.

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  2. Anonymous2:34 PM

    Even though they do say that it is based on Michele Bachman, the descritions sound more like from the Tundra turd - after all, she DID go on an international trip to boost her credentials, and she slips on her slippery bananpeel responses.
    That said.... I really can't believe that someone would want to read something like that, especially when they have to imagine the heroine being either Michele or $arah...

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    1. Balzafiar3:16 PM

      This, from the article, should answer your question since the intended audience for this epic romance novel is the losers at the Peepond.

      "Because you can’t publish a .GIF on paper," plus "reading an e-book on e-readers like the iPad or Kindle means you only have to use one hand to read, freeing your other hand to do whatever you please."

      The reality of the answer lies in everything after the last comma, in case anyone needs it pointed out.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous6:12 AM

      Ummm MJosephShepperd would want to read that! He would claim they wrote it about Serra.

      Those books used to be written for women but now not so sure. Soft porn.
      For men.Like. MJShepherd. SarahPalins HEAD perve.

      Delete
  3. Leland2:36 PM

    Okay, I can die happy. I have now heard EVERYTHING!

    That ignorant piece of shit couldn't possibly survive getting lost in her own back yard! And she is the inspiration for surviving SIBERIA? In the WINTER? After a PLANE CRASH?

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    What ignorant idiot came up with THAT stupidity?

    Uh uh. Never mind. I DON'T want to know.

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  4. Anonymous2:59 PM

    I MUST look for this book next month and post a review! What a HOOT!

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  5. Anonymous3:11 PM

    Instead of a make believe story about Michelle Bachmann, how about the media promote a nonfiction book that tells the true story about a vice-presidential candidate whose husband is a sex predator and deals with sex trafficking according to his prostitute and sex partner? What's strange about this man's family is that his high school underage daughter was sexually active and had a baby before graduating from high school and his son who was also sexually active got his girlfriend, who is a preacher's daughter, pregnant as well. Sex promiscuity must run in little towns?

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    1. PalinsHoax4:07 PM

      And in Volume II, how about the author write about the sexual predator's wife who stuffs a pillow up her shirt and pretends that she is pregnant.

      Then she pretends that her water breaks and dares to board two conseectuive aeroplane rides in order to give birth to a high risk pregnancy at a hospital not equipped to handle the birth of twins.

      But wait - there's more!!! Several years ago the sexual predator's wife had a "twooo bulll" after the birth of her youngest daughter. Yet somehow, after that procedure, this aberration of a human being managed to "give birth" to a pillow that became a Down Syndrome baby.

      Dayem, this sure sounds like a work of fiction. What do you think, Ol' $crawny. Is this fact or fiction?

      Delete
    2. Anonymous4:44 PM

      Ironic all she got was a porn film in her honor, isn't it? Yeah, $crawny, care to address fact or fiction? We ALL know....

      Even HuffPo is calling you ridiculous now. Took 'em long enough.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous6:19 AM

      Volume III
      She sexts underage kid and then accuses him of "Stalking her" and imprisons him in a Alaskan gulag with the bought bi-sexual judge and lawyer.
      And her BF head of the prison system.
      :/

      Delete
  6. Anonymous3:18 PM

    Good grief, next to The Half-Term Quitter Bachman registers no uptick in intelligence. In fact, she is even more self aware and clueless about human relations; ie, her hubby being a more than adequate reflection of this cluelessness. I wonder what her daughters think about this. Mine would be sick to their stomachs.

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    1. Anonymous8:47 PM

      Sorry guys, that is “self-‘un’aware” and my daughters would find it beyond “icky” to find their mother a character in a bodice buster.

      Delete
  7. There ain't enough beer in Milwaukee to get me to pollinate THAT pink flower.

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    Replies
    1. Balzafiar5:29 PM

      Well in that case, would you be interested in hubby Marcie? He's also available.

      Delete
    2. ROFLMAO

      It's now after 11pm here. When I go to bed in a while, I'm probably going to be laughing, chuckling, snickering, guffawing 'til about dawn.

