In a speech so high pitched that only porpoises and vampire bats could make out all of it, Sarah Palin makes New Jersey long for the calm and quiet of Hurricane Sandy.

Okay let me say at the outset that I am unwilling, and nowhere near drunk enough, to transpose this entire 20 minute screech fest.

However I will attempt, in between covering my ears with my pillows to make the bleeding stop, to provide the lowlights.

The first thing I noticed is that the candidate, Steve Lonegan, was TOTALLY playing second fiddle to Palin, and instead of her warming up the audience for him, he warmed them up for HER.

And once the muzzle was off her teeth gnashing and bitching began.

She referred to Mark Levin as "the great one," and said "I just told Todd,  I said 'Ooh I shook Mark Levin's hand, I an die and go to heaven now.'" (If only.)

Here she is with the "Great One" and her pimp husband.

Great to see "The Great One" in the Garden State! @marklevinshow pic.twitter.com/rkUlqN8T8w
— Sarah Palin (@SarahPalinUSA) October 12, 2013

Gross don't you think?

And then she begins:

"I thank Steve for for his boldness. A, in inviting us here today. That proves I think that boldness that is inherent in all of you who are here to make sure that our country is not fundamentally transformed but it's fundamentally restored, into that exceptional nation that we no...that we want. That we deserve. You deserve it. Folks you do deserve better." (You know that's what I was thinking. They deserve better than some washed up old Teabagging has been, but she, and some tired old radio jockey, were all the support that Lonegan could drum up.)

Palin then co-opts a Buffalo Springfield song, and changes the line to "And something big is happening here, and it's exactly clear. It's called momentum. You have the momentum with Steve's campaign. The rest of the country knows it. (We do?) The media even knows it, and that's why they're getting all wee wee'd up against Steve." (This last part was so high pitched that I think I saw it knock a seagull out of the sky.)

At this point Palin decides it is time to teach a little local history to the people who actually live in New Jersey. So she talks about the Battle of Monmouth, and the woman known as Molly Hays who fired a cannon at the British after her husband was over come by the heat, and deems her the "first Mama Grizzly." (Such an insult.)

Then, while fighting to keep her wig on her head and her papers from flying off the podium, Palin launches into her diatribe against Obama and the governemtn shutdown. "I think it should be called 'the slimdown' because only 17% of our bloated, burdensome, out of control Federal government. that has even slowed down  this week." (Is THAT why the Republicans were scrambling to get certain programs funded before they received the blamed for soldiers not getting paid, children not being fed, and sick people not receiving care?)

"Folks the Amber alert website that finds missing children was shutdown, but the Michele Obama's really groovy 'Let's Move' video is still up and running, because you can't be chubby." (Actually the Amber Alert website is up now, was only shutdown temporarily and that service was NEVER affected. As for the "Let's Move" website it has not been updated sine September 30th.)

Of course Palin HAS to bring up the barricades outside of the World War 2 memorial in Washington, and claims that she and Todd will "zip on in to DC" and "shake hands with those vets who are being dishonored."

Palin also claims that the 'slim down' is about "It is about a fundamental transformation of America. It's about breaking your spirit. It is about disempowering the people. And it's about trying to make YOU feel hopeless, and helpless.  And heaven forbid they do that when you have a candidate like Steve Lonegan. When you hear about his story about not being hopeless and helpless and what he has overcome, and what we need in the United States Senate is more 'overcomers.'" (Wait, what? Did she mean to say that?)

Palin then compares Obamacare to Prohibition as a law that can be repealed. And then compares the number who have signed up for the ACA to the number of people who have signed the petition to repeal the law, while also chiding Joe Biden for cancelling a rally to head to Camp David. (Likely to work the the President to overcome the shutdown that Ted Cruz and his flunkies engineered.)

In other words it just gets nastier and nastier as she struggles to hold onto her notes and keep her wig from flying off in the wind. ("The Left lied, and trust died" is another of her nasty little ghostwritten Molotov catchphrases.)

She does remember to mention the candidate a few more times before wrapping it up, and shows that she wrote one of his quotes on her palm, which I assume in her mind is some kind of honor.

All in all I found the speech to be lazy and rife with recycled Palinisms, and perhaps the only thing that made it somewhat noteworthy was the spittle flecked stye in which it was delivered.

However the idea that this, in any way, benefits Lonegan's campaign is laughable.

I also don't believe it benefits Palin, who claimed that her trip was paid for by SarahPAC. And that kind of makes me believe that she is using this rally as an excuse, and has another hidden agenda that she is unwilling to share at this time.  (Aren't the Fox News studios in New York which is only a hop, skip, and a jump from Jersey?)

Update: Yep she brought the "Belmonts."

And the belt buckle. So classy.