      Thanks ever so! -:)

      Delete
  8. Anonymous3:25 PM

    Steadman. After a couple of days spent listening to Crazy Eyes talk her brand of shit, he'll wish his character was named Deadman, and that some other poor fool had survived instead of him.

    The cover artist could at least given the Minne-haha Maniac some Palin-sized tits in the illustration, along with a Wonder Woman bracelet or something outstanding like Granny Grifter sports every time she imagines she's getting "dressed up".


    The Teatards are just too easy.

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  9. Anonymous3:34 PM

    I would have been more convincing if he had spelled Danielle with only one L.

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  10. Anonymous3:41 PM

    Does she have a gay best friend named Marcus? You know, the kind of friend who picks out her clothes and brings her all the newest gossip?

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  11. Anonymous3:48 PM

    Sarah and Michelle - such idiots!!!! And, they are huge embarrassments to Americans and women across the nation. Vote Michelle out of office and stop covering the idiot from Alaska!

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  12. Anonymous4:00 PM

    ot

    http://www.mediaite.com/tv/cnns-wolf-blitzer-asks-atheist-tornado-survivor-if-she-thanked-the-lord/

    the Wolf and the atheist

    ReplyDelete
  13. LoveAndKnishesFromBrooklyn4:29 PM

    PeeBrain pundit Bri-Anus to write competing Palin romance comic in 3...2...1...

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    1. Anonymous4:59 PM

      Let their heads EXPLODE. Today resident idiot Pete Petretich asked if the IRS is mentioned in the Constitution. Forehead meets desk. But he got to scream "I LOVE HER! I LOVE HER!" at the protest he attended.

      The funniest darn thing is about c4p is their admins have been on Discus' butt to stop the down arrows and Discus said NOT. "We're working on it." It was a TRUE GinaM moment reading that!




      Delete
    2. Anonymous5:32 PM

      Meant ADMINS are going to work on a workaround. Hysterical!

      Delete
  14. Anonymous4:47 PM

    She must be awesome in bed, right, since she turned a gay man straight! Oh, wait, nevermind.

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    1. Anonymous6:11 PM

      Amazing, isn't it? And her arch rival has the pimp. I'm sure her life is a beard just like the Palin (cough) marriage (cough).

      Delete
  15. Anonymous6:42 PM

    Sarah Palan's redemption

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2328777/Air-travel-poses-risk-pregnant-women-unborn-babies-long-fly-37th-week.html

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  16. Somewhere there's a screechy voice whining, "That should have been meeeeeee!"

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    1. Anonymous7:19 PM

      "Nailin' Palin" is all she got. Well deserved considering.

      Delete
  17. Anonymous7:57 PM

    CNN’s Wolf Blitzer Asks Atheist Tornado Survivor If She ‘Thanked The Lord’

    http://www.mediaite.com/tv/cnns-wolf-blitzer-asks-atheist-tornado-survivor-if-she-thanked-the-lord/

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous9:40 PM

    SON OF A BITCH!

    THE LATEST VICTIM OF THE SARAH PALIN CURSE

    Sarah Palin, foremost critic of the 'lamestream media,' has found an exception in CNN's Jake Tapper."There's something different, certainly refreshing, about Jake Tapper," she tweeted on Tuesday. "I call it integrity and professionalism."

    Palin was responding to an interview with Tapper on zap2it.com, the television industry news site, in which he discussed his coverage of the Boston Marathon bombings, the trial of Philadelphia abortionist Kermit Gosnell and the recent Oklahoma tornadoes, among other stories.

    Last month, the former Alaska governor and ex-vice presidential candidate wrote a Facebook post accusing CNN of bias.

    "The shame is that they employ some top-notch reporters who no doubt believe in truth in journalism, but examples like this diminish the good reporters’ good efforts," she wrote.


    Is Palin kissing ass cuz she wants a job with CNN?

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  19. Steadman? They used Oprah's boyfriends first name?

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  20. An European Viewpoint3:22 AM

    Is it just me or is the cover .gif artwork showing a female face filled with enough plastic to be beyond human ?

    It looks just like a Kardarshian, only with bigger face implants. Is bad face surgery that sexy to right-wingers ? Or did they use Bristol Palin's next face ?

    ReplyDelete

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